I feel like it is not only slowly killing the marriage but my self esteem as well. It's been hard to deal with and I can't really talk to anyone about it.
Have you considered hiring some household help?
Early in my marriage to my son's father (long before our son came along), we were talking about housework, etc. Now we both worked full time. When we came to the bathroom in the discussion, my husband announced "I DO NOT DO TOILETS!". To which I replied that we had a problem because I too do not do toilets (I do, but was not going to let his poly work to force me to be the only one who would clean the bathrooms.)
So I hired someone to clear the toilets, well to clean the house because he would not agree to any sort of housework. I then complained about having a stranger in our home. But we had a clean home and neither of us did the toilets.
I also started a business so that I could be with our son more when he was born. I hired a high school girl to take care of him while I worked at home or at my office. I was still there. I could still spend time with him on breaks, etc. But when I was concentrating on my work or with a client, she took care of him.
There are ways to stand up to his attitude and make this work. You work, he works. Maybe neither of you should be cleaning the toilets.