General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I thought id ask and see what your thoughts on this subject would be.
My wife has alot of friends male and female and I have never had a problem with that.
Recently my wife met a lady while studing to be a nurse. This person makes my wife laugh and smile which is a great thing.
BUT, yes theres always a BUT.
I have over heard my wife talking to this lady who has been married for 28 years and has 5 children. She is a very attractive lady for 46. Ive seen a picture. This friend of my wifes talks to my wife about another man and not her husband.
She says that he makes her feel good, she cant what to see him etc and how she wants other men. She even said that she spent $70 on new panties for the occasion.
Now this lady is going out with this guy and then telling her husband that she will be with my wife.
She also said to my wife that I cant go back and I dont want to go back, and If she looses everything then let it be.
My wife goes out with this lady once a month for dinner and a couple of drinks (a girls night) but Im worried that she may lead my wife to no good. I dont want this lady to involve my wife in her lies.
Im afraid that she may lead my wife to stray as she makes it out its great.
My wife is very open with me and doesnt hide anything but with this lady she is very secretive and I dont like that. I have caught her lying to protect this lady. She said thats this guy was her friend ex from 28 years ago and they had to work out some issues, but I know its another man she has just met.
I have never had any problem with her other friends but there is something about this lady that makes my gut churn and gives me a bad vibe.
I dont like to judge people at all especialy the people I havent met, but when I get this feeling, Im normally right.
I havent met this lady yet, but I will be meeting her in a few weeks with her husband.
I think you should very very worried because this woman is going to be influencing your wife to try out her lifestyle. Already she is getting your wife to keep secrets for her and from you.
Any way you can find the poor husband and drop him an anonymous note? Might help get this toxic friend out your life.
You should also invite yourself along in these giros nights out. I have no problem with girls hanging out once in a while, however wives should not be going out on girls nights out with cheating skanks. Posted via Mobile Device
You got all those details by overhearing conversations?
Trust your gut, it's usually right, and if it's not she is still an active cheater.
I would not be comfortable sitting at a table with a man that I was supposed to lie to. If the question gets asked of you "so your wife and mine are going away for the weekend?" How will you answer?
I'd look him in the eye and say "No, your wife is cheating and expecting me and my wife to hide it from you". Since that would not be a good thing, I would choose to not be there in the first place. I'd also make it clear to my wife that a lie of that type damages everyone, not just the other husband.
Sounds like this woman is grooming your W to be a wingwoman. If your W is open with you-except about this friend-then she's probably already up to no good.
Aside from the "black widow" she is with, has she acted differently towards you recently? Has intimacy with your W slid off the map? Is she acting a little cooler towards you? Finding more fault with you lately?
Perhaps you may want to do a little detective work towards your W-start discreetly snooping phone records, text messages, e-mails...
I have already spoken to my wife about her covering up for her friend by not telling me the truth. I told her that I know shes up to no good. I wrote a letter to my wife explaining how I felt.
She had tears in her eyes and said she was sorry and that I had nothing to worry about. This was last week.
I over heard there conversation yesterday and my wifes friends children had said to their mum, who keeps ringing you and you seem to always get text messages, she turned around and said to her children to mind their own buisness and it doesnt concern them. Well I think it does concern her children.
I will keep quiet for a little while and not say to much and just listen to there conversation.
Which is not me, I havent listened in the past but with this lady I need to hear what she has to say.
I did hear her say to my wife how often will I let her out, and my wife said once a month. Her friend wasnt to pleased with the answer as she wanted it to be on a more regular base.
I dont stop my wife from going out at all, she is free to do as she pleases. ( within reason) lol
I will do a little more detective work and see what comes of this.
Here's what I see, based on personal experience...
Guys often don't go out to bars alone. So if her friend is chatting up a target, is your wife going to sit there and play solitaire? No, she's going to be talking to the guy's friend, or dancing with him, or whatever.
Second, you know have now idea if your wife really is out with her friend, or whether the both had a date that night, or if just your wife had a date and is using the friend for an excuse.
If I was you, and your wife insisted on this friendship, I think about insisting on open communication. No hiding phones for either of you, no deleted texts, passwords shared for Facebook and email. this is, of course, assuming you're not ok with an open relationship...
A bad influence on your wife. A bad person in general.
Ask your wife, "Do you enjoy associating with a known liar? Would you continue to be happy with me if you knew that I was lying to people?"
Tell her, "If this woman lies to her husband, how hard do you think it would be for her to lie to you?"
You have caught her lying to you (cover up) and that is definitely unacceptable.
This is not a good person and your wife needs to see this.
Being the devious person that I can be, I would get enough info to send her husband an anonymous tip on one of her "dates" and let the chips fall.
She is using your wife as an alibi when cheating on her husband. Won't be long until your wife is her partner in crime, wingwoman, and helping her pick up men on GNO. Then your wife will start picking up men to....
Tip off the friend's husband and this frienship will blow up. Do it.
You know becuase you posted here that this is a problem for your marriage. You know that this person will coerce your wife into cheating on you. You should decide you have no respect for people who associate with and enable low life cheaters. Be a person with values and stand up for your values. Force your wife to make a choice between her friend's value system and your value system.
Love your post and question. I've asked a similar question here before and got some blunt advice about my wife's long term toxic friend. I wonder what kind of advice and verbal support your wife gives this friend. Your wife probably even believes the supportive advice she is giving the friend. So, your wife must think this is all OK. I'll bet that going out with the friend makes your wife feel young and desirable; and I'll bet your wife gets a lot of excitement out of all of this. This toxic friend's actions are giving advice to your wife, remembering that 90% of communication is non-verbal. Good luck. Posted via Mobile Device
I have already spoken to my wife about her covering up for her friend by not telling me the truth. I told her that I know shes up to no good. I wrote a letter to my wife explaining how I felt.
She had tears in her eyes and said she was sorry and that I had nothing to worry about. This was last week.
I over heard there conversation yesterday and my wifes friends children had said to their mum, who keeps ringing you and you seem to always get text messages, she turned around and said to her children to mind their own buisness and it doesnt concern them. Well I think it does concern her children.
I will keep quiet for a little while and not say to much and just listen to there conversation.
Which is not me, I havent listened in the past but with this lady I need to hear what she has to say.
I did hear her say to my wife how often will I let her out, and my wife said once a month. Her friend wasnt to pleased with the answer as she wanted it to be on a more regular base.
I dont stop my wife from going out at all, she is free to do as she pleases. ( within reason) lol
I will do a little more detective work and see what comes of this.
wetsleeves,
your wife's friend is radioactive and you and your wife both need to get as far away from her as possible. we expect moral people to demonstrate that by having moral friends and this lady doesn't qualify. i'm willing to bet that if you were privy to more of your wife's communications with her friend, you would find yourself feeling more like me. that's what happened to me and that's why i share this with you
Is my wifes friend no good for her? 
