I can't do this anymore - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 02:27 PM
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Re: I can't do this anymore

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Originally Posted by mpz2013 View Post
I feel like it is not only slowly killing the marriage but my self esteem as well. It's been hard to deal with and I can't really talk to anyone about it.
Have you considered hiring some household help?

Early in my marriage to my son's father (long before our son came along), we were talking about housework, etc. Now we both worked full time. When we came to the bathroom in the discussion, my husband announced "I DO NOT DO TOILETS!". To which I replied that we had a problem because I too do not do toilets (I do, but was not going to let his poly work to force me to be the only one who would clean the bathrooms.)

So I hired someone to clear the toilets, well to clean the house because he would not agree to any sort of housework. I then complained about having a stranger in our home. But we had a clean home and neither of us did the toilets.

I also started a business so that I could be with our son more when he was born. I hired a high school girl to take care of him while I worked at home or at my office. I was still there. I could still spend time with him on breaks, etc. But when I was concentrating on my work or with a client, she took care of him.

There are ways to stand up to his attitude and make this work. You work, he works. Maybe neither of you should be cleaning the toilets.

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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 02:31 PM
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Re: I can't do this anymore

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I have tried asking for help. We even made a spreadsheet with household chores and who does what. He doesn't stick to it.

I agree about the MIL being a bad idea. It makes me uncomfortable.

Yes we are more than comfortable on his income alone. He just got a big raise which made up for some of what we lost when I quit my job. He knows about the business and has been very supportive of it.
What sort of things do you do for him? For example, do you do his laundry?

Stop doing his laundry. He'll figure out how to do it once he has no clean clothing to wear.

Do you clean up little messes he leaves around? If you do, get a basket (like a laundry basket, and just through his things in the basket. Do not put them away. He can do that.

Get creative. Put things on him that he has to do for himself.
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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 02:32 PM
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Oh, and tell him that no, your mother is not going to be your maid... tell him it is disrespectful to use her that way.
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 02:36 PM
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Re: I can't do this anymore

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Originally Posted by mpz2013 View Post
I have tried asking for help. We even made a spreadsheet with household chores and who does what. He doesn't stick to it.

I agree about the MIL being a bad idea. It makes me uncomfortable.

Yes we are more than comfortable on his income alone. He just got a big raise which made up for some of what we lost when I quit my job. He knows about the business and has been very supportive of it.
Another idea...

You can now order groceries from Walmart. In some areas they deliver, in others you just go pick them up. But they do all the shopping.

In my area Smith's does this too. Other stores are doing this in other cities.

I've started ordering my groceries online.

Order your groceries online and either have them delivered or tell him to go pick them up.
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 03:04 PM
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Re: I can't do this anymore

I have a book recommendation for you: "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum‎.
https://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-St.../dp/0452275350

I believe that it was @Satya who recommended it to me a little while ago, and boy is it an eye-opener!

I'm sorry that you're in the spot you're in; it's never fun to feel unappreciated.
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