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post #76 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 06:48 AM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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And I remember shortly after we became a couple...she said she would wind up pushing me away. And that is exactly what happened. Even after she told me that she truly believed that we were soul mates and that we were made for eachother. And that she would never leave. Yet, here we are.
You can tell what is true in someone's actions. Words not so much.

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post #77 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 08:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

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You can tell what is true in someone's actions. Words not so much.

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That's just it. She told me she would push me away years ago.

Anyway, thought about her all night at work. Maybe she wanted me to do this so she could finally get what she wanted. Me out of her life. Free to move on with less guilt. I don't know. Just some of the thoughts going thru my head. Like if there is any part of her that is sad about pushing me away. Or if she is just sad that she has to find a place for all of her crap now. Or if she is laughing at me and thinking it's about time I got fed up.

Also have thought that if she can push me away after telling me that we are soul mates...who won't she push away? Like, she won't ever find everlasting happiness. I don't know if I will either but I would never just come out and say that I am going to push it away eventually before it even begins.

*sigh* I'm tired and weary from all of this.
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post #78 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 11:48 AM
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Re: No contact rule questions

Yes, she did tell you that and she eventually did it. So, for once, her actions lined up with her words. It would have better for you -- less heartbreak -- if you had believed her when she said it.

Maybe she actually did believe you were soul mates -- and at some point stopped believing it -- or maybe she never believed it at all and just said it to bind you to her. Who knows. You can never truly be sure what someone else is thinking.

This is going to be a long process. You can't fast-forward through it. The more time you leave for thinking about her the more difficult it will be. When thoughts of her pop into your mind, imagine a big stop sign in your mind. Redirect your thoughts.
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post #79 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 04:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

She responded by text today. Said she'll try her best to have everything out by the 4th and will be over this weekend to pack stuff up.

I know people say to move on and things will get better. Still yet, I am pretty crushed right now. Have shed lots of tears and have some pretty dark thoughts. Life sucks.
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post #80 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 05:14 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

Allow yourself to mourn the end of the relationship, then commit to moving forward. Do not wallow in some long term pity party. Unlike the dreams of children, we know life isn't always fair.

Best

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.


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post #81 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 06:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

Have been reading about breaking up and letting go. Have read some of the link that was posted in this thread too. That has helped some. Lots of praying too. Reading and coming to this board reminds me that I am not alone and that does help as well.
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post #82 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 06:47 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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It's a good idea if I could afford it and was able to move it all by myself. It is a lot of stuff. And some big stuff. Just something else I am thinking she has been using me for since she doesn't have room for it now and couldn't afford storage herself.

I'll have to deal with her until all is gone that she plans on taking.
You have friends, don't you?

Pay for ONE month's rent at a rental - $50 tops - and call all your friends and say you're having a 'Moving On' party and you need their help moving your ex out of your house and you're buying the beer and pizza. $75 and you're done.

Stop making excuses.
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post #83 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 06:49 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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It's hard, too, because of the grandchild I mentioned before. Last time I saw him he came to me and hugged me. He knows me as pawpaw. If I do this, I will not see him anymore either. Do you all realize how hard that is to do?
What are you gonna do? Tie her and her grandkid up in your basement so you get to see them?

Come on.

SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU. You can't force her to stay in your life.
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post #84 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 06:52 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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That will take some time to read. I will get to it when I get a chance. Thanks.


Look, if you just don't like to read, you can get an audio version and just listen to it to and from work.

Please understand that there's a REASON we all want you to read it. Once you start reading it, you will be back here saying 'I can't believe they wrote this for ME! It's my life! I can't believe it! Now it all makes sense!'
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post #85 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 06:56 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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I have been working a lot. I wrote her an e-mail just now. Have not sent yet. Work tonight. Want to make sure I give it a little more time before I send it. Will do so tomorrow or later tonight. Want to give a little more time to make sure I said what I want to say and see if I need to change anything before I hit send.

Not easy and wanted to put a lot of thought into it. Not too much but enough to get the points across.

In fact, here is what I wrote. Too much? Not enough? Constructive criticisms are welcomed.

"This “friendship” thing is not the kind of relationship I want with you. It is not working for me. I have been holding on hoping that you would come back and give us another chance and I realize that you are not going to do that. The pain is still there and I cannot heal when I am trying to hold onto you. I have been fooling myself this whole time. You have moved on and it is time for me to let go and move on as well.
I need you to get whatever you want of yours out of my house by June 4th. I just ask that you don’t bring strangers to my house and don’t come while I am not here. I will help all I can. It has been over a year now that I have kept your stuff stored. After that, we can give eachother’s keys back.
This is hard on me. I love you and care about you. I have love and respect for your whole family. I wish you the best and I hope and pray that you find lasting happiness.
"
New version: "This has been going on way too long. I have changed the locks; throw yours away. Please come get your stuff Saturday. Whatever is here Sunday morning is going out on the street."

That's how you would write IF you had read NMMNG by now. And you'd be happy to do so.

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post #86 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 07:02 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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[B][COLOR="Red"] She was sweet and she was good. THEN it all started to change. Obviously I would be crazy to hang on to someone who uses me.
Lost, gently, she has proved to you who she is. She got bored and moved on to her next conquest. That is all. She's one of those people who lives life to the fullest and the man in her sights is AMAZED that a woman can be THIS wild and loving and out there so he becomes her cuckold...until she bores of him and moves on to her next guy to whom she'll shine all her amplitude on and bedazzle him.

You were just unlucky enough to be caught in her cross hairs. I know many women like her and just like some men take women out and expect sex in return for their money, some women USE men up and then move on.
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post #87 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 07:07 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

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It's been just over 24 hours. When do I start to feel better?
What have you done to MAKE yourself feel better? Are you exercising? Have you joined a sports team? Are you calling up your guy friends and hanging out with them? Are you volunteering somewhere? Are you seeing a therapist? Are you reading NMMNG yet?

I promise the book will help you feel better.


And this stuff doesn't just happen. You have to make CHOICES to start feeling better. It doesn't just come knocking at the door.
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post #88 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 08:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

turnera,
in response to your questions...

"You have friends, don't you?"
Not really. Besides, getting her stuff out is arranged.

"What have you done to MAKE yourself feel better?"
Reading. Riding my bicycle. Read advice in this thread. Work a lot so that's about it right now.

"Are you reading NMMNG yet?"
Yes, I started reading it.

Thank you for your comments.
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post #89 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 08:36 PM
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Re: No contact rule questions

Why don't you have any friends?
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post #90 of 108 (permalink) Old 05-23-2017, 09:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No contact rule questions

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Why don't you have any friends?
Not sure what to say here. I just don't.
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