What to do in this situation? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
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Thumbs down What to do in this situation?

Hi, I apologize in advance if this is gonna be a bit long but I want to explain things well. It's all true sadly.

I met this guy online. He was in the US and I was in the UK. At the time I was with someone else. To make it short, he initially lied about everything regarding himself. He was in his late 30s and still living with parents, virgin, not in shape and unemployed for years. He had a problem with me not being a virgin (I only had one guy before him, my ex who I was with for years) depicting me like a you can imagine what whenever we had an argument and my being fat. I never hid any of this to him. he was aware of my situation in every sense from the beginning.

Anyway I ended up leaving my ex for this guy. I found a job, working 10 hour shifts at night in a supermarket (now I have a nice plantar fascitiis), rented a place and got in debt. He moved in with me from the US telling me from the start he had a substantial amount of money in savings but for him that money doesn't exist and he won't touch it as he worked in a sh**ty job to earn it and he holds on to it as it's all he's got. Basically I have been keeping him ever since. He can't work unless I marry him but I honestly don't want to marry at the moment. I haven't asked a penny from him.
When we were still talking online I sent him a few things, including creams for his skin conditions, 50 worth of chocolates for him and his family etc.

He spends his days here online on some imageboard and chatting on his phone, watching TV. He does wash the dishes but apart from that he doesn't do much else around the house, considering he is home 24 hours a day and I work. I haven't said anything about it. He commented on my standards of cleanliness not being good and going on about how his mum (who is a homemaker) cleans well instead. All this while he doesn't clean though. As I said I work nights and since he won't go out anywhere because he doesn't want my neighnbours seeing him, I do all the shopping as well.
If I were to point out how I keep him and I get just comments about hot girls (since he hates that I'm fat), how he can watch porn if he wants (with the connection I pay for of course and knowing how much I hate that) and that I'm a liar (I told him some little lies here and there which were mainly lies by omission but he lied to me too!) that can't be trusted, he'd just tell me I'm the typical woman who pretends not to care about money but really does. I called him selfish during an argument and now he keeps saying he'll give me a couple of thousand dollars so he won't feel like he owes me anything.

He also had the nerve to ask me what I did for him exactly. He goes on like I am a bad person. I can't stand being considered like that when I work to basically pay for stuff and have nothing spare and have to resort to credit cards to get to the next payday. All this while he sits on his a$$ all day just whining about me.

I'm at a point where I'd want him to go back but without making me look like the bad guy who is sending him away. He keeps saying he's going but he never does and I suspect it's because while he's here he doesn't spend a cent, whilst at home he'd have to help his parents financially. I really don't want to give him the satisfaction of saying I'm a typical woman. Please help me!

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 08:22 PM
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Re: What to do in this situation?

I would not care if I would look bad or not, I would send this lazy liar home to his parents.

You do matter!
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 08:30 PM
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Re: What to do in this situation?

Originally Posted by Lostme View Post
I would not care if I would look bad or not, I would send this lazy liar home to his parents.

Girlfriend, who cares what he or anyone thinks? Think about your own interests!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 09:18 PM
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Re: What to do in this situation?

Time to put on your big girl pants and take charge of your life.

YOU are the only one who can do this. YOU can make things better. YOU can have a better life, better quality of life. But YOU have to do it.

He's a grown man, even if he doesn't act like it. What he does when YOU break up with him is his problem, not yours. Tell him he needs to leave. Don't listen to any argument. Take anything of value out of the apartment, keep it with a friend...including things with sentimental value...in case he gets stupid and takes or trashes things on his way out.

If you are nervous, or think he won't go.... have a friend, someone from work maybe, or a family member with you for moral support. Tell him to his face, in front of a witness, that he has to go. That where he goes is his problem, but he has to go. Then follow that up with a text message, so you have it in writing that he knows he has to go. Ignore any argument on his part.... just inform him in a business-like manner.

Take this one step....telling him to go. The next step is possibly dealing with fall-out. THEN, the next step is getting over it, forgiving yourself for this misstep, letting go of his ugly words. You KNOW that is his insecurities that makes him say ugly things to you. It has nothing to do with you. Hard to accept, but its true.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 09:24 PM
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Re: What to do in this situation?

As others have already mentioned, its about protecting yourself now and your future.

Sounds like you have done far more to make things work and he does not deserve you.

Be strong for yourself and stand up for what is right and from what you have described on here, its time to send him home back to his mommy.

Good luck.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 01:15 AM
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Cool Re: What to do in this situation?

This guy is a loser and a lout of the nth degree!

You need to fastly lose him like the bad habit he is!

Send his a$$ packing!

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 03:30 AM
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Re: What to do in this situation?

Girl you kick his miserable, lazy arse to the kerb right now!

Who the hell does he think he is? An overweight, mid 30's virgin who lives with his mummy and daddy??? Bahahahaha - oh puhleeze. He aint no prize.

Next time he offers you money, damn well take it - he can pay his way!

What an arsehole. Dump him.
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