My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 08:10 AM Thread Starter
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My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

I feel like my life is part of a lifetime movie production.

My mother in law called to inform that she has spoken to Chris and she has to say that maybe I am blowing everything out of proportion. Apparently Chris denied having any interest in me (surprise) and reminded her that I am a very sensitive person. She said she reminded him of the two instances I shared earlier and he said he can't even remember ever doing it but if he is doing anything to make me uncomfortable he would do his best to stop. He also told her that if he was ever in the business of cheating on his wife it would be with her or one of her beautiful daughters (she fondly chuckled at that).

I asked her what she meant earlier about noticing his growing affections towards me, she explained that in retrospect it really is nothing. When I pushed she said that his eyes were always following me, which she explained off as that could be because of my inability to sit still (which is a truth I can't sit still for too long periods of time).
And that he always positions his seat opposite me, which again she said is nothing referring to the fact that I always take the end of the table because I am left handed, and that he too might have his own seating preferences.

I can't say honestly that I have ever noticed any of her observation but it does feel that whenever Chris is around he is always in my face without being in my face (I can't explain it). She even added that maybe I should think about having another baby (don't even want to exam that comment).

I have resigned from it all. I told my husband that if he wanted to stay at Chris' for the summer that is fine with me and Chris can come around as he likes. He said he was happy that his mother was able to talk some sense into me. He also told me that Chris called him while i was speaking to my MIL to talk about his 40th birthday in June. And Chris will be coming home to celebrate his big day with him.

This morning I woke up to a message from Chris all it had was a smiley face. I didn't even bother to show my husband. I am finished. I am really exhausted at this moment.

Que sera sera.

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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 08:27 AM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

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Originally Posted by sunshinie View Post
I feel like my life is part of a lifetime movie production.

My mother in law called to inform that she has spoken to Chris and she has to say that maybe I am blowing everything out of proportion. Apparently Chris denied having any interest in me (surprise) and reminded her that I am a very sensitive person. She said she reminded him of the two instances I shared earlier and he said he can't even remember ever doing it but if he is doing anything to make me uncomfortable he would do his best to stop. He also told her that if he was ever in the business of cheating on his wife it would be with her or one of her beautiful daughters (she fondly chuckled at that).

I asked her what she meant earlier about noticing his growing affections towards me, she explained that in retrospect it really is nothing. When I pushed she said that his eyes were always following me, which she explained off as that could be because of my inability to sit still (which is a truth I can't sit still for too long periods of time).
And that he always positions his seat opposite me, which again she said is nothing referring to the fact that I always take the end of the table because I am left handed, and that he too might have his own seating preferences.

I can't say honestly that I have ever noticed any of her observation but it does feel that whenever Chris is around he is always in my face without being in my face (I can't explain it). She even added that maybe I should think about having another baby (don't even want to exam that comment).

I have resigned from it all. I told my husband that if he wanted to stay at Chris' for the summer that is fine with me and Chris can come around as he likes. He said he was happy that his mother was able to talk some sense into me. He also told me that Chris called him while i was speaking to my MIL to talk about his 40th birthday in June. And Chris will be coming home to celebrate his big day with him.

This morning I woke up to a message from Chris all it had was a smiley face. I didn't even bother to show my husband. I am finished. I am really exhausted at this moment.

Que sera sera.
It sounds like Chris IS messing with you - for whatever reason! He can only get to you if you let him! I think you are smart to totally let this go! Ignore him, block him from your phone or however he is messaging you! Be respectfully polite around him, but don't show any interest in him or what he does! Don't talk to him, other than to be polite. Let him be your husbands annoying friend that you tolerate for your husband's sake. He will tire of his game if you don't play along!!!
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:09 AM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

How is it any of your MIL's concern?

I don't understand how she got involved.

As for Chris and your husband... ENFORCE THE BOUNDARY.

Every time your husband ignores your concerns and support Chris, he is choosing a friend over the marriage.

Make sure he sees and feels this.

