Dont understand my fiance
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Old 01-05-2012, 03:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Dont understand my fiance

Before I start let me tell you a little bit about me in a nut shell, so if its me, then we can point that out right away.
Im a sensitive women.
I have been engaged before and was cheated on. Got rid of him.
Moved on and met my fiance now about 2 years ago, we were on and off the first 6 months, he couldn't decide if he was happy with me or not. Once he made up his mind, and I decided to take him back (almost didn't) he proposed last September... We have had our ups and downs like every couple...
He is a great guy, very very smart. Handsome. Great family..
He is a bit of a drama queen, and has some anger issues (not physical)... he has addressed them and knows he has a problem. He knows its hard on me when he gets angry, and we are working slowly on progress. Lately though I haven't felt "the love" we make love and its wonderful. but its the only time he wants to kiss me... I love to be held, kissed, and touched... he knows this and dost do it... today i mentioned that we needed to kiss more, and he flipped out on me... he never really acts excited to see me when I come home from work/gym ... I get the vibe that maybe I am getting on his nerves or he has to put up with me... I dont know he just hurts my feelings alot... I know that no one is perfect.. but in the back of my head Im thinking, well atleast he isnt cheating on me and we get along most of the time... but I kinda feel like something is missing, am I being to sensitive?
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Old 01-05-2012, 04:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dont understand my fiance

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Originally Posted by younglady86 View Post
He is a bit of a drama queen, and has some anger issues (not physical)... he has addressed them and knows he has a problem.

... today i mentioned that we needed to kiss more, and he flipped out on me... I get the vibe that maybe I am getting on his nerves or he has to put up with me... I dont know he just hurts my feelings alot...
Sounds like he hasn't completely addressed his anger issues. So, he "knows" he has a problem. My husband "knew" he was an alcoholic, and announced it to me one afternoon. My response? "Yeah, so what?" Addressing an issue means a lot more than just acknowledging it.

Yes, you may be somewhat sensitive, but he blew up because you said you wanted to kiss more? From his perspective, being told he "needs" to do something could come across like an order. On the other hand (I'm trying to see both sides of this issue), he "flipped out" and you get the feeling you're getting on his nerves.

Low-level irritation is anger leaking out; slowly perhaps, but I bet there's lots more stuffed down inside him than he's willing to face right now.

Has he ever sought professional counseling for his anger? If not, I'd suggest you wait to put a deposit on a wedding gown until your fiance REALLY faces his anger.
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Old 01-05-2012, 06:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dont understand my fiance

What did he say when he flipped out about kissing more??? If he knows that he has a anger problem is he willing to do something about it if not then maybe you should point out to him that it will only cause further problems in your marriage which will be harder to deal with. He really needs to talk to a counsellor about his anger and get help with it also i would recommend relationship counselling for the two of you. Good luck
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Old 01-06-2012, 07:10 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dont understand my fiance

You are not being too sensitive. You have legitimate emotional needs for non sexual physical contact. If your man cannot meet your needs, what will happen is you will stop meeting his needs. And your marriage and life willl be very unfulfilling on both sides with each of you thinking the other is at fault. This is a very serious issue. The purpose of pre-marital dating is to find a man you are compatible with, not do a project of turning him into something he is not. My advice is to break your engagement and find a man who is willing to provide physical non sexual contact.
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Old 01-06-2012, 11:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dont understand my fiance

If he flipped out cause you told him you want to kiss--his anger issues are far from over.

Does he blow up at the slightest thing? Does he talk down to you? Does he listen to you when you have genuine concerns? Elaborate on this anger issue.

Does your family like him? Your friends? How long dating?

You feel something is off because it is.
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