When is it time to stop investigating
So here's a topic that I'm really curious about the response to. It's something I've been thinking about reading some of the threads on here.
So a little background on me, a little over a year ago I found that my wife had been texting another man that she knew through work pretty much from the time she woke up to the time she went to sleep everyday. I jumped the gun and confronted her about it without knowing anything other than the fact that the texting was taking place. I had done a little research and found out who the OM was and although I had never met him, I knew who he was. So she told me that they just text a lot about her work and life in general, that he gives her advice on work related things and they just became friends which led them to talking about their lives, families and just day to day things. I didn't completely buy into it but really what could I have done at the time, I had no evidence of anything and the two of them did cut all ties with each other. That made me even more suspicious but she claimed it was because I completely blew up at her over it, she told him how I reacted and he was honestly afraid of me. I investigated a little further and could still find nothing to suggest there was any kind of physical affair so I had to put it behind me.
So now back in February I randomly found a text on her phone again from a different man, again someone I knew but wasn't friends with, and the text was suggestive. There was no real response to it from my wife other than something non suggestive and just blowing off the text. I looked through the entire text thread and didn't see anything else other than a couple semi flirty texts from him. But again it set me off and I confronted her. She told me that it was an unsolicited text, nothing had ever happened between them and the whole song and dance, once again I wasn't buying it. I let her think I was just putting it behind us but I actually started a full blown investigation. I put a gps tracker on her car at times, I got into her phone without her knowing and went through everything, I planted VAR's in multiple locations throughout the house and in her car, I people follow her and drive by places she told me she was going, I kept logs of when she came home every night and if she had gone out somewhere after work I kept track of where she said she was and who she was with, I mean looking back at it now I became crazy, I even confronted the OM and basically got the same story that she told me.
But I really did become obsessed with trying to find one thing that suggested it was a physical affair, just one little thing. And through all of it, I found nothing. All I found was more and more proof that it was nothing more than just an unsolicited text. But for some reason I kept looking, and it got to the point that she knew 100% that I was watching every little move she made, but I could still find nothing, and it just pushed her further away from me and made her withdraw from our marriage even more. Yes I still pay close attention to things and if something happens or comes up about it I look into it but if I don't find anything I stop and leave it alone. I came to the realization that I was literally driving myself insane over an answer to a question that from what I can see doesn't exist.
So the question here is, when do you feel it's time to stop investigating a possible affair or a known affair that you've been told was over and have begun to reconcile?