Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles? - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 4Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 11:18 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
_anonymous_'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 204
Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

I have often complained of my wife's driving; it's a different style of driving than mine that seems very jerky and that often makes me sick to my stomach.

Interestingly enough, I was driving my wife this weekend, and she complained that my driving was making her sick! She actually requested I pull over so that she could drive. I complied, for her benefit.

When I reflect on this, I can remember complaining about my wife's driving throughout the marriage, and her complaining about my driving. We've never ever liked how each other drives, and perhaps just coincidentally, we have a ton of incompatibility in our relationship.

I'm curious if others on the forum have experienced something similar. Does your spouse's driving make you sick? What does he/she think of your driving? Do you believe that compatibility of driving styles says anything about broader compatibility in your relationship, or nothing at all?


Money is a great lubricant for social intercourse... Money is a terrible lubricant for sexual intercourse!
_anonymous_ is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 12:21 PM
Member
 
john117's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 11,591
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

Same car or different cars?

My wife hates my Mini Cooper...
john117 is offline  
post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 12:38 PM
Member
 
CharlieParker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: (n) a particular place or position.
Posts: 10,832
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

We have very different driving styles. Not sickening but we scare the crap out of each other. I'd say we are very compatible relationship wise.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
CharlieParker is offline  
 
post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 12:49 PM
Member
 
Rocky Mountain Yeti's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 249
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

My wife is very slow and steady, and yields to a fault. If a movement can't be made smoothly without sudden changes in speed or direction, it doesn't get made. if she needs to get over and there's a gap in front or a gap behind, she'll fall into the gap behind.

I am aggressive, make very quick decisive movements; I don't worry about smooth, only about getting the job done as efficiently as possible. I don't slow down much on twisting roads, I lean into them. Tires have traction. I know the timing of every light I may approach on a regular basis and will speed up well far away, well before the yellow appears, to make sure I can clear it before yellow/red. And yes, I can do all this without causing a problem for other drivers--I have a clean record and am as concerned with not disturbing others as with my own efficiency.

We are near polar opposites, just as we are in our level of aggressiveness in every other aspect of life and our level of gregariousness, and our levels of seriousness/lightheartedness. Perfectly complimentary in the ways we can be complimentary and yet perfectly alike in those areas most often problematic in marriages (how we handle money, child rearing, etc everything but a LD/HD disconnect).
Rocky Mountain Yeti is offline  
post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 12:49 PM
Member
 
Red Sonja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 745
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

I never comment on a person’s driving style, as a passenger, unless I see danger coming, e.g. an imminent collision. I don’t comment because I think it is rude, annoying and sometimes unsafe to be a “back seat driver”.

That said, my exH and I started out similar in driving styles … when we were younger we were both “Speed Racer” types … white-lining the freeways on motorcycles, speeding at 100+ mph on open roads, etc. After our daughter, I sold my motorcycles and started driving more safely … my daughter always said that I drive like a “grandma”. My exH continued driving as he always did, occasionally scaring the crap out of us with his risky choices on when to pass other cars on a bidirectional road.

Give back your heart to itself,
to the stranger who has loved you all your life,
whom you have ignored for another . . .
Red Sonja is online now  
post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 01:02 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
_anonymous_'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 204
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

Quote:
Originally Posted by john117 View Post
Same car or different cars?

My wife hates my Mini Cooper...
The question is independent of car. When I was making my wife sick this weekend, I was driving her Benz.

Money is a great lubricant for social intercourse... Money is a terrible lubricant for sexual intercourse!
_anonymous_ is offline  
post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 01:30 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 831
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

It's nice you pulled over. I would have just cracked the window open for her.
Bananapeel is offline  
post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 06:57 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 801
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

I did an experiment once, was a bad day in Holland Land and he was really ****ting me. We were on our way out and as he sailed past the turn off we were supposed to make I sat there and said nothing. He realised in a couple of km's and made a U turn while asking me why I didn't say anything. I told him he ****s me and he laughed his head off about the mistake he had made. We had a great night after that.

There was no point to this story but it does relate to driving.
MrsHolland is offline  
post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 07:33 PM
Member
 
john117's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 11,591
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

Quote:
Originally Posted by _anonymous_ View Post
The question is independent of car. When I was making my wife sick this weekend, I was driving her Benz.
It takes little effort to freak someone out in a mini 😇
john117 is offline  
post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 02:02 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 40
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

I can only drive a car. My husband can only ride a motorbike so we are at the mercy of each other.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

megamuppet is online now  
post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 09:40 AM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,234
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
My wife is very slow and steady, and yields to a fault. If a movement can't be made smoothly without sudden changes in speed or direction, it doesn't get made. if she needs to get over and there's a gap in front or a gap behind, she'll fall into the gap behind.

I am aggressive, make very quick decisive movements; I don't worry about smooth, only about getting the job done as efficiently as possible. I don't slow down much on twisting roads, I lean into them. Tires have traction. I know the timing of every light I may approach on a regular basis and will speed up well far away, well before the yellow appears, to make sure I can clear it before yellow/red. And yes, I can do all this without causing a problem for other drivers--I have a clean record and am as concerned with not disturbing others as with my own efficiency.

