My husband is obsessed with/feels responsible for his ex
My husband is obsessed with his ex in a way that he feels responsible for her pain, loneliness and being unsuccessful romantically. They were together for 5 years and NEVER married. She was just a girlfriend to him, she didn't even get a proposal or thought of one. They have 1 child together, who was an accident that happened very early in their relationship, a few months. My husband didn't want her to have the baby, she obviously had it and he felt trapped. My husband suspects she may have lied about birth control to get knocked up on purpose, to try and secure him. Lady has issues.
My husband left her 12 YEARS ago. Time to move on and stop feeling bad for her. We have been married for 9 years. He isn't into her but feels bad for her. She's like a pity case to him. I understand the need to get along with an ex if a child is involved, but this is beyond that. My husband would probably do anything for her, if she'd ask.
If she asks for more time or to change the custody schedule my husband says he's fine with it when really he's not. If she needs help with something he helps her. I don't think she ever asks but their daughter tells my husband when something is up. For example, their daughter said their backyard was a mess and needed to have new sod put down. My husband went over, raked up her yard and prepped it for new grass, laid sod and went over a couple times a day to water it while his ex was out of town. She came back to a redone yard. My husband says it's for their daughter. She's 16! She's not out there playing on a damn swing set. I doubt she ever steps out there.
Before that their dishwasher broke, my husband went over and figured out what was wrong, ordered the part and fixed it for her. Or, for their daughter, as he claims. Every time they exchange their daughter he wants to talk to her and see how she is doing. Their daughter is 16, they don't need to have friendly conversations, she can walk herself inside. She has a licence and my husband has been putting off getting her a car, part of me thinks it's because he'd have less interaction with his ex.
If his ex called him at 3:00AM to replace a lightbulb my husband would probably run over. To my knowledge, she never asks him for anything other than custody changes, but my husband would jump on it. He has said that he feels bad for her. She is a pity case.
She was single for about 10 years before finding a man interested in a relationship with her. Like I said, she has issues. Decently attractive and has a good job but otherwise a mess. She was raped and has issues there. Her dad murdered her mom and sibling so she has issues there and no family. My husband said they stopped having sex after their daughter was born because she had unsolvable "issues" after the birth that lasted the rest of the relationship. She confided in him years ago that she had been dating a guy and it didn't work out because of sexual issues. My husband sees it as, he left her because she was raped, because she had physical trauma after their daughter was born and because she had family issues. Not because they were incompatible, so he feels like the worlds biggest ********* and wants to try and make it up.
My husband and his ex are not close. She avoids asking him for things and seeing him, it's my husband who would bend over backwards if she just asked.
I know that she has dated a bit because their daughter has mentioned it. She didn't find a man to want a relationship with her until recently. She's been with a man for about a year. My husband thankfully backed off a bit with helping her and bending over backwards. Until recently.... When he learned who she was in a relationship with. Which is a man who works in my husband's office. They don't know is each other, but my husband knows he is married. The guy has pictures of his wife and kids on his desk, my husband when out of his way to look. Now my husband is obsessed over how to tell her and doesn't want to hurt her "again". Literally he will not shut up about it. He will wake me up in the middle of the night to talk about it.
He claims to wait to to tell her because it could affect their daughter. My opinion is to ****ing bad. Choose a better partner. Their daughter has only seen him a couple times, she's a teenager - she wants nothing to do with her mom's (married) boyfriend. Who knows, maybe she knows he is married and doesn't care or took what she could get. Hell, I would after 10 years of no one wanting anything to do with me. My husband thinks he can't tell her because it can't come from him. I told him to forget about it or just figure out how to tell the guys wife because that will bring it all crashing down, but he doesn't want his ex to find out that way. He will not ****ing drop it! And it is driving me ****ing crazy.
I can talk to my husband about this until the cow's come home and he just doesn't get it. He thinks they have a normal relationship and that he "cares about the mother of his child". How do I snap some sense into him? Or am I just being a jealous *****? I'll admit, I don't like his ex. Not really for anything that she has done, but because of how my husband acts.
Last edited by literret; 04-15-2017 at 09:09 PM.