25th anniversary separate trip - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 554Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #76 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 08:06 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,138
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
As for Wom,he is doing what any normal man would do,he is feeling belittled by his wife and her passive aggressiveness is not a sign of someone afraid of her husband.He should tell her enjoy her trip and he will see her when they are back home.
Just saw this addition to your original post.

He may be doing what any *sensitive* man may do. Not all men, nor all people, are sensitive. Some men are just fine with wives doing what WOM's did.

WOM, if you do decide to take what your wife may perceive as a reactive measure to her original plan, just be aware that there may be consequences. Like often begets like, after all. Be ready to deal with those consequences.

Honestly, so much difficulty can be avoided with clear, direct communication. I hope you will pursue that more constructive route.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #77 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 08:14 AM
Member
 
Taxman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: The Frozen North
Posts: 320
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

My first response to my wife would be, "Thank you, so very much for respecting me and our marriage. I think I will go out on our 25th anniversary, with my new girlfriend, (insert name here). Enjoy Hawaii, and hopefully, your next husband will make it to 25 years, so that you can respect him just as much."

In short, I'd be absolutely livid. Dream vacation notwithstanding. She wants to go, tell her not to bother coming back.
Taxman is offline  
post #78 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:03 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,872
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
Just saw this addition to your original post.

He may be doing what any *sensitive* man may do. Not all men, nor all people, are sensitive. Some men are just fine with wives doing what WOM's did.

WOM, if you do decide to take what your wife may perceive as a reactive measure to her original plan, just be aware that there may be consequences. Like often begets like, after all. Be ready to deal with those consequences.

Honestly, so much difficulty can be avoided with clear, direct communication. I hope you will pursue that more constructive route.
I see you replaced the word normal with sensitive in my original post.I can remember you twice describing what a sensitive man was in your opinion and one description was a man who was sensitive to the feelings of others but does not take offence himself.Have you considered that the op is thinking about how this looks to his close and extended family and friends.That his wife wants to mark twenty five years of marriage by having a vacation with her girlfriend rather than celebrating with family.
Andy1001 is offline  
 
post #79 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:08 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
WorkingOnMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington State
Posts: 6,042
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

A few people have asked about why she sent a text. She had been talking with the friend trying to work out a date that would work over the last few weeks. My wife works for the school district and wanted to go during summer break. I was running our son's car to the mechanic to drop off which is a 2 hour round trip. She texted me the moment she found out the date. I guess the condo is in a rental pool when they're not using it. She followed up with a call 10 minutes later. Don't read too much into the texting. This is common for us. I don't think she thought it was a big deal.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
WorkingOnMe is offline  
post #80 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:37 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 35
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Sorry OP you didn't stand up for what you wanted so you don't get to be pissy about it. Yeah it sucks that she knew it was important to you and still wanted to go but she asked you if it was ok and you went along with it.

Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk
xxxSHxYZxxx is offline  
post #81 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:50 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,138
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
I see you replaced the word normal with sensitive in my original post.I can remember you twice describing what a sensitive man was in your opinion and one description was a man who was sensitive to the feelings of others but does not take offence himself.Have you considered that the op is thinking about how this looks to his close and extended family and friends.That his wife wants to mark twenty five years of marriage by having a vacation with her girlfriend rather than celebrating with family.
Because I think you think sensitive is normal. And for some men it might be. Not for others.

Why does what it look like to others matter?

What it *feels* like to OP and his wife is what matters, imo.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #82 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:50 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,138
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
A few people have asked about why she sent a text. She had been talking with the friend trying to work out a date that would work over the last few weeks. My wife works for the school district and wanted to go during summer break. I was running our son's car to the mechanic to drop off which is a 2 hour round trip. She texted me the moment she found out the date. I guess the condo is in a rental pool when they're not using it. She followed up with a call 10 minutes later. Don't read too much into the texting. This is common for us. I don't think she thought it was a big deal.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sounds very respectful and considerate.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #83 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:54 AM
Member
 
Nucking Futs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: In the attic sorting my toys.
Posts: 3,013
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
A few people have asked about why she sent a text. She had been talking with the friend trying to work out a date that would work over the last few weeks. My wife works for the school district and wanted to go during summer break. I was running our son's car to the mechanic to drop off which is a 2 hour round trip. She texted me the moment she found out the date. I guess the condo is in a rental pool when they're not using it. She followed up with a call 10 minutes later. Don't read too much into the texting. This is common for us. I don't think she thought it was a big deal.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
WOM, is it common for you to time shift special occasions, or do you normally celebrate on the day?

