General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My current girlfriend has been my best friend for the past few years. There is a long story of of our relationship in the past years that I think may be important for this post. Here it goes, it may be long but I would appreciate the advice.
6 years ago, when I was 22, I dated a girl for 2 years. I'll call her girl B. It lasted about a year too long. During this relationship I met this other girl, girl A. She was dating a guy that is was an acquaintance of mine. I was very attracted to her and spoke when we were all out. Her boyfriend became abusive to her, physically and emotionally. I broke up with girl B and soon became close to girl A. She also broke up with her boyfriend right around that time too. Both girls also became friends. I moved away and went off to the army. Girl A was one of the few people that kept contact with me. We would talk multiple times, weekly. She was also getting to be good friends with my ex, girl B. Girl A would always be excited to see me when I came home on leave. She would always make time for me no matter what she was doing and even come to the airport to pick me up. Well, the time came when I had to deploy overseas. She was the only friend that kept in touch with me on a very regular basis. We would facebook, send emails, skype, or gchat a couple times a week. We became very, very close. We started to get to know eachother on a personal and emotional level. She became my best friend! I finally returned home from overseas for good and was on my post deployment leave back with my friends and family. We were all out one night and we were being very flirty as usual. She pulled me outside and asked me what I thought of her. I told that she is my best friend and I want her to be more than that. Unfortunately, I lived across the country and knew that now wasn't the time to pursue anything. During the rest of the month we would cuddle and spoon through the night. We did kiss once, but she said she felt guilty because of her friendship with my ex, girl B. But we still continued to flirt and cuddle. It was almost as if we were in a relationship, minus the physical factor. A year later, I got out of the army and moved back. I lived near her, and we grew even closer. We started felling the strong emotional connection even more now that we were able to be around eachother more. We started kissing again. But, we stopped because my ex, girl B was now planning on moving back and moving in with girl A. We decide before B moves back we need to tell her that girl A and I have feelings for eachother and want to pursue a relationship. We decided I would call girl B, and tell her. She gets upset and says she is not moving back anymore. Girls A and B are still friends to this day. Anyways, girl A was mad at me and we don't talk for a week but then we started talking and hanging out again. So we start to pursue a relationship. We start being physical, and we are very comfortable with everything. Everything is perfect....for two weeks. I can tell something is different so I asked her. Since we are such close friends its very easy for us to communicate. She tells me she thinks her feelings aren't where mine are. She doesn't have the romantic feelings for me that I have for her. I didn't believe it and thought she was making up excuses because she was scared. I wrote her a letter and of what I thought about everything. I thought she was scared of commitment because she has been very hurt in the past by guys. I thought she was thinking I was going to eventually hurt her. I was crushed by this, and stopped all communication with her, with my best friend. It was so hard. We would see eachother on the weekends because we have the same group of friends, but I never really paid any attention to her. It was too hard to see her. A month later she saw me and said she needed to talk to me and had a lot to say. We went out to dinner the next day and she basically said she wanted to be my girlfriend. That before she wasn't fully invested in our relationship, but she is ready now and she missed me so much. That was about a month ago. Everything was perfect. We are both extremely happy. We are perfect for eachother and we both think that.
Here's the problem. We haven't had sex in a week, which isn't really a big deal. I asked her what was going on. She said she feels like she should want to have sex with me all the time because we are in this new relationship. (even though it is a "new" relationship we are way past the get to know you phase since we have been best friends for years.) She said she was always affectionate with other guys but for some reason she doesn't feel that way with me. She doesn't feel that passion.
