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Is anyone here in a (mostly) HAPPY marriage?

5K views 47 replies 41 participants last post by  urf 
#1 ·
I understand TAM is a place to come to seek help, vent, etc. Lord knows I've moaned about my husband in a thread or two, BUT there doesn't seem to be many light or casual posts. The majority of them have a poster in serious distress and it's kind of scaring me to log on.

Does anyone else feel like this? I guess I'm just terrified that I'm getting advice from the scorned wife, the abandoned stay at home mother or the man who lost everything to a gold digger.

Even the Lounge seems to have posts that are very serious in nature.

Anyway, is anyone here in a (mostly) happy marriage? If so, tell me something about it, :).

As for me, for the most part, I'm pretty happy. My husband is pretty cool most of the time. Sometimes, I watch him and I genuinely feel lucky. He just seems so... Capable, :). We have some big changes on the horizon that i'm very excited for, but for now we're just kind of coasting. Saving and coasting. So nothing too exciting or dramatic going on for us.

What about you?
 
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#28 ·
I and my gal are doing awesome. 2nd for me (1st wife died in 2002) 1st marriage for my wife. Together 14 years now & married 11.

I came here looking for tools to manage the crazy thoughts from hitting 47; 50 now. (mid life crisis). Ultimately I choose to do the same thing I did when my wife died; do not blow up my life. I stick around for the knowledge and when I can toss my 2 cents into the pot.
 
#29 ·
What about you?
I (45) have been in a happy fun 2nd marriage with my wife (46, her 1st marriage) for 18 years, our wedding anniversary was almost 3 weeks ago. We have also been in a sexual relationship together (from our 3rd date) for close to 21 years. Plus despite having seperate addresses till marriage, we started living together at hers after around six months of being together. We also have two children (a boy and a girl)who are are 16 and 13 that are for the most part well behaved, apparently happy and are so far academically successful. With our youngest being an accomplished musician who is talented in visual arts, who has also represented her schools in sport, at zone and regional level.

Through our almost 21 years together we have weathered lots of things, yet our enjoyment of each other has remained pretty constant.

Within our first six months of dating we both survived a multi-casualty incident where a car ran down three people including my now wife ,which missed hitting me by no greater than the length of a thumb. My wife required plastic surgery to repair her face. She wears a small scar on her face as a reminder, had injured knees and partial memory loss just before and after being hit. The other older couple (my parents age) suffered spinal injuries, broken limbs and brain damage.

I almost died in our second year of marriage and spent around six months in and out of hospital as a consequence of it. A few years after that my wife was injured at work, which saw her spend six months off work. With lots of physiotherapy after they repaired her leg with bits of metal, which still sets off airport metal detectors.

Throughout our marriage, we have also lived at 9 different addresses, most of which have been within 5-12km (3-7mi) of the CBD of a major metropolis. Although two of those addresses were in an isolated rural community (less than 2000 people) on the edge of the outback which for two weeks was even more isolated when our town was completely cut off by floodwaters.

Plus until we were married I would be away for 4-6 weeks each year with the Army Reserve in Infantry. Then after we were married for the first five years I was away for several weeks through months at a time when I was doing part-time (Reserve) and full-time (Regular) service in Intelligence.

Exempting around 3 years my wife has always earned more than me and by that she is and has been for the most part the primary breadwinner. After leaving the Army, I was a SAHP for around three years following my wife's last maternity leave. Yet I got sick of that and went back to work. We both work full time and have seldom ever had more than a 10-15 minute drive/train or walk to work while we have been together, so get to spend a fair amount of time with each other.

Funnily enough when we both met at work and my wife asked me out on a date, neither of us were looking for a long term relationship with each other and weren't looking for marriage either. It was just meant to be lots of sex and some fun for a few weeks through possibly a few months. Yet after almost 21 years together as always (except for illness injury and work separation), we're still sharing lots of sex and fun which is why we remain together.

I also like the fact that my wife is fun, witty, blunt, clever, successful, pragmatic, a former 2nd wave Feminist activist. Attractive, taller than me, sexy, very sexual, has very few sexual limits, is kinky, is happy to do my kinks and wants me but doesn't need me. Plus it helps that we are both atheists and are for the most part on the same page with respect to social and moral views, parenting and discipline. While we also give primacy to our relationship before our children.

We also still date, flirt constantly, grope explicitly, have lots of frequent non-vanilla sex. Plus play silly games like my wife will often flash me while we're out, or poses for sexual photos of the same while we're out as well. For a time up till last year my wife and I also posted on a fetish website where we posted/shared some of our extremely sexually explicit photos with our faces not shown as well.

As it turns out the Sex In Marriage sub-forum is what brought me to TAM in the first place, not because of any relationship or sexual problems, just I'm into sex stuff. Yet I liked some of the discussions that were being had on TAM, so have remained to participate as a consequence of those discussions.

In my experience a great marriage is very easy.

If a marriage requires considerable interpersonal struggle and sacrifice in order for it to be maintained, the participants of that marriage are probably married to the wrong partners.
 
#30 ·
I'm happy with most aspects of my marriage, except about the sexless (twice this year) part. So the net sum is unhappy. Zero affection from my wife, we're just like good friends, room mates. Just waiting until my obligations as a father are done, then likely will be the end of it. Giving it that much time to improve. She knows it's an issue, but doesn't care because I put up with it...for now.
 
