01-05-2012, 02:46 PM
Join Date: Dec 2011
| | "Love Lessons" (found this on internet)
Here is something interesting I found on the internet...I was actually searching for how to lower the temperature but, hopefully, this will be more beneficial than lowering the temperature, which I think means to pull away from your partner or only give as much as you get from your partner.
Following, I copied and pasted what I actually wrote to my wife and I hope this improves our communication and brings us closer together.
Love Lessons from the Smart Marriages® Conference
We know communication is important, but just how do we do it? The Daily Temperature Reading, created by Virginia Satir, is a step-by-step guide to getting it right.
Practice for a month and soon the behaviors will become habits. Do them all - even if at first they seem artificial or corny. These simple but crucial skills can make the difference between misery and happiness.
Appreciations: Share five things you appreciate about each other. These can range from the simple "I like your smile" to the sublime "I like it that you were able to kiss and make up after I forgot to pick you up last night." Appreciations build up credit in the love bank. It can be a nice surprise to realize just how much our partners notice and appreciate.
Wishes, Hopes, and Dreams: Describe three things you hope for in the long run ("I hope to complete a marathon by the time I'm 40") and in the short run ("This week-end I'd like to spend a half-hour alone with my dad when he visits.") A partner who understands your dreams is able to help them happen. Remember that hopes change as we go along and it's important to keep each other current.
New Information: We often forget to update our partner about a change in plans or circumstances. We tell people at work or a family member and think we've told our spouse. Make the daily updates a ritual. Information like "The dentist said Bobby won't need braces after all" or "I'll have to be in San Francisco an extra day" is crucial to staying in-synch and feeling connected.
Puzzles: Clear-up big or little mysteries before they become suspicions, jealousy, false assumptions, or resentments. Most "puzzles" have simple explanations. "You promised you'd water the tomatoes before you left this morning. What happened?" "The water was turned off. Was it back on when you got up?" You have to ask.
Complaints with Request for Change: Get in the habit of saying what you want rather than what you don't want. Describe a specific behavior that bothers you and explain how you'd like it done. Instead of "I get furious when you call and don't leave a message," say, "Honey, when you call and get the machine, please don't say 'It's me' and hang up. Say why you're calling, and when you'll call back, or be home, or whatever it was you were calling to tell me." If you forget to say why you were calling. Call back. Even if it's long distance. It's an inexpensive investment in your marriage. Cheaper than a dozen roses.
So, this is what I sent my wife...in the past, I would have just ignored her, she would've gotten upset with me for ignoring her, I would've gotten upset with her for a variety of reasons, and it would've been a whole couple days of being pissed off at each other. Hopefully, this is the more mature and more loving way to communicate and yields better results...
To: My Wife
I appreciate that you love OUR dogs and take such good care of them.
I appreciate that you try to meet my sexual needs.
I appreciate that you are very exotic looking and pretty.
I appreciate that you are bilingual.
I appreciate that you get along well with others and can easily make new friends.
I wish we were closer in the bedroom and I did not get the perception that you'd rather not be having sex with me half the time lately.
I hope we can continue to improve our marriage through better communication, mutual respect and by mutually meeting each others needs, needs which must be communicated rather than taking it for granted that we are always aware of each others needs.
I dream that we can get back on solid ground financially in order to each lead a less stressful existence, a slightly better lifestyle and be able to provide for our future family.
I had a ham and cheese omellette for breakfast with hashed browns and 1/2 a piece of toast with strawberry jelly. Also, I had about 11 m&m's last night before bed.
Let's sit down this weekend and go over that bill of mine and you can coach me on how to set up a payment plan.
COMPLAINTS WITH REQUEST FOR CHANGE:
I want you to show me that you WANT me in the bedroom.
I want you to not compare me--a 40 year old man with his wife of 3 years--to your then 37 year old ex-boyfriend with his then new 23 year old girlfriend who kept things fresh by having another girlfriend on the side and who knows who else.
I want you to understand that I am sensitive and look for affirmation from you in the bedroom and when, instead, I get condemnation, it makes it very difficult for me to perform and to complete the task at hand.
I want you to be more willing to let me help out with things rather than taking on all the tasks yourself.
I want you to be patient with me and know that while something may take me longer than it would take you, that, ultimately, I will only improve at it if given an opportunity.
I want you to KNOW that I love you and want our marriage to last forever and for us to be ONE and to be loving, respectful and both compassionate with each other and passionate for each other.