Disingenuous? As in...insincere?
Let me ask you something..if you had a daughter and she dated a man for a month, and he seemed like a great guy, got her flowers, did all the right things and treated her really well and then they had sex and he dumped her right after by text message saying he didn't want a relationship and she found him the next day with a dishonest profile lying about his age - would her being hurt be "disingenuous"?
I think it's honestly bizarre that some people think women should expect so little of men that lying / trickery to get sex under false pretences is fine. It's not fine. Sex is not a cup of coffee. That's the only person I slept with in a year, and now I have that memory forever and have to go and get tested for STDs.
Saying I somehow should have seen it coming because we met on Tinder is on the same lines of saying a woman in a short skirt deserves to get raped.
The truth is that sex is one of the most intimate and loving and personal acts that we can share with another person, and we have a right to know who we are sharing it with. It's a crime to lie about practically anything else - you can't falsely sell a car or even a bit of furniture, you can't change the terms you agreed on with an employee, you can't advertise anything unless it's truthful.
I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting a bit more from people. If my expectations were as low as yours I don't think I'd ever want to date again.
I know exactly and 100% how you feel. Don't try to explain it too much, there will be some people who will try to justify this type of behavior and/or blame you for it. You won't be able to convince them that this type of behavior is wrong in any way.
Yes, if that happened I'd be mad at myself. This is what I was afraid of more than anything else when I was dating.
In fact, the guy I had a short relationship with before I met my current FI (on match), duped me as well. Just to give you an example on how men can do a lot of things, and players can come in various disguises. So this one guy I dated, totally had a plan to date someone just for the summer. He dated me from May until September and he planned it that way all along. On the surface, he did all the right things so I shouldn't have been upset that I didn't see it coming. But in fact, he did a few things that were red flags that I chose to ignore. He told me he loved me after 1 month, he kept bringing up marriage (like a carrot), he slipped things like "ah, this is what summer is for " (making out with a woman on a picturesque trail-and other comments like that- e.g. I won't break your heart...yet hahaha- people tell you who they are in conversation, they let it slip) etc. But more importantly, this guy had never had a long term relationship in his 40s and jumped from job to job. So it was on me. I didn't feel too bad only because by the time he dumped me I had decided I didn't think he was a good match, but I would have ended it a bit later, I was at a point where I had that realization. And he couldn't get it up at all, so I thought no way I can live like that all of my life. Sex was exceptionally bad, if we could even call that sex. Also, at that time, I said, a fling like that is what I needed also, I was tired of the one and done dates. But the guy totally lied, future faked and all the stuff that comes with it. He wanted to finally settle down blah blah blah all the BS. He was disingenuous and a neutral observer would have seen it from miles away.
I suggest your read a few dating books: You lost him at hello by Jess McCann for example.