#32 ·
I sympathize, but I personally don't see your obligation as a father coming to an end prematurely just because you choose to actively pursue something happier in your life.

You will always be a father and you can fulfill any obligations in any respect. The "apart from your children" thing is hard, I get it. But kids prefer their parents to be happy, not miserable.
 
#40 ·
Happily married 17 years as of a couple weeks ago. We have had our ups and downs, of course, but the good has far outweighed the bad.

I came to TAM because of a specific problem, but have stayed so I can help others who may have the same/similar problem. I'm not here daily, however. And I did take a few months away at one point.

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#42 ·
I'm very happy in my marriage. We've been together almost 2.5 years and married for 8 months. This is my third marriage and his first. We have two kids, both his from previous relationships but they're just as much mine too. I came here for a specific problem that we're working on but it isn't one that's going to break our marriage.

I've been though two other marriages with a man who wouldn't work and then one who was abusive and couldn't hold a job. I always thought I was meant to be alone until I met this man. He's an amazing husband and father, has a steady job that he loves, and supports me in whatever I do. I work full time and go to school, pursuing my first of two masters degrees. I lost my job right before our wedding so we had to cut our budget drastically. We did and still had an amazing day in his parent's backyard with our friends and family. We have our moments and issues (including the drama from his kids mothers) but I've never been happier and wouldn't trade it for anything.


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#43 ·
Married 24 years. Our AS-NT relationship is complicated. Hard but worth it. Our pairing/partnership is so good that other couples often comment that we seem like the couple to emulate. Our kids (21 and 18) are off to a great start in their lives. We are doing good and feel very grateful.
 
#44 ·
I am in a very satisfying marriage.. I've always loved being married.... I owe this to my husband... my reason for landing here was a sex drive increase (insatiable was an understatement).. he couldn't keep up (thank God for Vitamin V) ...his attitude during that, how he handled me.. I couldn't ask for more, but this has always been my husband....it was like a Mid Life Honeymoon for us....reviving the passion...

During that phase... I was seeking a "Sex forum"...I ran into some that were far too liberal showing **** photos, rampant with casual sex talk... when I found TAM... I felt more at home...then basically got "hooked" like many of us do....always enjoyed forums anyway...... one can't help but notice the serious nature, the helping, the articulate "well thought out" responses to many here sharing.. this place has been a wealth of learning, where no matter our background.. there is a place for you...

We fight on occasion (I have always felt this is healthy)... it's always very stupid things where we end up having make up sex shortly after.. I sometimes feel like I don't belong here.. as I haven't experienced many of the things people are facing in their marriages... I am one who holds a candle for Marriage, in a day & age where many never want it, feel it's just a piece of paper / an archaic social construct ....this saddens me for our society, for our families...

On our 24th Anniversary.. I wrote out our story & shared it here... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...t-inspiration-he-who-taught-me-what-love.html
 
#45 ·
Yes, mostly happy. Married for 46 years to my sexually inhibited college sweetheart. Before we married she make all kinds of sexual promises to me that she tried to keep, but could not change herself enough to actually do. We have two lovely adult children. We came close to divorce a few times mostly because we emotionally withdrew from each other. With major change on my part, a great sex therapist, and a lot of effort by both of us, we were able to save our marriage. We are friend, partners in so much, share so many values and dreams, and now are lovers twice a week..

As David Schnarch says, Marriage (if done correctly) is the hardest thing two people can do.

It really is. It is not easy. It takes work each and every week to make a marriage last.
 
#46 ·
We have a happy marriage. We've been married 27 years and we are in love and still planning our futures together. We have had problems but fortunately we are both reflective and try to solve issues before they get too bad. There was a time when I couldn't have said we were in a happy marriage but the problem of communication was identified and though it took a couple of years we fell back in love.

I came to TAM because I fell for one of my wife's friends. My boundaries were too soft which helped place me in situations that set up an EA. But I knew I loved my wife and ended up on TAM learning about the dynamics of love, friendship and boundaries. I've been able to move on but I still read TAM though to help someone occasionally. I'm mostly a lurker now.

There are many people with good marriages. Forums like TAM are really a skewed population that does not represent the true distributions. I'm glad that this thread has uncovered those that have good marriages. Best thread in a LONG time.
 
#47 ·
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We are blessed. We have two amazing kids and manage to stay in love after all these years. These past five years with our kids older, we have been on our second honeymoon.

I am blessed because I have a h who is kind, gentle, caring and generous. I always say we are happy because of my H. I can be a grouch.

After the birth of our son because of some medical issues related to birthing for 3 years our marriage went thru a bit of a though time. Also raising two kids 1 year apart is hard and will test your marriage.

There was never any infidelity just lost of closeness and intimacy. Which we worked very hard at and because we both wanted each other.

All marriages go thru cycles or seasons. It's the natural way of things. You just have to be aware of where you at that particular point of your life. Always be kind and treat each other with respect. Always want what is the best for each other and your marriage.

And yes we still want to kill each other every now and then. Me more than him.

I came to TAM to learn more and be a better wife. There is always room for improvement.
 
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