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post #61 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 07:59 AM
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

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It is either something you prioritize or something you don't. Certainly a handful of people here are ok not being the priority in a relationship and that's ok.
We absolutely prioritize each other and the marriage but most anniversaries and birthdays are merely acknowledged. Ok, since our 20th we've tried to go out for dinner in the after glow, but if it didn't happen so be it. We are both like that, so no hurt feelings. But it doesn't mean we don't prioritize the relationship. ETA, not directed at you personally in any negative way.

On cake, we had wedding cake, absolutely inedible, yuck. We were told it was traditional English. But it looked really good.




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post #62 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:03 AM
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

It is heartening to see how 'some' of the posters on TAM have matured [to my eyes] over this year + that I have been on TAM.

Just don't expect me to follow zoot. Zoot suit.

Look it up, youngins!

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post #63 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:07 AM
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

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and Bubbly
I knew I liked you.

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post #64 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

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We absolutely prioritize each other and the marriage but most anniversaries and birthdays are merely acknowledged. Ok, since our 20th we've tried to go out for dinner in the after glow, but if it didn't happen so be it. We are both like that, so no hurt feelings. But it doesn't mean we don't prioritize the relationship. ETA, not directed at you personally in any negative way.

On cake, we had wedding cake, absolutely inedible, yuck. We were told it was traditional English. But it looked really good.
That would pretty much be an accurate reflection of my experience with English food.

No offense, Brits! Many other wonderful things about your country!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #65 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

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It is not about gifts in my world but about celebrating the great fortune to have such wonderful people in my life.
Totally agree.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #66 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:15 AM
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

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Originally Posted by CharlieParker View Post
We absolutely prioritize each other and the marriage but most anniversaries and birthdays are merely acknowledged. Ok, since our 20th we've tried to go out for dinner in the after glow, but if it didn't happen so be it. We are both like that, so no hurt feelings. But it doesn't mean we don't prioritize the relationship. ETA, not directed at you personally in any negative way.

On cake, we had wedding cake, absolutely inedible, yuck. We were told it was traditional English. But it looked really good.
Thank you. You said it better than I could. We absolutely put each other first. But we also acknowledge that life happens, and we cannot control every aspect, including every celebratory day. We are flexible, and make time for each other, whether on the day or a few days later/before. 😊

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post #67 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:17 AM
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

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Originally Posted by CharlieParker View Post
We absolutely prioritize each other and the marriage but most anniversaries and birthdays are merely acknowledged. Ok, since our 20th we've tried to go out for dinner in the after glow, but if it didn't happen so be it. We are both like that, so no hurt feelings. But it doesn't mean we don't prioritize the relationship. ETA, not directed at you personally in any negative way.

On cake, we had wedding cake, absolutely inedible, yuck. We were told it was traditional English. But it looked really good.
Again it isn't about the date or celebration. If it is important to your spouse, whatever IT is, and you don't care about it or that they care about it then yes I would say you don't prioritize the realtionship. If your spouse doesn't care about IT, whatever it is , and you don't care about it then you have no issue.

In the original scenario the OP did care about spending time with his spouse on their anniversary. She just didn't care about it and wanted to go somewhere with a friend. That was the problem, not the date
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post #68 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:30 AM
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

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That would pretty much be an accurate reflection of my experience with English food.

No offense, Brits! Many other wonderful things about your country!
Times have changed. We will have at least one night in London for our 25th anniversary trip (keeping it on topic ) and I'm really looking forward to the food. Leaning towards Fera at Claridge's but will read up some more.



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post #69 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

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Times have changed. We will have at least on night in London for our 25th anniversary trip (keeping it on topic ) and I'm really looking forward to the food. Leaning towards Fera at Claridge's but will read up some more.
When I'm in Britain, I always eat . . . Indian.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #70 of 70 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 01:39 PM
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Re: Being away on your anniversary

At our house the birthdays are all in December, well 4 out of 6. now that we are almost empty nested, and all of the other Decembers have moved out, I might get a birthday cake this year. Anniversary cake, well I'm not even bringing that one up. We have enough trouble sticking to our diets without leaving a cake around the house.

We believe in the old misquote that "people who live in glass houses should celebrate anniversaries in the basement." We really never invite the kids, friends, extended family. So there would be no one to eat all of that cake. And . . . .

There is only one cake I really like anymore. My daughter #2 's infamous Burnt cake. When she was in the learning how to cook stage, I brought home a box of Hershey's Special Dark Cocoa. It's getting hard to find now. Anyway she looked up a recipe and made a cake for her friends. They were a bit stunned when it was cut and one asked how she got it burned so evenly from top to bottom. (The cocoa made it BLACK) Since then it has been known everywhere it is presented as Burnt cake. It gets some unusual reactions every time. One time she made one for her church singles group. She labeled it "Burnt Cake". One of the girls came up to her to commiserate and said "It's OK, I can't cook either."

The event we are attending for Anniversary / eclipse is a family friendly event so I may bring my camp oven and make cookies this year. It is in Bear country, so every crumb will have to find an eater. Could be as close to an anniversary cake as we ever get.

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