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"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:31 AM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

This guy likes to mess with people's heads. Once he knows he has your attention he'll just try to get more and more outrageous. He won't stop and will probably get more and more inappropriate. It obviously doesn't make anyone else uncomfortable...even your MIL. The main thing is that he makes you uncomfortable and if your H won't do anything about it, shame on him. If you say that you aren't going on the vacation and spending time in his house, you are well within your rights to do so.

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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 10:18 AM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

Hmmmm, maybe respond to Chris's texts in a friendly manner. When Chris is around, make it seem like your husband isn't even around, after all, his doing nothing is allowing this to escalate. When your husband notices only Chris matters, tell your husband why do you have a problem now? I expressed my concerns and you felt nothing should be done, well that's how I feel now. Now let me get back to Chris, I don't want to miss anything. Just my opinion, but when vulnerability falls on deaf ears you make a statement that is deafening.

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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 10:49 AM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

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Hmmmm, maybe respond to Chris's texts in a friendly manner. When Chris is around, make it seem like your husband isn't even around, after all, his doing nothing is allowing this to escalate. When your husband notices only Chris matters, tell your husband why do you have a problem now? I expressed my concerns and you felt nothing should be done, well that's how I feel now. Now let me get back to Chris, I don't want to miss anything. Just my opinion, but when vulnerability falls on deaf ears you make a statement that is deafening.
This might actually be a good way to handle this situation.

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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 11:33 AM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

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This might actually be a good way to handle this situation.

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This is how I used to get rid of girlfriends friends who hung around too much.On the odd occasion that we would be on our own I would ask "where's x,is she not around today,pity because she's great fun"Worked every time.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 12:26 PM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

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This might actually be a good way to handle this situation.

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Agree. Kill Chris with kindness, so to speak. Go out of your way to be kind and friendly, no matter what kind of jerkoff comments he makes.

Pretty soon (when he realizes he's no longer getting under your skin) you'll be beating him at his own mindgames -- he'll be the one saying to himself, "WTF??"


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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 12:34 PM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

I'm beginning to think that there are more bi-sexual and/or in-closet gay married men that I ever imagined. Whenever I try to get my husband to stay home on a Saturday, he pouts like a teenage girl who can't see her boyfriend. When I play along and let him go over to his bro's every Saturday where the toxic friend is, I'm the best wifey-poo in the universe.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 12:44 PM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

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Originally Posted by sunshinie View Post
I feel like my life is part of a lifetime movie production.

My mother in law called to inform that she has spoken to Chris and she has to say that maybe I am blowing everything out of proportion. Apparently Chris denied having any interest in me (surprise) and reminded her that I am a very sensitive person. She said she reminded him of the two instances I shared earlier and he said he can't even remember ever doing it but if he is doing anything to make me uncomfortable he would do his best to stop. He also told her that if he was ever in the business of cheating on his wife it would be with her or one of her beautiful daughters (she fondly chuckled at that).

I asked her what she meant earlier about noticing his growing affections towards me, she explained that in retrospect it really is nothing. When I pushed she said that his eyes were always following me, which she explained off as that could be because of my inability to sit still (which is a truth I can't sit still for too long periods of time).
And that he always positions his seat opposite me, which again she said is nothing referring to the fact that I always take the end of the table because I am left handed, and that he too might have his own seating preferences.

I can't say honestly that I have ever noticed any of her observation but it does feel that whenever Chris is around he is always in my face without being in my face (I can't explain it). She even added that maybe I should think about having another baby (don't even want to exam that comment).

I have resigned from it all. I told my husband that if he wanted to stay at Chris' for the summer that is fine with me and Chris can come around as he likes. He said he was happy that his mother was able to talk some sense into me. He also told me that Chris called him while i was speaking to my MIL to talk about his 40th birthday in June. And Chris will be coming home to celebrate his big day with him.

This morning I woke up to a message from Chris all it had was a smiley face. I didn't even bother to show my husband. I am finished. I am really exhausted at this moment.

Que sera sera.
Wow, I can't believe your husband didn't flip out over you getting your MIL involved! What grown man wants his mom getting involved in his business? I guess I owe manwithnoname a dollar. lol

As for this Chris guys flippant response with the smiley face you have to think he's just baiting you and knows perfectly well he has been pushing the boundaries. Does he know you didn't like him in the beginning? Maybe his goal is to cause you discomfort because he feels he needs to get back at you. He is probably telling your husband and MIL you're just making things up because you have never liked him and want him out of your husbands life. You should definitely block any way he can contact you, and you should show your husband the smiley face text as another example of Chris being a ****. Of coarse they will all say he was just trying to say "no hard feelings".

