General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I have posted here before.........talking about crushes and so forth.
I would like to know what everyone thinks about what constitutes an Emotional Affair? Our intimacy has been fabulous, but again, the young man that has a crush on my wife is still bothering me.
We took a firearms class yesterday in an effort to work towards our concealed carry license and this young man let my wife borrow one of his Dad's guns, smaller caliber. No big deal right? Well I found out this morning that she e-mailed him last night (without my knowledge) letting him know that she passed.
What could a 40 year old woman POSSIBLY get from a 17 year old that she is not getting from me? I am taking care of ALL of her needs (or so I thought) both sexually and emotionally. She is not acting withdrawn, we still talk often, etc., etc.
Anyone have any suggestions?? What should I do? This kid is a GOOD friend of my sons and I do not want to destroy that relationship by any means! I am a little on the pissed off side ride now and could use some feedback!!!!
I'm not familiar with the back story here so if I'm off base my apologies.
How did you find out about the email? Is your wife willing and forth coming with you seeing who she's communicating with and what's being said? Do the two of them communicate with any regularity?
To try to define what the signs of an EA are is kind of difficult to me and I had one. I'd say the biggest indicator is when a person starts doing/saying things that they do not want their spouse to know about but that's an inside perspective. From the outside I'd say that some of the biggest signals are volume of communication with the OM/OW, saying things like "they're just a friend" or "you're crazy." Of course if she becomes physically attached to her cell phone or if it suddenly turns up with a lock code, or her passwords suddenly change those are all sure fire signs of hiding something.
Hard to say for sure what you've got here. Have you talked about it with her and expressed your concern?
At first they are probably just friends and it may remain so. My wife got to know a young man similar to your situation. She was a merit badge counselor for someone who was 17 and for whatever reason he took a liking to her and at a party last year they spent a good portion of it talking about his first semester at college. I understand this because I too developed chatty relationships a few of my friends parents when I was in High School. One of my friends dads was into investing and so we used to talk about it and comment on some of the shows like Wall Street week and so on. In the case of my wife and the boy, I know he is like that with several adults both male and female so I am not concerned about it. But I keep tabs on it just the same.
Just because it is innocent now does not mean it will remain so. What you need to look for is any preoccupation your wife might have for him. Do they change topics or does the discussion halt when you get close when they are talking? Are they communication in anyway that is hidden from you too much. One email does not constitute an EA but if it becomes regular than it might. How does your wife respond when you talk about him? If she avoids a discussion about him or changes the topic then this is a red flag. It might indicate that she doesn’t want you to know the extent of her feelings. If all of a sudden the contact between them increases or you find your wife’s schedule changes a bit in such a way that she runs into him constantly then you have a big red flag. Does she start to do things that she wouldn’t do for one of her girlfriends?
Those are some of the things to look for which may or may not happen. Some people don’t know about EAs so it might also be useful to have a frank discussion about them with your wife establish what boundaries you both need to feel comfortable.
Without seeing the content of the email I couldn't say for sure, but based on what you've written, it's entirely possible your wife simply sent a thank you note out of courtesy.
I mean, if someone lent you something, wouldn't you send them a note saying thanks and letting him/her know how it that item helped, or how it was used?
Seems like common courtesy to do that.
Again, I haven't seen the whole note, but if it's just "Thanks for the gun. I passed the test," I don't see why you're obsessing over it. Posted via Mobile Device
I have posted here before.........talking about crushes and so forth.
I would like to know what everyone thinks about what constitutes an Emotional Affair? Our intimacy has been fabulous, but again, the young man that has a crush on my wife is still bothering me.
We took a firearms class yesterday in an effort to work towards our concealed carry license and this young man let my wife borrow one of his Dad's guns, smaller caliber. No big deal right? Well I found out this morning that she e-mailed him last night (without my knowledge) letting him know that she passed.
What could a 40 year old woman POSSIBLY get from a 17 year old that she is not getting from me? I am taking care of ALL of her needs (or so I thought) both sexually and emotionally. She is not acting withdrawn, we still talk often, etc., etc.
Anyone have any suggestions?? What should I do? This kid is a GOOD friend of my sons and I do not want to destroy that relationship by any means! I am a little on the pissed off side ride now and could use some feedback!!!!
It's hard to say without knowing what the email said.
There can be a number of reasons for a harmless email to someone who shares a similar interest (firearms). Without knowing what she wrote exactly in the email, I wouldn't condemn her for emailing him. It could be something harmless like "hey, guess what? I passed the test!" or "Thanks for letting me have you dad's gun. It helped me to pass the test" not "Do you want to get together later when my husband is away?"
It was difinately just a thank you email. He let her borrow the gun because she is small in stature and the gun that we got for her is a 9mm. She was a little concerned about shooting 50 rounds with the 9........ Posted via Mobile Device
It was difinately just a thank you email. He let her borrow the gun because she is small in stature and the gun that we got for her is a 9mm. She was a little concerned about shooting 50 rounds with the 9........ Posted via Mobile Device
Wow! She's not allowed to thank someone for allowing use of a family gun?
I don't see anything wrong here. She didn't send an inappropriate email. I wonder why you're so bothered by such an email. Sometimes reading relationship forums where discussions of EAs are common might make one hypervigilant. It's good to not trust someone blindly but overreacting is going to create problems where none exist. Posted via Mobile Device
Wow! She's not allowed to thank someone for allowing use of a family gun?
I don't see anything wrong here. She didn't send an inappropriate email. I wonder why you're so bothered by such an email. Sometimes reading relationship forums where discussions of EAs are common might make one hypervigilant. It's good to not trust someone blindly but overreacting is going to create problems where none exist. Posted via Mobile Device
I see your point............we have started a new hobby together (shooting) and she has really taken to it! Just so happens that my son's best friend enjoys it as well (lucky me). This friend spends a lot of time with our family and is well liked by all. That being said, I am still a little uncomfortable with the way he looks at my wife. We (wife and I) have had several conversations about my concerns and she always looks me in the eyes and says 'A 17 year old? Are you serious?'. Then she laughs at me for being paranoid. Maybe I am!!
I guess I am a little old fashioned. I don't think that things like this should be taking place. She has told me on numerous occasions over the last month or so that 'I should not WORRY about stuff that does not need to be worried about!!'. I have NO reason not to trust her at all.............just makes me uncomfortable.............
Um, for one thing, he has a gun your wife wanted to use.
Get her a new gun and she won't be borrowing anymore. Posted via Mobile Device
The gun that we got for her was a 9mm. The instructor at the course yesterday suggested using a 22.........it would make the shooting portion of the course much easier. And it did.
What are the signs of an EA 
