My husband cut the key from his daughters copy. His reason for having it is incase of an emergency. His ex could have changed the locks if she really wanted him to stay away. He can't let go of her 100%, and she isn't letting go of him. It's been 12 years, if he hasn't done it yet he probably won't.
I think I need to start the divorce process and if that doesn't smack some sense into him, nothing will.
Your husband isn't marriage material right now..... the emotional cord hasn't been cut.
I know how this feels.....i could tell you stories about my hb and his ridiculous boundaries with his ex and her family when i met him. And his daughter was was 16 when we met, so it's not like she was a little kid.
To own my part I put up with it for way too long. They'd been divorced 3 years when we met and I heard had been separated for several prior to that, so i hardly had anything to do with their breakup.
But post divorce dynamics were new to me as I'd only been recently divorced and my ex and i were not on good terms at the time, so I didn't know what a healthy ex spouse relationship looked like.
He'd go to every damn party she or her family had, they had keys to each others houses..... they were even vacationing together with her family. The first holiday we were dating I was going to dump him if he went on vacation with them.
He didn't.....i think he knew what he was doing wasn't right. And his ex, while I don't think she wanted him back, definitely liked the attention and the idea that she was so important that he couldn't move on.
I could threadjack for the next 3 hours with stories like this, but eventually I just blew up. I won't get into specifics but let's just say that she's pretty much out of our lives now. And coincidentally right after our blow up she married her bf. I can't imagine that he was thrilled with the whole thing.
I've dealt with her directly once..... let's say that I can play dirty too if that's what she wants.
You, like me, should've dealt with this ages ago. But here your are, so stop confronting her or fighting with him. Simply tell him that it's clear he's too attached to her to be marriage material and you're sorry you didn't accept this years ago.
Tell him you will be on your way, and do not address any more bull**** from him. He can spin it any way he wants but you can inform him that you'll not be putting up with it, and you'll be finding a man who isn't attached to his ex.
If he wants to deal with his boundaries let him demonstrate it to you. He can be there for his ex while single..... fighting over it only gives him opportunities to justify and bull****.
Just set your boundaries and enforce them.