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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

I wouldn't "kill him with kindness" -- just ignore him. Now that you know that he watches you, and positions himself in certain ways, when he does, just move... He sounds like EITHER he really does like you and is mind****ing everyone else, OR he's the type that likes to get under your skin just to irritate the hell out of you because YOU have your husband which limits their time together.

I WOULDN'T be overly friendly -- honestly is sounds like your husband a) wouldn't notice it unless you were naked and sitting in his lap and b) he'd just be happy "gee it's great you are getting along better".

BTW, DEF block him. Why does he need to text YOU at all? Block him from FB and any other way for him to get to you electronically.

Last edited by jlg07; 04-21-2017 at 12:54 PM.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

The guy might be interested in (sleeping with) you and taking advantage of everyone's trust (ignorance) in him to try to get you in his trap.

In my first marriage, my husband's childhood bf was subtly hitting on me, and my husband thought I was just imagining things. The custom in the country we lived in was to touch cheeks and kiss the air when you greeted each other, or said goodbye. His friend would press his lips on my cheek and let them linger. He would also hug me just a little too long, and press his body to mine, which was definitely not the custom. It creeped me out and I told my husband. He said, "Oh don't worry about him, he has sisters and is comfortable around women.

Fast forward 2 years, and the guy made his real move, that there was no way to explain away. Now he and my ex are not friends anymore because of it, and I am rid of the husband who put his friend above me during the marriage. Ex lost his bf, and he lost me.

Stay away from Chris, and keep the high ground. Scorn him as if he were a worthless peon, not worth your attention.

Above all, protect yourself.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 01:03 PM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

Also, after the bf made his real move on me, and I made it clear to him that I was not interested in having an A with him, he began talking about me to my ex behind my back, trying to convince him that I was not to be trusted.

Any friend who hits on their friend's spouse is a scum bag, and is not a friend of the marriage. You need to make your husband aware of everything, and that even your MIL notices what is going on before you look like you are complicit.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 02:51 PM
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

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Originally Posted by drifting on View Post
Hmmmm, maybe respond to Chris's texts in a friendly manner. When Chris is around, make it seem like your husband isn't even around, after all, his doing nothing is allowing this to escalate. When your husband notices only Chris matters, tell your husband why do you have a problem now? I expressed my concerns and you felt nothing should be done, well that's how I feel now. Now let me get back to Chris, I don't want to miss anything. Just my opinion, but when vulnerability falls on deaf ears you make a statement that is deafening.
...or you might want to come on strong to mess with HIS head a little. Flirt with him a little since your H and your MIL have no problem with it. You might be amazed at how much Chris won't know what to do. Guys like him never know what to do when a woman finally calls their bluff.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 04:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law

It is difficult to explain ones life in few sentences so as not to be misunderstood. I will try to explain. My husband is not the kind of man you trifle with, there is a boundary I wouldn't dare cross with him. Causally flirting or paying attention to Chris is one of them, not only would there be hell to pay but it would be a great embarrassment to him. And I would never put him in that position, even at the expense of my hurt feelings.

Also, I have been kind to Chris that is what I think has gotten me into this whole situation. I had actually let my guard down and really taken to a real friendship with him. When I first noticed his behavior I started ignoring him, and I still do, I usually just tell my husband about it.

Not going on vacation is not an option because my husband said I have to go, and there is no other discussion on it. It would be hard for some to understand but it is our way, our men are our head and they make the final decisions.

When his wife is around Chris is usually well behaved, too bad she is hardly ever around. Their relationship is hard to decipher, they are hardly ever together and Chris spend most of his time traveling alone, sometimes even vacationing by himself. Can't believe I used to feel sorry for him.

I'll continue to ignore him, stop talking to my husband about it, three weeks is enough time to kill a dead horse. And maybe just maybe Chris will get bored and move onto mind raping another of his friends' wives.
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