Would you be offended if your partner took a vacation without you?

draconis · 10-29-2007, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doubt&Wonder

Not in the least, for after 21 years of marriage I personally could do with out hubby for a couple of days or even a full week...... it might even help the heart grow fonder and (btw) trip buddy must male only.

IMO - I think the length of time one has been together in the relationship has a lot to do with how one will feel if they were left alone by the other partner.

Has he or you ever done that? Taken a trip?

draconis

fire_vogel · 10-29-2007, 10:51 AM

hmm, i think i'd feel a bit hurt yeah... he's considering hols end of the year... and i'm just settling down in a new job, so can't take any leave. so yeah, it is kind of upsetting. but last night he said that he won't be doing it... i'm still trying to figure out if he's saying that just to make me feel better or if he realised that i was disappointed... i tried asking him, but he doesn't really want to talk about it. so am not pushing.

draconis · 10-29-2007, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fire_vogel

hmm, i think i'd feel a bit hurt yeah... he's considering hols end of the year... and i'm just settling down in a new job, so can't take any leave. so yeah, it is kind of upsetting. but last night he said that he won't be doing it... i'm still trying to figure out if he's saying that just to make me feel better or if he realised that i was disappointed... i tried asking him, but he doesn't really want to talk about it. so am not pushing.

Good for him, in time the both of you can look at taking a trip together. I have passed at chances because the wife couldn't go with me. I'd rather have my wife to share it with anyways.

draconis

evenow · 10-29-2007, 10:41 PM

Just a small update.

I broached the subject with my husband about taking the trip with friend. He seems like he'd grudgingly allow it, but I could tell he didn't like the idea at all.

Oh well. Kinda sad about that, but it's what I expected.

draconis · 10-29-2007, 11:32 PM

Well have fun and I hope you make it up to him before or after the trip. That is to let him know that you are thankful to him for respecting you like that even though he might not like the idea.

draconis

Doubt&Wonder · 10-30-2007, 12:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

Has he or you ever done that? Taken a trip?

draconis

I have done it on several occasions over the last 25 years...... and he has done it once, but then again I do not know if it really counts for him - for his trip was during one of the times I was away.

And then both of us have been gone for a week here and there due to deaths in family and with kids at home we could not always attend together..... therefore, he usually went for his side of the family and I went for my side of the family.

Doubt&Wonder · 10-30-2007, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fire_vogel

hmm, i think i'd feel a bit hurt yeah...
last night he said that he won't be doing it... i'm still trying to figure out if he's saying that just to make me feel better or if he realised that i was disappointed... i tried asking him, but he doesn't really want to talk about it.

Yes... I would say that he is saying it and not doing it because he can see that you are hurt and disappointed by it - but please think again about letting him go where ever it is he wants to go - for in the long run he might resent YOU for him not going on this trip...... for remember "he is staying home" because you are disappointed and for no other reason.

All marriages and couples need TIME away from each other in order to be truly HAPPY.

I say what I do out of 25 years experience of being with one MAN....... married 21.7 years to him.

oceanbreeze · 10-30-2007, 05:24 AM

i would feel offended because i'd feel left out. i havent really seen the world or anything. still a student that works part time. so if my fiance went w/o me which he has many times, it didnt really bother me since he was with family. but if he did with someone else that i didnt know or trust, then it's something we have to work through. once he went on a road trip with people i knew never to trust, but what i had to do most is trust him. one of the guys in his group slept with many prostitutes and i'm like wuhh?!?!?! and his cousin just flirted around. as my for my fiance, i trusted him and when he came back, he wasnt a changed a man, instead more disgusted at his company. that he decided to never go out on a trip with anyone other than his family or me. it was hard to let him go to that trip especially if he'd come under the influence of his companions, but i had to trust him that he'd be strong enough to follow his own morals, values, and boundaries.

evenow · 10-30-2007, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

Well have fun and I hope you make it up to him before or after the trip. That is to let him know that you are thankful to him for respecting you like that even though he might not like the idea.

draconis

I'll let him know I'm thankful, but I don't think I will go. It just doesn't seem worth it to do something he really doesn't want me to do.

Especially since there is more in my current situation and I think going on this trip would be disrespectful and unfair.

I still want to go, though.

fire_vogel · 10-30-2007, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doubt&Wonder

Yes... I would say that he is saying it and not doing it because he can see that you are hurt and disappointed by it - but please think again about letting him go where ever it is he wants to go - for in the long run he might resent YOU for him not going on this trip...... for remember "he is staying home" because you are disappointed and for no other reason.

All marriages and couples need TIME away from each other in order to be truly HAPPY.

I say what I do out of 25 years experience of being with one MAN....... married 21.7 years to him.

well, like i said in another post, i'm not overly possessive of my husband and do respect his right to do what it is he wants to do, but i also feel that there's a time to do everything and going on a trip alone on his side might not be the right time. like i said, we just got back together since a week only after 3 months of separation (due to visa issues, nothing more) and i think now is the time to start consolidating what we have and want to have.

@ evenow, i guess for the short term this might be a good decision in the sense that he'll be happy to know that you're not going with that friend for a trip... but in the long run, like Doubt&Wonder said, you have to watch for your feelings of resentment.

draconis · 10-30-2007, 02:10 PM

Well for letting him know that you are thankful for the possibility is great. I know if my wife had asked and I reluctantly agreed her showing that it meant something to her would influence future choices and how I felt.

draconis

miss.kitty · 10-30-2007, 11:51 PM

My husband plans on visiting some friends of his in NY in March. I don't mind, I just told him while he does that then I would like to visit family in my home state, just so I'm not bored and all alone while he is gone.

So, so I would not be offended.

draconis · 10-31-2007, 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miss.kitty

My husband plans on visiting some friends of his in NY in March. I don't mind, I just told him while he does that then I would like to visit family in my home state, just so I'm not bored and all alone while he is gone.

So, so I would not be offended.

Awww..that is a nice way to do it, you get to see your family while he is on a trip. Did both of you use to live in NY ? Or does he just have a few friends there?

draconis

miss.kitty · 10-31-2007, 02:56 AM

Our ex-roommates, which are good friends of his, moved to NY about a year ago.

draconis · 10-31-2007, 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miss.kitty

Our ex-roommates, which are good friends of his, moved to NY about a year ago.

Oh well I can see why he'd want to go. I am surprised you didn't want to go with him. It does show that you have a great deal of trust and respect for him.

draconis