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post #31 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 10:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

So now...with her stuff still being here...I have to speak to her. She lives in another town now. So face to face? Phone call? Text or e-mail?

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post #32 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 11:12 AM
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Re: No contact rule questions

Why don't you box/bag up all of her stuff, rent a small storage unit for a month, tell her where it is and how long she has to get it? Should make any interface with her less stressful for you (since she won't be going in and out of your home to do the packing).
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post #33 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

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Originally Posted by jlg07 View Post
Why don't you box/bag up all of her stuff, rent a small storage unit for a month, tell her where it is and how long she has to get it? Should make any interface with her less stressful for you (since she won't be going in and out of your home to do the packing).
It's a good idea if I could afford it and was able to move it all by myself. It is a lot of stuff. And some big stuff. Just something else I am thinking she has been using me for since she doesn't have room for it now and couldn't afford storage herself.

I'll have to deal with her until all is gone that she plans on taking.
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post #34 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 11:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

It's hard, too, because of the grandchild I mentioned before. Last time I saw him he came to me and hugged me. He knows me as pawpaw. If I do this, I will not see him anymore either. Do you all realize how hard that is to do?
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post #35 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:15 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

It's her you're wanting. Truth is, you should move on and replace what you have "lost". You aren't going to see the kid, anyway. She's GONE BRO. Neither she nor the "grandchild" are going to be in your life other than your ex using you while you allow her to and keep making excuses.

Everyone wants a family. IT's PAST TIME TO FIND YOURSELF A NEW, LOYAL FAMILY.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OVERDUE!!!!!

You keep having all these excuses, when really it's not your call, it's hers. And she made the decision a year ago or longer.
You MUST move on. You don't have a choice.
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post #36 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 03:58 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

No, it isn't just the grandchild. It's her stuff, it's the grandchild, it's love etc etc etc etc infinity. You are grasping at things to make it last. By the way, I realized why I stated dating.

Quote:
and she mentions some guy in town that she went to school with that has a body like that and that she bumps into him in town all the time.
When people you can meet or work with start being attractive and you feel comfortable enough to tell me these feelings I'm out.
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post #37 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:19 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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It was the first time when she mentioned it a few days ago.
And that makes a difference how?

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She still has to get her stuff out of here.

Thanks all. I guess I am just stupid when it comes to this stuff. Stupid and blind.[/COLOR][/B]
You tell her via email that she has 7 days to remove her things from your house or you will dispose of it. Done.
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post #38 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 10:57 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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It's a good idea if I could afford it and was able to move it all by myself. It is a lot of stuff. And some big stuff. Just something else I am thinking she has been using me for since she doesn't have room for it now and couldn't afford storage herself.

I'll have to deal with her until all is gone that she plans on taking.
Box/bag what you can.
The other stuff, give her a deadline for when it needs to be out, or you will donate it to a charity. The fact that SHE doesn't have room is (or should be) irrelevant to you. IF you pick a deadline, stick to that - and really DO donate it after that date.
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post #39 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 06:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

I have been working a lot. I wrote her an e-mail just now. Have not sent yet. Work tonight. Want to make sure I give it a little more time before I send it. Will do so tomorrow or later tonight. Want to give a little more time to make sure I said what I want to say and see if I need to change anything before I hit send.

Not easy and wanted to put a lot of thought into it. Not too much but enough to get the points across.

In fact, here is what I wrote. Too much? Not enough? Constructive criticisms are welcomed.

"This “friendship” thing is not the kind of relationship I want with you. It is not working for me. I have been holding on hoping that you would come back and give us another chance and I realize that you are not going to do that. The pain is still there and I cannot heal when I am trying to hold onto you. I have been fooling myself this whole time. You have moved on and it is time for me to let go and move on as well.
I need you to get whatever you want of yours out of my house by June 4th. I just ask that you don’t bring strangers to my house and don’t come while I am not here. I will help all I can. It has been over a year now that I have kept your stuff stored. After that, we can give eachother’s keys back.
This is hard on me. I love you and care about you. I have love and respect for your whole family. I wish you the best and I hope and pray that you find lasting happiness.
"
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post #40 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 08:13 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

Shorten and leave out the relationship info. She knows it's over. She knows she's using you. She knows how you feel about her, and has been milking you as a result.

My suggestion:

The locks have been changed. Come get your stuff by June 4th or I'm taking it to the dump or giving it away. Please acknowledge you understand, and once you have your stuff, please don't contact me again.


Then send her a certifi d letter stating that she needs to have her stuff gone by June 4th or you will dispose of it.

