Too lazy to look through all 4 pages so I will ask my question anyway.
I have always wondered why a man would get off by watching another man screw his wife. what is in it for you? Why don't you get jealous? Do you ever join in (no crossing swords of course). I am not being snide, I really want to know!!!!!
Fair question, i wish i knew!! If i did know, i guess i would know what my issue was? I suppose you can ask others why do they like being pee'd on, why do they like sleeping with animals, why do they enjoy transexuals, etc. Its a fetish i suppose. I really cant say where i picked it up, but it's been with me for as long as i can remember.
As to your situation, it sounds like you have ripped every little bit of self esteem and trust she had in you. After all this time, you are waking up, but she is still holding tons of regret and anger against you. Any woman would. Any man would.
I agree with you, but also have reason to believe in the last few years that trust has returned, even if slightly. I just wish my "fetish" would go away
Another question: it seemed you loved running around and doing your own thing knowing she would always be there. Are you just panicking because now the future may not be so clear? If she forgives you and you guys live on as a married couple, will you get bored? Are you sure the desire to cheat won't raise its ugly head again?
Very interesting. Id like to offer a quick answer, but would rather put some thought into this. Not so much for you (no offense), but because its a great question and id like an honest answer for myself.
You need to work on yourself before you can work with her. You need to find out WHY you did what you did.
I wish i knew the "why's". I honestly feel the best i can do is bury the monster, but im smart enough to realize that is only going to last so long. It needs to be dealt with, and im not sure how to deal with it, or even what im dealing with!!!
I am glad you had to guts to spill your story here.
Im just not sure where else to go, or if i should even go anywhere at all! I almost feel like if i bring it up for discussion, or mention id like some counseling, it will just bring it back to light. As of right now, with the exception of when im drunk and cant see/think straight, its dormant. I dont want this fully resurfacing and ruining any progress we have made, if any.