Obviously, that hurt to hear that. Can she not get over the friendship hump? Can she not get over the fact that I came between her and her friend? She is 24 about to get her masters, working and doing work with school. Is she stressed, or is it a period in her life where she feels she doesn't need sex? Are we not right for eachother? She checked her weight the other day. Instead of her normal 115lbs she her weight was 124lbs. She wasn't happy about that. Does she not feel attractive? Does she feel she doesn't need to have sex with me to "keep" me hanging around? I don't know what going on and neither does she. So I have no answers and I need some advice. The physical part of the relationship isn't the most important, I know that. It is however something a relationship needs. Everything else between us is absolutely perfect and she tells me that. I'm just confused right now and don't understand. She wants to still be with me. Is she just in a funk? Thank your for reading this long story. I'm frustrated and confused with what she said the other night. I care about her so much. Thank you for your input guys.
I didn't read your entire post cause it's long as hell but it could be that she has you in the Friend Zone and that's why the sex attraction isn't there. Talk to her about how you feel. Posted via Mobile Device
I know, it is a long post. I figured if I told the whole story it may be helpful. That is some what of what I'm thinking. Maybe, sexually she is having a hard time getting over the friend zone hump. How should I bring this up to her? Her and I talked earlier today and she said she really wants us to work but she is worried about these thoughts she is having about us being physical. And she doesn't want to give up, that she wants to find out why she feels this or to see if in time she it will change.
I think she still sees you as friend atm as its a new relationship and she knows everything about you. Give it time and things wil get better im guessing that she was not close friends with her exs before they got together.
You're right neither of us have been in relationships where we were friends with the person before we dated them. Her and I are starting this relationship with 4 years of friendship, 2 of which we consider eachother best friends, under our belt.
You're right neither of us have been in relationships where we were friends with the person before we dated them. Her and I are starting this relationship with 4 years of friendship, 2 of which we consider eachother best friends, under our belt.
Dont stress and give it time its new to both of you but women are more sensitive then men
Ok, I know I will get much flack for this but here goes. Most women are not very bright emotionally. I say this because, you always hear women say, "I want my boyfriend/husband/partner/whatever to be my best friend", but when they have that relationship, you're in the friend zone and they can't see you as anything more...WTF?! That's why I tell my wife, you're my wife, my best friend is my best friend, the things my best friend and I talk about, I don't and won't talk about with you. The friend zone has never been an issue for me, as I refuse to put myself in it, at least when I was dating. Anyhow, advice to you, get a new girlfriend. It's for your own good.
I want my H to be my best friend, meaning that I can tell him anything, that we aren't afraid to hurt each others' feelings, that we do most things together... but we have "best friends" outside of our marriage as well.
to the OP: IMO, your GF doesn't want to lose you as a friend, but doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with you. So when she told you that in the first place and you completely dropped her, she made a decision that she would rather be in a relationship without passion than be without you completely in her life. You need to cut her loose, but if possible, remain friends.
It's likely not possible to go back to being BFFs... you have ruined your friendship by taking it to a romantic relationship.
He's your husband, so by default you should be able to tell him anything, doesn't make him your best friend. If you were looking to date your best friend, you would have dated any of the other best male friends you had prior. My best friends are my boys that I see maybe a couple times a year, we hang out, talk ****, have a few drinks and clown on each other, none of which I can do with my wife. Can your husband get drunk with you? Can he tell you to stop being gay if you're complaining? Most women would not be able to handle what is true of a real male friendship. So again I state, Wife, best friend, the 2 can ne'er be the same.
1) You are a GWAP ("Girlfriend With A Penis"). She has just gotten so comfortable and fulfilled with you that she wants even more. She does not want to have sex with you now but fails to see that (lack of physical attraction) as a warning sign.
2) She's conflicted about the relationshp. She likes you, but the negative feedback from her friends troubles her. She is too immature to tell them "he's my boyfriend and either you accept that or we'll have to move on to other friendships".
Personally I think the second option is more likely, Skyping you constantly and asking you directly what you think of her are not things a lady does for a "BFF". She simply cares too much about your opinion of her and is too concerned with her being in the front of your mind.
Nonetheless, if she cannot be loyal to you and will let others dictate the terms on which she interacts with you, she isn't relationship material. You can either publicly be boyfriend and girlfriend, or be something else (platonic friends, FWBs).
Long time best friend is now girlfriend 
