01-12-2012, 04:44 PM
Join Date: Jan 2012
| | advice needed-from the outside. Great relationship but issues with a move
Need advice. I have lived all over the country and seen different cultures, ways of life, lifestyles etc. for the past 20 years with my career. I decided to move back to my home state after 20 years, because my family is in my home state. I came back and after about 3 months I decided this place sucks. I can always visit my family but there are better opportunities out there for me. Since I have been all over the country and I have seen a lot of other cities, cultures, people and economies etc. I do not like this place at all and I wanted to move.
Well after 3 months of being here I was going to move and then it happened...
I met someone and we both fell in love with each other and me and my partner have been together for nearly 3 years now. We both love each other dearly, we have a great relationship, we are very compatible and love each other greatly. We have already decided to get married. My partner agrees with me this city we live in sucks but the reason she stays regardless is her family is here and she has a daughter that just had a baby and if we decided to move we would be far away from her family and far away from seeing her grand baby. We both agree this place sucks, she agrees there isn't many opportunities for her here. I have shown her other cities where I have lived in and my contacts, jobs, people I know etc. Everything is better in my opinion. Here is the problem.
I for the past 3 years have tried everything to stay here and not be "greedy" and one sided so to speak and just say "we have to move". So I have tried my best to further my career, my opportunities, and income level here but it just has not worked here for me where as I know most of the cities I have lived in the past it was a total no brainer I always was ahead on my career so to speak, my contacts, my income level, have many opportunities come my way, I had lots of friends and everything has always worked well for me. The problem is I feel really guilty asking my partner to move knowing she will be away from her daughter and her family. Her career and income level isn't that great so she has already stated that if she left it would most likely be better for her. She will move with me as she has said but she just worries about her family and her daughter. She also worries her parents are older and (not going to live forever) So I feel guilty that if we move and even though it will bring better opportunities and a better lifestyle our way and it turns out great, I will still feel bad as I made her move... (because if she wasn't with me then she would probably just of stayed where she is at). We have both agreed putting money away BEFORE we move that will never be touched what so ever and that money will be used for us to visit. I just worry and I don't want years later her holding it against me or have a grudge or "the move" hurt our relationship as I was the biggest reason she moved and if it wasn't for me she would of never done it. Again I value our relationship we have a great one indeed. I don't want to cause anything to ruin it and I do not want to be greedy nor one sided in this relationship. I feel like I am being greedy but at the same time I don't because I have actually stayed here for 3 years trying to make it work here and now it is done and I know it cannot work here. So what do I do to make it fair? As I already stated she is more than willing to move but I feel bad because I have said to her if you never met me you would never have any thoughts of moving... Any opinions would be greatly appreciated. Please and Thank You...