Getting tired of keeping it together by myself
I've been married 13 years and we have had our share of ups and downs. One problem is constant and that is my husband is a poor communicator. He has gotten better, he used to ignore me for days and refuse to engage in conversation at all when the topic is some kind of problem we were having. He still stonewalls, ignores, and is evasive. I try to be patient, knowing that talking about things is hard for him, and sometimes I wait 20 minutes before I ask "are you going to respond or are you done talking?" His usual response is "What do you want me to say?" That infuriates me to no end. Things go from bad to worse when I become so frustrated that I act like a child trying to get a parents attention. Even a negative response would indicate he is at least listening to me. Eventually, I end up giving up and the situation is never resolved and the resentment builds.
We have plenty of issues, most of which could easily be worked out if we could get the communication thing right. Last night our talk went from me stating that I need a night away from the house, the kids and the pets to him accusing me of trying to "guilt" him for playing golf 3 days a week. I don't give a **** if he plays golf! I just want a freaking break from cleaning up other people's messes, cat puke and the normal, everyday duties of being a mom and wife (which I love more than anything, but a night away would help). Also, yesterday, after my daughters choir concert I suggested we go get an appetizer. He didn't say yes or no, so I ask again. He says fine, he clearly didn't want to and he's being weird about it, so I say it's not big deal we can just go home. But no, he takes us somewhere and resents me for it.
Typically, my role in the marriage has been to be a good little housewife, take care of the kids, go along with whatever he wants, not express my needs. I'm not included in any important decisions regarding our finances or our home, he makes large purchases with out telling me and I'm not to question it. The last few years I have been demanding to be included when it's something important to me, but it's such a battle. If it weren't for me making time for the two of us happen, it would never happen. And because I am the last on a long list of priorities, I start to feel neglected sometimes. If I try to talk to him about this, he will accuse me of being needy and demanding. And sometimes I question if he's right. I'm so tired.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for her, just maybe some guidance. Thanks