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post #136 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 06:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

Its' definitely him. strange that if he's going to pull this on women he gives his real name!

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post #137 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 06:45 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

Starting to think maybe his marriage sucked and ended because he's a *********....

I've seen too many men who are players crying about their crazy mean ex's and how they can't see their kids, etc, when the reality is the ex was only reacting to piss poor treatment ( cheating, lying, neglect, and more) and the player has been "too busy" to spend regular time with the kids.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #138 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 06:46 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

Aha! So now it's clear! You can figure out how old he really is if you find his CV online, based on his college graduation year. If he's so famous in his field, it means he is established, which, in turn, means he's no spring chicken.

Yes, consider this a lesson learned. Men who are strangers, their words don't mean much until they prove it with action and the time put in. You have to watch for both: words and actions and it all have to be genuine. Be weary of men who lay it on thick immediately.

Regarding the "rule" about the first sexual encounter with a partner, you don't tell men you have x rule or y rule. You just show. I never told men I have any kind of rule, but my demeanor was telling them whatever I had to say. With men, early on, the less said the better. You don't say "I only have sex in serious relationships" and then invite them to your house or go to theirs. I made this mistake in my early dating days and I was shocked that the guy jumped me and then got butthurt when I wasn't down for it. I didn't know. Always keep dates public.

It's also better to not go into too much personal "deep feelings" talk until later on. After you meet someone 3-4 times it's still too early for that kind of stuff. If a guy comes with that early, he either has some issues, so let him go, or he's trying to speed up the emotional connection beyond what's appropriate, so he can get to the connection below the belt faster.

You have to be careful, but yes, there are good men out there and it is true you just need one. When you find him, it'll all be worth it! I hated dating with my whole being, but it was really worth it and I'd do it again if I had to start over.

I hope you find love really soon!
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post #139 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 07:11 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

You could always report him to the medical authorities.


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post #140 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 08:01 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

He graduated medical school in 1999 according to his surgery bio - so I guess he told me the truth about his age. Geez, he looked OLD. Especially naked. Like a plucked chicken.

Anyhoo, What a ***** obviously.

I really hope I find love soon too - thanks all - not going to let it get me down. The internet is rife with these kinds of men and I will just get better at it over time.
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post #141 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 08:23 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

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Originally Posted by Colt_blue View Post

Regarding the "rule" about the first sexual encounter with a partner, you don't tell men you have x rule or y rule. You just show. I never told men I have any kind of rule, but my demeanor was telling them whatever I had to say. With men, early on, the less said the better. You don't say "I only have sex in serious relationships" and then invite them to your house or go to theirs. I made this mistake in my early dating days and I was shocked that the guy jumped me and then got butthurt when I wasn't down for it. I didn't know. Always keep dates public.

It's also better to not go into too much personal "deep feelings" talk until later on. After you meet someone 3-4 times it's still too early for that kind of stuff. If a guy comes with that early, he either has some issues, so let him go, or he's trying to speed up the emotional connection beyond what's appropriate, so he can get to the connection below the belt faster.

You have to be careful, but yes, there are good men out there and it is true you just need one. When you find him, it'll all be worth it! I hated dating with my whole being, but it was really worth it and I'd do it again if I had to start over.

I hope you find love really soon!
I've even seen discussions online on what to do if a guy asks to use your bathroom after taking you home.
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post #142 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 08:28 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

I don't understand the equivocation of the sex you had with this man with casual sex. Too me, casual sex involves no strings attached, meet and bang, wham-bam-thank you ma'am situation. In this case you had a series of dates and interchanges which lead up to the sex itself. Who knows? It may have just been a case of the reality of the event overwhelming the fantasy that lead to it. I am not shaming you or blaming you, but you are the one who is equating this with casual sex and being used and violated. Your choices lead to this taking place. You were not raped, you were not used. Heck the guy was a doctor, for all you know he had been paged while he was with you. Perhaps he is so dedicated to his career, that he felt conflicted about missing a page while being otherwise engaged, freaked out about and said no more!
Also, please don't fall into the "every time you have sex you are going to get an STD" mindset. The actual chances of getting an STD are less than that of getting in a car accident. I am not saying it can't happen, just that it is highly unlikely

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post #143 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 08:32 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

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You could always report him to the medical authorities.

For what? Going on a series of dates with a woman? Having sex with a woman? What is she going to report? Doctors aren't anybody special, why would you possibly suggest she waste the time of "medical authorities" by reporting a relationship that didn't pan out when they have real life actual cases of doctors and nurses actually killing people thru malpractice?

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post #144 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 08:37 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

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I don't understand the equivocation of the sex you had with this man with casual sex. Too me, casual sex involves no strings attached, meet and bang, wham-bam-thank you ma'am situation. In this case you had a series of dates and interchanges which lead up to the sex itself. Who knows? It may have just been a case of the reality of the event overwhelming the fantasy that lead to it. I am not shaming you or blaming you, but you are the one who is equating this with casual sex and being used and violated. Your choices lead to this taking place. You were not raped, you were not used. Heck the guy was a doctor, for all you know he had been paged while he was with you. Perhaps he is so dedicated to his career, that he felt conflicted about missing a page while being otherwise engaged, freaked out about and said no more!
Also, please don't fall into the "every time you have sex you are going to get an STD" mindset. The actual chances of getting an STD are less than that of getting in a car accident. I am not saying it can't happen, just that it is highly unlikely
The other thought to have here is, what if after the dinner he left immediately, early morning you know. @Sophia55, how would you have felt then?

The "use" of sex in a relationship is so all over the place, especially at beginning. Guys using women as beards. People dating someone to make another person jealous. Women wanting withhold sex to appear as a challenge ... and so on. You have to decide which side you would rather err on if you make a mistake about the timing of the first time.
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post #145 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 08:40 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

Wait, you're looking for a serious relationship on Tinder???


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post #146 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 09:18 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

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Wait, you're looking for a serious relationship on Tinder???


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I met my husband at a goth club/bar.

My dear friend met her H playing Yahoo spades or hearts.. can't remember which.

Two friends met their respective spouses on Adult Friend Finder.

One married online buddy met her H on a dog forum.

Another online buddy and his wife met on Craigslist.

Sometimes, love can be found in unlikely places.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #147 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 10:27 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

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He graduated medical school in 1999 according to his surgery bio - so I guess he told me the truth about his age. Geez, he looked OLD. Especially naked. Like a plucked chicken.

Anyhoo, What a ***** obviously.

I really hope I find love soon too - thanks all - not going to let it get me down. The internet is rife with these kinds of men and I will just get better at it over time.
Number one rule of dating as stated earlier.
No ****ing doctors!!!
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post #148 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 10:29 AM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

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He graduated medical school in 1999 according to his surgery bio - so I guess he told me the truth about his age. Geez, he looked OLD. Especially naked. Like a plucked chicken.

Anyhoo, What a ***** obviously.

I really hope I find love soon too - thanks all - not going to let it get me down. The internet is rife with these kinds of men and I will just get better at it over time.

Please don't tell us he has small equipment as well.
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post #149 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 12:06 PM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

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Wait, you're looking for a serious relationship on Tinder???


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OP has a very difficult time acknowledging to herself that she highly values sex with an attractive man.
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post #150 of 220 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 12:18 PM
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

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I've even seen discussions online on what to do if a guy asks to use your bathroom after taking you home.
So what do you do if a guy asks to use your bath room when he takes you home? Tell him to go down the street to the gas station?

Or tell him that your plumbing is all backed up and the floor is flooded? LOL

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