I need help. My husband always seems pissed off and blows up at me for the most nonsensical things. I'm not perfect by any means and can admit my faults, but the instances I am speaking to have been completely bogus.
Perfect example is he YELLED at me, and I mean really really screamed, because I text a coworker about work related things and my coworker replied with a meme that said, "Just blame me," (for an issue we had to bring to our manager). "Why does a coworker have your cell phone number? Why is he sending you memes? You are making me nervous about how you act while you're at work!" Um, what?! I even showed my in-laws the conversation thread between him and I and they were shocked that my husband spoke to me that way over what was essentially nothing. My husband has two employees who are female that he has text outside of work hours for non-work things - recently, he told one of them that he and I were headed to a St Patty's Day block party and she told him she was going, too. She text him that evening to see where he was at, told him she was drunk, etc. I really didn't care about the texting because I trust my husband, but the double standard drives me CRAZY! Why is ok for him, but not me?
Another example is I invited a male coworker (who is married and has two kids) to come play soccer with my husband and I because our team is notoriously short subs. My husband immediately said, "I don't like that." "So explain this situation to me, YOU invited HIM to come to our soccer game?!" I really didn't see any harm in it considering my husband has invited his female secretary to play soccer with us in the past. My husband gave me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment for the rest of the night and then gives me a next day lecture about how I am going beyond boundaries. Again, WHAT?!
This behavior from him happens even when a third party isn't involved. Every week night he gets home before I do and one night he wasn't there. I waited 10-15 minutes and chalked it up to bad traffic or whatever before I finally called him. He answered and then just hung up on me. I called him back and he answers with a sassy and sarcastic, "HELLO?!?!" I said, "Hi, are you ok? You usually make it home before me." He said, again very sassy and sarcastically, "Well, I didn't. What the F do you want me to do about it?!" I replied, "You don't need to do anything, I was just calling to make sure you were ok." He said, "Well I'll be home in 2 minutes" and then hung up the phone. When he got home, I was in the kitchen and heard glass shatter about 10 seconds after he walked in the door. Come to find out he chucked his work bag at the wall and broke his pyrex glass lunch dish. Then, he proceeded to punch the wall repeatedly (about 4-5 times) in the shower. After some 'gentle' exchanged words, come to find out he had a pretty ****ty day at work but I still don't feel like that's a way to talk to your wife or act?
I have tried to talk to him on multiple occasions about how his words and actions really upset me and while he seems genuinely apologetic, he always makes excuses and the behavior never changes. I reached out to a therapist today to schedule an individual consultation meeting but I fear that my husband would have another temper episode if he found out I am seeking professional help. Has anyone experienced similar situations and if so, how did you handle?
No kids
We both work
Together 6 years
Perfect example is he YELLED at me, and I mean really really screamed, because I text a coworker about work related things and my coworker replied with a meme that said, "Just blame me," (for an issue we had to bring to our manager). "Why does a coworker have your cell phone number? Why is he sending you memes? You are making me nervous about how you act while you're at work!" Um, what?! I even showed my in-laws the conversation thread between him and I and they were shocked that my husband spoke to me that way over what was essentially nothing. My husband has two employees who are female that he has text outside of work hours for non-work things - recently, he told one of them that he and I were headed to a St Patty's Day block party and she told him she was going, too. She text him that evening to see where he was at, told him she was drunk, etc. I really didn't care about the texting because I trust my husband, but the double standard drives me CRAZY! Why is ok for him, but not me?
Another example is I invited a male coworker (who is married and has two kids) to come play soccer with my husband and I because our team is notoriously short subs. My husband immediately said, "I don't like that." "So explain this situation to me, YOU invited HIM to come to our soccer game?!" I really didn't see any harm in it considering my husband has invited his female secretary to play soccer with us in the past. My husband gave me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment for the rest of the night and then gives me a next day lecture about how I am going beyond boundaries. Again, WHAT?!
This behavior from him happens even when a third party isn't involved. Every week night he gets home before I do and one night he wasn't there. I waited 10-15 minutes and chalked it up to bad traffic or whatever before I finally called him. He answered and then just hung up on me. I called him back and he answers with a sassy and sarcastic, "HELLO?!?!" I said, "Hi, are you ok? You usually make it home before me." He said, again very sassy and sarcastically, "Well, I didn't. What the F do you want me to do about it?!" I replied, "You don't need to do anything, I was just calling to make sure you were ok." He said, "Well I'll be home in 2 minutes" and then hung up the phone. When he got home, I was in the kitchen and heard glass shatter about 10 seconds after he walked in the door. Come to find out he chucked his work bag at the wall and broke his pyrex glass lunch dish. Then, he proceeded to punch the wall repeatedly (about 4-5 times) in the shower. After some 'gentle' exchanged words, come to find out he had a pretty ****ty day at work but I still don't feel like that's a way to talk to your wife or act?
I have tried to talk to him on multiple occasions about how his words and actions really upset me and while he seems genuinely apologetic, he always makes excuses and the behavior never changes. I reached out to a therapist today to schedule an individual consultation meeting but I fear that my husband would have another temper episode if he found out I am seeking professional help. Has anyone experienced similar situations and if so, how did you handle?
No kids
We both work
Together 6 years