I've/we've been practising this type of relationship for about 8 yrs. It only works if BOTH understand their roles. The "man" is in charge, period. What he says goes.
The wife (sub) must comply with her husand/partner at all times.
I can say this worked ONLY when my partner felt so guilty for not doing somethig.
Could it have been me as a Domme not doing my role properly? Or was it my sub who before getting punished would stand there and say "no".
Once the word 'no' comes out, you must stop or it can be construed as violence.
If I were you, I would check out some websites. You can pm me and I can give you the links.
READ & STUDY before taking on this type of relationship.
i have read up on it some.
i think as in anything else, you can go at different levels with it.
from implementing some of it to going to the extreme.
there are things i have read that i just couldnt do and wouldnt do.
i think it does have to be something that is agreed on by the partners and to what level it would be at.
There was someone else who had a thread or a post on this that I remember - maybe this summer or fall - because I went out to that site and looked around it then.
It seems that it can go from the mild to the very extreme. In the mild sense, that is the kind of relationship that my H and I have. In that, we follow more of a biblical or traditional 'head of household' concept. The H is the moral and spiritual leader, and he leads by example by being a man of character and integrity and one who you can therefore respect. We make large decisions together, and if we can't he gets the final say, but we have rarely had cases where we can't come to a decision together and he would have to decide. We also have areas of expertise, where he defers to my decisions in certain areas and others where I defer to his. In the sexual arena, we come to each other more as equals - at least in our understanding and commitment to it.
I admit that I cannot understand, nor could I live, the more extreme variations of this as I do not believe in 'controlling' nor 'coercion'. Coercion is defined as 'persuading (an unwilling person) to do something by using force or threats'. Whenever there's the word 'unwilling' in there I start to wonder whether it's really consensual. In the cases of true abuse, there are a lot of times where you have the abused staying in a situation with an abuser because they are conditioned to do so and therefore seem to be giving consent, and some of that extreme stuff in taken in hand really crosses a personal line for me (I see some of the domestic discipline stuff as more akin to abusive behavior) and I know that I couldn't live like that.
It is an EXTREMELY sexually charged relationship, and the man must be trustworthy and behave with integrity and truly value his wife for it to work.
Much like anything else, those stories on that site may be good for gaining an understanding, ESPECIALLY for a man stuck in a sexless relationship, even if he has no intention of entering in a TIH reltaionship.
But most TIH relationships evolve, just as any relationship will, into a much more natural and freeflowing style.
Disclamer:I do think the owner of that TIH site is negligent concerning some of the articles, particularly one titled something like a "Gift of Rape". I find that title terribly misleading and disrespectful to the many survivors of sexual asault that otherwise could benefit from learning about TIH. For what it's worth, the gist of the article was actually attempting to speak to the sexual charge in the female when experiencing male dominance in the CONTEXT of a ravishment FANTASY in a MARRIAGE relationship, however a far far far cry from the violent criminal degrading act that is actual rape.
Yes, TIH has many dynamics to it. My experience with it as a Domme were mostly pleasant. We drew up a list of things my spouse needed help with because she wouldn't do these things on her own.
We also discussed the types of punishment we both agreed on.
TIH is not all about sex. It is about bettering your relationship. It is about guidance.
But yes, there are some that go to the extreme and micro manages everything the spouse does. I don't agree with the people who go to the extreme side of TIH. If you have to manipulate someone to do something, are they really listening to you and doing it out of love for the betterment of the relationship? I don't think so. Nor do I believe in punishing someone to the extreme either.
As I said earlier, it did help my relationship for awhile. However, if your spouse chooses not to comply (even though you already agreed), there's not much you can do. Who ever is the sub has the most control because in the end, the sub decides if he/she trusts their partner 100% to hand over control of their life.
Wow! I have now just started learning about this Taken In Hand relationship thing. I'm very interested. Does anyone have any good website's or dating sites for ppl who only want these types of relationships?? I think I finally found what will work for me and feels most natural and primal for a woman. I love it so far from what Ive read. Women and Men are different and should be treated so. I would love to be submissive to my mate...since at my job..it's just not possible. I would really appreciate any info re: this subject both from men and women. Thank You.