newlywedJ

My husband may be cheating or is thinking about cheating. I found that he has a profile on ash leyy maddison (i dont know why i it blocks out the actual spelling of it on here)...which is a dating site for married people to find affairs. I found out from email notifications in his other email account that he doesn't check often.

What should i do? I don't see much activity on there yet. He's gotten messages from a couple girls but I don't see him sending any out. It looks like it's a recent account. Maybe he could have just been curious about the site? But he entered his actual information like birthday, weight, height.

Should I wait to see if something does happen on there or confront him about it now? We have only been married a few months. He used to be sort of a play boy in his younger years...well has been with many women, couple one night stands, but says he's never cheated. People have said he's changed a lot (for the better) since he's met me and I really trusted him. We have been together for 3 years before we got married and I thought he's the most honest guy. Maybe I am wrong and have failed. What should I do?

Another thing...we are newlyweds and don't have sex as often as I think we should. It used to be 2-3 times a week when we were living apart. Now that we're married and living together, it's 2-3 times a month. Something must be wrong? He's also on the computer a lot playing video games but maybe it's not just video games. I couldn't find anything in his browsing history. Maybe he's gotten good at hiding most of the stuff now. I've caught him looking at hardcore porn long ago.

I don't know what to do. Should I wait to gather more evidence of his intent of cheating or confront him now about why he has a profile? Please help.

Almostrecovered

what the heck else would he doing on there if he wasn't planning on cheating?

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CandieGirl

You should ask him about it. Why wait until he actually cheats? Maybe this will be the one thing you do that will stop him from going ahead with it. And keep your eye on him...people don't go to places like AM because they're 'curious'. They go there to fish around for other scumbags to cheat with.

Jamison

Depends on what you want to do.If you want to wait and see what may or may not happen, then do not call him out on anything yet, lay low and see what happens. OR you can call him out on it now. Either way,the bottom line is, he must have been thinking about it to have signed up. So therefore its something that will need to be addressed. Also when I mean lay low and wait and see, I don't mean wait to something actually transpires, but you can get more of a feel to see what he is actually doing/going to do if you wait. Thats up to you though.

DanF

If he has a profile there, at the very least he is planning on cheating.

s.k

He was probably curious about the site or maybe he was/is planning to cheat either way i think you should confront him about it and let him know your feelings about the other stuff too. If he spends alot of time on the computer you need to be careful that he isnt talking to other women on there.

COguy

I think it would be a mistake to reveal your source of information right now.

Why don't you tell him you think something's up, he seems distant, bla bla bla. Try and get him to open up and commit to working on the marriage without revealing what you know.

That way, you can verify in the background that he's not still skeezing....

Also, it's keylogger time.

PBear

Before you confront him, think about installing a key logger on his computer, if you can. Almost guaranteed if you confront him with what you have know, he'll deny, blame shift, and try to brush it off as nothing.

Speaking as someone who used the adult dating sites to find an affair partner... It's a very slippery easy slope going from being curious about what's out there to meeting someone for sex. And it can happen very quickly, like in days. You need to stop it ASAP.

C
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Jellybeans

PBear's got good advice: get a keylogger. And also, today, print out what you found (keep it and then show it to him after you do a lil snooping).

I would seriously consider ending this marriage if he exhibits zero remorse or an unwillingness to own what he did and be remorseful/explain why he's doing that so early in the marriage.

OhGeesh

He might just be "playing around" I know it's hard for women to believe that, but it's more common than actually having a affair.

I know many guys who go on dating sites to just "see" what is out there. Regardless you should confront him and go from there or do a keylogger and wait and see.

Best of luck!!

Shaggy

Or you could sign up with fake info and drop him a note and see how or if he responds.

Honestly, there is no good explanation for him sighing up there other than to check out if he could cheat. It's only purpose is to enable cheating.
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SadSamIAm

I am going to be totally honest, so that you know it is possible your husband created this account and hasn't cheated.

When I read your post, I thought, I think I have looked at that site. So I went there just now. There was a link for 'lost' login information. I clicked that link and it came up with an email address I could put in. I entered an email address and I received an email giving me my sign in and my password.

I don't remember signing into the website, but I must have. Must have needed to sign up in order to browse the website.

I can vaguely remember going to the website. Probably after seeing one of their commercials on tv. I might have been looking to see if my wife had a profile on there. Or looking to see if there are any women from my community I recognize. Or just snooping.

I can honestly say I have never communicated with anyone on that website. No emails to or from anyone. I just looked around and forgot about it.

I have been married for 23 years and have never cheated on my wife.

newlywedJ

I know nothing about keyloggers. How/where can I get it? Can I install the keylogger secretly without him knowing? I am thinking about waiting to see if there's any further activity on his account since I can log in. I've also created a fake profile and messaged him but it looks like he would have to pay for credits in order to see the messages. But I don't understand why I get messages for free? I should lookout for when he actually logs in himself on the site but using my profile to see.

I think it's a very recent account and he hasn't done much yet because the past few days I've expressed how mad I am about him playing video games on the computer so much and how we dont have much intimate time together.

Also, he knew about the site long time ago and even mentioned to me about how wrong it is. I never guessed he would sign up for such a thing. Is it really just curiosity or he plans on doing something?

He also changed his passwords on his main email accounts recently because I recently confronted him about some messages from women from some site which appears to be spam. It was in his trash folder and was unread so I believed his case that it's simply just spam and he showed me how he had all these filters set to stop them. He's probably getting them from while back when he did visit dating sites before he met me.

At least I still have the password to his other email that he doesnt check much that he used to sign up for AM.

newlywedJ

SadSamIAm: I really hope that's the case. That he was just curious to see what kind of people use the site. But he didn't have to enter his actual information to sign up for it. But he has "Undecided" as his "Looking For" field which includes options: Short Term, Long Term, Whatever Excites Me, Anything Goes, Cyber Sex Chat.

BUT he also has his greeting message as "Shhhhhhh"

I am so upset and trying to keep cool while I decide what to do. I found this out earlier this week and it's so hard to hold it in.

Hope1964

My husband went on dating websites just to 'see what's out there' and ended up getting scammed for thousands of dollars while trying to screw someone behind my back. If he hasn't cheated, that was his ultimate intention. No one in a committed relationship has ANY reason to be 'checking out' dating sites.

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