Your letter wreaks of neediness and last chancing.
Cut her loose and move on in the coldest way possible.

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post #41 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 08:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

Will shorten it and take out the relationship stuff.

Just a side note...I realize she has used me. But, when she chooses to do so, she is good to me. A lot of times when we've gone out, she has paid for everything. Especially when I was having money troubles. So there's that. I don't want anyone to think she has used me 100%. I get use of some of her stuff that is here. Doesn't make up for everything but I just wanted to point that out.
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post #42 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 08:37 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

@LostinMO I feel for you brother,because I know you're hurt and in pain. Maybe take a look at your situation from the perspective of unrequited love,because in my opinion it's basically what you're going through. There are a lot of good articles that may help you see things a bit better. Here's one... How to Handle the Pain of Unrequited Love

"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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post #43 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 06:19 AM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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Not too much but enough to get the points across.


"This “friendship” thing is not the kind of relationship I want with you. It is not working for me. You have moved on and it is time for me to let go and move on as well.

I'll need you to get whatever you want of yours out of my house by June 4th. I just ask that you don’t bring strangers to my house and don’t come while I am not here. I will facilitate as best I can.

It has been over a year now that I have kept your stuff stored. After that, we can give each other's keys back.

I wish you and your family the best.
"
Short, not antagonistic, yet direct. Then resolve yourself to stay on point, calm but not backing down from what you need.

Best

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.


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post #44 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 07:11 AM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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I was in no rush to get married. Just recently got divorced before we met. She is someone that I could have married. It was just too soon to hop into it right away. And then things started to change after the miscarriage.
OP,
I mean no offense by this but there are few examples more blatant that yours regarding an ex seeking "breadcrumbs" and being "friendzoned". You could be the poster child. You jumped into a relationship soon after divorce when you actually needed more time to find you and, much like a newborn, you "imprinted" on her. You indicated that it was too early to wed her but not too early to impregnate her?? I find this confusing.

Nonetheless, nothing in your posts suggest that you and she are now anything more than friends. You are helping her out by storing her stuff, having her over for Mother's day, she has even now become comfortable sharing her thoughts about other men with her "friend".

I realize that you have done all of this in the hope that she will return but that is highly unlikely. The moon is approximately 250,000 miles from the Earth. If the Earth represents her not coming back and the moon represents her returning to you and continuing your romantic relationship then your position is roughly 5 feet above the Earth, or approximately eye level, it is time to face it.

As to your letter it is acceptable albeit somewhat needy. However, as long as you make it clear that you do not wish to sustain merely a friendship with her then the objective is met. In all actuality it would not be a bad thing to have a friendship with her IF you could actually do that but you have far too many feelings for her for that to be possible. To attempt to be her friend you would be subjecting yourself to much more pain and anguish especially when she start to have romantic encounters and wants to "share" them with you. So, since you cannot overcome your feelings for her, then best to move on and let her find another friend.

Peace and long life
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post #45 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 07:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

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OP,
I mean no offense by this but there are few examples more blatant that yours regarding an ex seeking "breadcrumbs" and being "friendzoned". You could be the poster child. You jumped into a relationship soon after divorce when you actually needed more time to find you and, much like a newborn, you "imprinted" on her. You indicated that it was too early to wed her but not too early to impregnate her?? I find this confusing.

Nonetheless, nothing in your posts suggest that you and she are now anything more than friends. You are helping her out by storing her stuff, having her over for Mother's day, she has even now become comfortable sharing her thoughts about other men with her "friend".

I realize that you have done all of this in the hope that she will return but that is highly unlikely. The moon is approximately 250,000 miles from the Earth. If the Earth represents her not coming back and the moon represents her returning to you and continuing your romantic relationship then your position is roughly 5 feet above the Earth, or approximately eye level, it is time to face it.

As to your letter it is acceptable albeit somewhat needy. However, as long as you make it clear that you do not wish to sustain merely a friendship with her then the objective is met. In all actuality it would not be a bad thing to have a friendship with her IF you could actually do that but you have far too many feelings for her for that to be possible. To attempt to be her friend you would be subjecting yourself to much more pain and anguish especially when she start to have romantic encounters and wants to "share" them with you. So, since you cannot overcome your feelings for her, then best to move on and let her find another friend.
I have not explained everything in detail. We met. It was a great friendship.A couple of months before we became a couple. Not quite jumping in. Things were just right. As for impregnating her...she was going thru menopause. The dr said she could not get pregnant. We had sex frequently and never gave a thought to her getting pregnant. The miscarriage happened and we had no idea what it was until the dr did tests. Neither one of us knew she was pregnant.
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