We are near polar opposites, just as we are in our level of aggressiveness in every other aspect of life and our level of gregariousness, and our levels of seriousness/lightheartedness. Perfectly complimentary in the ways we can be complimentary and yet perfectly alike in those areas most often problematic in marriages (how we handle money, child rearing, etc everything but a LD/HD disconnect).
This sounds very much like me (your wife) and Real Estate (you). When he is angry or upset about something, he drives even more aggressively. It's easy to evaluate his mood by the way he's driving, but it helps him blow off steam, too. Although I have had to say once or twice, hey, I need for you to slow down, because your driving is scaring me right now.

I think it would be reasonable to say that our driving styles do reflect our personalities somewhat. He's more of a risk-taker than I tend to be; I tend to be very consistent when he can be erratic at times. I take my time and am deliberate; he is interested in expediency.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is offline  
post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 05:52 PM
Member
 
Rubix Cubed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 307
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
My wife is very slow and steady, and yields to a fault. If a movement can't be made smoothly without sudden changes in speed or direction, it doesn't get made. if she needs to get over and there's a gap in front or a gap behind, she'll fall into the gap behind.

I am aggressive, make very quick decisive movements; I don't worry about smooth, only about getting the job done as efficiently as possible. I don't slow down much on twisting roads, I lean into them. Tires have traction. I know the timing of every light I may approach on a regular basis and will speed up well far away, well before the yellow appears, to make sure I can clear it before yellow/red. And yes, I can do all this without causing a problem for other drivers--I have a clean record and am as concerned with not disturbing others as with my own efficiency.

We are near polar opposites, just as we are in our level of aggressiveness in every other aspect of life and our level of gregariousness, and our levels of seriousness/lightheartedness. Perfectly complimentary in the ways we can be complimentary and yet perfectly alike in those areas most often problematic in marriages (how we handle money, child rearing, etc everything but a LD/HD disconnect).
Ditto (except for "everything but a LD/HD disconnect" got that too)
My solution was to let her drive. Takes longer but she's happy and I don't have to listen to a bunch of grief.
Rubix Cubed is offline  
post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 06:44 AM
Member
 
heartsbeating's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Batcave
Posts: 7,267
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

Quote:
Originally Posted by _anonymous_ View Post
I have often complained of my wife's driving
Babe, s'that you?

I kid.


Quote:
Originally Posted by _anonymous_ View Post
I'm curious if others on the forum have experienced something similar. Does your spouse's driving make you sick? What does he/she think of your driving? Do you believe that compatibility of driving styles says anything about broader compatibility in your relationship, or nothing at all?
Recently I arranged a surprise outing for my husband. I drove. Went down a side street. I was looking to google maps at intersection when he said 'Go, it's about to kick off.' I looked to him 'Eh?' He demanded 'GO!' Saw in rear view a group-fight breaking out. One guy fell to ground, was getting kicked. We called the cops. Despite his view of 'It'll be over before they get there'.

He then suggested I be more aware of my surroundings rather than focusing on the maps. Of course then I got lost, felt a bit stressed, and we got into a minor spat. Rah!

The surprise itself was great. Back in the car on the way home, every so often I noticed him checking traffic in side view. I reminded him that he doesn't tolerate when I tell him how to drive and suggested he cut it out. He said it was a fair point. Then we discussed our different driving styles. Although he'd say I'm a good driver, he sees my style of driving as cautious and not very assertive. He says I'm a more laid-back driver and it's amusing to him that I'll still arrive similar time, even though my style is more to 'cruise'. This can also test his patience. I'd say he's a good driver but his style is very assertive... which can take conscious effort for me not to feel anxious and grip the door. Granted, he's not careless or aggressive. Although he's more likely to verbalize rants, 'Go MOFO, GO!' ...if there's a cruiser like me in front of us.

Maybe we balance one another. Or drive one another batty. Is there a difference?

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley

Last edited by heartsbeating; 05-17-2017 at 06:50 AM.
heartsbeating is offline  
post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 10:44 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 173
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

Inside the car, it may seem like a balanced yin/yang issue. But oblivious, overcautious "cruisers" drive everyone else on the road batty as well.

They block freeway passing lanes, don't avail themselves of rare passing opportunities on two-lane roads, make other drivers miss lights they could have made, make difficult turns take even longer, and leave others guessing at 4-way stops & merges.

Assertive driving avoids all of these, and it need not be reckless or aggressive (which is another, more obvious & universally condemned way to annoy & endanger everyone).
Phil Anders is offline  
post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 11:00 AM
Member
 
jb02157's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,262
Re: Compatibility in relationships, based on driving styles?

In general, I find that women have a very tentative driving style that drives me absolutely mad. They generally drive way too slow for conditions, wait way too long for other cars to clear intersections and break too quickly over situations that don't even require braking. I think this style of driving is dangerous and causes accidents. Driving with a lack of aggressive and assertive decision making is just as dangerous as those who are over aggressive.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
jb02157 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is my constant need for reassurance driving him away? BlessedWithLove The Ladies' Lounge 26 06-13-2016 12:53 PM
Husband's nitpicking is driving me crazy CMD1978 Coping with Infidelity 69 05-06-2016 08:23 AM
Driving myself crazy! Danny Noonan General Relationship Discussion 64 04-18-2016 05:53 PM
Ex is driving me crazy. Butterfly6118 Going Through Divorce or Separation 13 02-10-2016 07:30 AM
Weird smell in my house is driving me insane SecondTime'Round The Social Spot 64 01-29-2016 07:35 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome