What does "not emotionally available" mean?
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Old 01-17-2012, 11:09 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default What does "not emotionally available" mean?

So I have been dating my ex-wife for the last 3 months and things are going very well, even better than when we were married partially because I/we had some big things to work out on our own. As of late we have been spending lots of time together and it has been great, we talk about the future, our kids, and can't wait to see each other or tell each other about things that happened in our days, however last night in a conversation about life and love she shared with me that she is not sure she is ready for a steady relationship and is still "emotionally unavailable". I have never pushed anything and believe that this is just one of those things that couples who have had troubles have to deal with creeping back into relationships, after all you can never delete the past you just hope to learn from it.

We both agree that this is the path we want and that I made mistakes when I was younger (didn't ask for help when I felt lost and confused and tried to solve things on my own which left her feeling alone and unappreciated). I have come to rest with most of my demons and asked her what "emotionally unavailable" meant and she was not sure. The conversation started because her friends have been riding her about what the hell is going on, some think its cute and others just shake their heads.

In my opinion I think that if you let the past control you, you will never grow as a person and this can cause you to relive the past and not be able to see things.

I know she is the one for me and even through the divorce have never been able to think of a future with anyone else not matter how long. She is the only one who has ever inspired me to be better than I am and does this on a daily basis with her attitude and drive, but this is just confusing me. So I ask you all:

What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable and is there anything I can do except to support her and give her the time she needs to get to the place she needs.
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Old 01-17-2012, 11:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: What does "not emotionally available" mean?

Be careful here; she may actually be telling you that she doesn't want a relationship/future with you. I've never known someone to actually say they are emotionally unavailable...
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Old 01-17-2012, 11:16 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: What does "not emotionally available" mean?

I thought that as well but she still wants to have me there to eat dinner as much as possible and to hold her and even spend the night.
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