Without reading other replies (yet), my guess is that he's being honest, and just isn't ready.
You mentioned he discussed his previous marriage and still seemed upset and angry about it. That's all you need to know about that. 4th date, and he's talking angrily about his ex-wife. Ouch.
The other likelihood is that he is/was looking to have a pretty casual relationship - but doesn't quite know how to go about it. Hence the "dating". He got home that day, and realized that he was well on his way to an actual relationship.
I wouldn't say that he was only looking to get laid, but that's a possibility, too. And perhaps he thought he was going about it the 'right' way (without being a player or a dog) because that's the only way he knows how.
But when that happened, and he had a little time to reflect, he may have thought "oh ****, I've just started an actual relationship here".
Honestly, it sucks for you, but it is what it is. At the very least, it sounds like he treated you well, and you had a few good dates. I can see how you would feel taken advantage of or a little violated, but I don't get the impression that was his goal - just to bed you.
At the end of the day, consider it a blessing. I wouldn't want to date someone who was still vocally angry at their ex partner. That implies they still have feelings of some sort for them. I was angry at my ex wife for a long time, but I never once let it seep into my relationship with my now-wife. I never talked about her, discussed her in any way. She was a non-entity in my relationship.
I know women go through this kind of story a lot, but I like to think I am an intelligent woman (35) who runs a company and is a good judge of character (normally!). I get asked out a lot, but am really selective, trying to only choose men who seem compatible and also honest, kind and good people.
I met a man through online dating (41). We both have very busy careers and similar backgrounds / objectives so on paper this was a great match.
We talked for a couple of weeks over text / telephone and then had a brief coffee date to meet, which went very well. He said many, many times how beautiful I was and how much he liked things about me (my confidence, fun nature, sweetness).
We progressed to a second date lunch date, which went very well with the first kiss and hand holding and he seemed very much besotted and I began to warm to him because he seemed very humble, kind and honest.
We progressed to a third date, dinner this time, which went really wonderfully. Lots of kissing and talking and feeling warm and happy.
Throughout this time, I'd say he was very attentive, consistent, kind, gentlemanly and seemed to have a lovely and caring disposition.
The fourth date, which we had last week, was dinner at my place (all I could manage with my schedule that day) and he arrived with flowers and wine and we had a really great evening. We properly talked over that night, revealed a lot about ourselves and out past (he had a horrible marriage and he seemed to be very much still quite upset and angry about it) and I felt over that night we became really emotionally intimate.
We slept together that night, and I think he enjoyed the sex because we did it multiple times, and again multiple times in the morning. He stayed for most of the next day, and we talked a lot more, cuddled, kissed and it felt definitely like the start of a relationship.
Then he left and messaged me shortly afterwards to say he enjoyed the time he spent with me and thought the sex was amazing but he just could not "do" a relationship and he felt I deserved one.
I'm not sure what to think or feel about this, he definitely made out he was growing a relationship with me, so I am confused. if he didn't like me, why did he spend so much time on me, and if the sex was disappointing, why did he keep doing it?
I haven't been with a man for a year, due to being selective and wanting to meet someone right, and that night we had such a wonderful, close and intimate time and it felt very clear he was loving the time he was spending with me from his words and actions so I am very confused about why he suddenly doesn't want to see me again.
I also feel a bit violated! It makes me feel almost ill when I think this person had that intimacy with me (emotionally and physically) and he treated me like I was invisible afterwards.
Why does a man behave like this?