Weightlifters Standard Evidence Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prodigal View Post
Your marriage reminds me of a guy dragging a dead whale across the beach.
Nucking Futs is offline  
post #84 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 10:04 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,872
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
Because I think you think sensitive is normal. And for some men it might be. Not for others.

Why does what it look like to others matter?

What it *feels* like to OP and his wife is what matters, imo.
So are you saying to take the feelings of others into consideration is abnormal.Where does this coexist with your ideal man who inspires you,emphasises with you and "stands full present and unreactive to your emotional storms" .How can he inspire you without taking your feelings into consideration above his own.In the same way he is thinking about his extended family.In your opinion is a man being sensitive a positive or negative trait.
I know I am using your own quotes here but you seem to be contradicting yourself on this thread in comparison to others.

Last edited by Andy1001; 05-17-2017 at 10:12 AM.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #85 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:44 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,786
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
Uh, no.

You had 24 Anniversaries before this one. And you will have 24 Anniversaries after.

Celebrate, before her trip, as she suggested.

Let her know that you love her on all the other days of the year, not just on your Anniversary.
In the uk the 25th, silver, is a very important one. She can go away with her friend another time, there is only one 25th wedding anniversary.

Diana7 is online now  
post #86 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:52 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,138
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
So are you saying to take the feelings of others into consideration is abnormal.Where does this coexist with your ideal man who inspires you,emphasises with you and "stands full present and unreactive to your emotional storms" .How can he inspire you without taking your feelings into consideration above his own.In the same way he is thinking about his extended family.In your opinion is a man being sensitive a positive or negative trait.
I know I am using your own quotes here but you seem to be contradicting yourself on this thread in comparison to others.
Not sure I am following you.

How Dug and I celebrate our anniversary is pretty separate from anything to do with his extended family or mine.

Or do you mean that maybe they are planning a big party on their 25th, to include extended family and friends? WOM, could you clarify on this?

I guess I thought it was more a private celebration.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #87 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:14 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,872
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
In the uk the 25th, silver, is a very important one. She can go away with her friend another time, there is only one 25th wedding anniversary.
I agree.I have been at twenty fifth anniversary parties in the UK and Ireland and also with distant relatives here and there is always a huge celebration.The amount of times I crossed the Atlantic just for a party is unreal.In this day and age to stay married for twenty five years deserves to be celebrated.As you say she can go to Hawaii anytime,she has a silver wedding anniversary once.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #88 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:21 PM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,138
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
In the uk the 25th, silver, is a very important one. She can go away with her friend another time, there is only one 25th wedding anniversary.
It is not necessarily celebrated on the exact day, though, is it? I mean if you are having a big party with friends and extended family?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #89 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:24 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,872
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
Not sure I am following you.

How Dug and I celebrate our anniversary is pretty separate from anything to do with his extended family or mine.

Or do you mean that maybe they are planning a big party on their 25th, to include extended family and friends? WOM, could you clarify on this?

I guess I thought it was more a private celebration.
What I was trying to say was one one hand you seem to think the op should happily stand back and watch his wife go on vacation on their once in a lifetime silver wedding anniversary,in other words be sensitive to her needs,while at the same time you seem to be saying that sensitivity in a man is a negative trait.
By the way you seem to spend a lot of time away from Dug.That wouldn't suit me at all.I don't know how you managed on your own.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #90 of 226 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:27 PM
TBT
Member
 
TBT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,446
Re: 25th anniversary separate trip

You say her friend frequently travels to Hawaii,so why not make it for another time. Hawaii,I don't think,isn't going to disappear anytime soon,but your 25th is a one time milestone.

"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
TBT is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Anniversary Date confusednAlone Life After Divorce 17 09-28-2016 09:20 PM
Funeral trip for my STBX MIL sixty-eight Going Through Divorce or Separation 24 09-27-2016 09:41 AM
D-Day=Wedding Anniversary sodepressed Coping with Infidelity 8 05-21-2016 07:30 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome