Re: New Here!
I really didn't deal with relationship advice, I did get a get a bachelor's degree in addiction, and finished my practicum working with women in a addiction center. My work after consisted of working with children who have behavioral /emotional issues in the home, schools, in clinic.
I guess my advice to someone suffering from addiction would be to get yourself right before attempting to get into a relationship. While I knew before I married my husband he had dealt with alcohol issues before, they were not glaringly apparent and there was only one time he was out of line drunk, and after a year and a half I chalked that up to just being an idiot for that night. Since we've been married (a year next weekend) there have been five times, with the first two being insanly verbally abusive. While I did study it, it is completely different living it. For instance, I didn't know not to engage a drunk like I am learning now. The first two instances were when I went after him and stood my ground and yelled back. This year, I didn't really say anything, other than after the Super Bowl which was the first time I recorded him. Out of litteraly no where (he's not even a football fan) he became irate and started yelling that when my 14 year old son came back, he better not rub it in. I was shocked because my son and my husband have a good relationship, with the normal razzing each other about sports teams. It was crazy and I slept upstairs, which I had never done. My husband knew the next day he had made a huge mistake. The pregnancy misery out with another couple and the super bowl have been the only incidents this year before last night. So, I didn't realize how much alcohol would have an effect until we were married. I love my husband very much. I am a smart, caring attractive woman who feels empty right now. My husband constantly tells me all he wants is for me to be happy, but I feel like an insecure idiot. He tells me that I am make little things into big things, and I'm always playing the victim. When things like this come up, if he's home he will say (I was sexually abused as a young girl, and when I finally told my mom a few years later when we were supposed to go to this person's house for dinner, she did nothing and let me stay home but she and my father went to the dinner ; she didn't tell my father apparently till years later) he says I'm the victim and don't hold myself accountable. Maybe he is right, I don't. I apparently let people treat me like ****, but if I said that he'd say the victim thing. I was married before for over ten years, and my ex and his wife and I get along for the kids sake. I'm not a bad person, I guess I am in denial because I am truly in love for the first time. And no, it had nothing to do with his money or looks, even though we have an amazing sex life I've never had with anyone. He is usually a good person and he's ana amazing father, to the point I wonder sometimes how he says he loves me and obviously loves his children. When they throw a fit, he is upset that they are mad, but when things with me happens it's like he could care less, even though later he says that's not true.... Maybe I needed a good kick in the rear to hear what most of you are saying. I guess in my mind him calling me a fing jerk over and over wasn't like he was calling me a B. Apparently I need to go speak to someone.