How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 11:05 PM Thread Starter
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How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

And if you learned that a group of people had urged him to do it, how would you feel about those people?

Just wondering.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #2 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 11:09 PM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

I'd want to know if he was my real dad too!

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post #3 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 11:18 PM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

Shaken. I would want answers.
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post #4 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 11:22 PM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

I would have been upset, and needed a lot answers from my mom!

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post #5 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 11:22 PM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

That's a loaded question that is vaguely put. If this is something that he did when you were a child and you found out about it as an adult then you should be able to accept that your father is just another flawed human being as any other. If this shakes a sense of idolization in your father then I'd be looking at my own emotional maturity and wonder if I really needed validation from such a person.
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post #6 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 11:48 PM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

He's been dead for some time as has my mother.

I only put the pieces together long after, but I think its likely that my mother cheated on him. I was very young, so my concepts of dates is confused, but she may even have gotten pregnant and had an abortion. (I found out about the abortion separately, but is was very vaguely the same time). Its rather muddled with some other very confused early memories.

I don't blame her when I consider how he behaved. I don't really blame him when I consider how she behaved. Their marriage was a classic example of serious life-long incompatibility and misery - with blame shared by both.

I think I'm his, but I don't know for sure, and don't particularly care.
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post #7 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 12:55 AM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

My mom beat me and my dad is an alcoholic who loved his beer more than me. And he continued to show me that through the entirety of my life.

Now I do not hate either one of them--in fact my mom and I have a civil-ish relationship and we don't poke each other. But if I were to find out my dad was prodded into a DNA test I would feel like that is par for the course. All I'm saying is that life was FAR from perfect. I know for a fact he cheated on my mom. So if he had some reason to believe she cheated--even if the reason was internet strangers--what would I care? I can say it wouldn't draw us CLOSER...but at this point it wouldn't make any difference, and it DEFINITELY would not change me or define me. So honestly? What would I care?


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post #8 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 12:57 AM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

This question makes me think of a baby right now, Emmy.

Her mother is a friend of my step daughter's from high school. She's about 27 now. She's married with a 4 year old son and a 6 month old baby.

But her husband left her about a year ago and moved across the state to live with the woman he's been having a long term affair with.

He has denied that Emmy is his. Apparently his affair partner, who also had a baby girl in the same time frame, is all over facebook saying the Emmy is not his kid.

Well, the DNA test came back... Emmy is his kid. He refuses to acknowledge this. His affair partner is still spreading lies on facebook.

When he picks up his on one every month (that's all the time he asks for--he is the one who moved several hours away), he completely ignores his daughter, Emmy. He won't look at her. Has never held her. He is still denying her existence.

So I wonder how Emmy is going to feel about her father and the DNA test fiasco. My bet is that she's going to grow up pretty hurt by all this.

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post #9 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 01:15 AM
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Cool Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

Personally, I wouldn't have given two hoots in hell!

But my mother, bless her heart, is a completely different story ~ had she found out, she would have fastidiously given dear ol' Dad some DNA alright ~

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post #10 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 01:20 AM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
And if you learned that a group of people had urged him to do it, how would you feel about those people?

Just wondering.
Not fussed, how would you feel?

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post #11 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 02:05 AM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
And if you learned that a group of people had urged him to do it, how would you feel about those people?

Just wondering.
I did a DNA test on my daughter when my gf was pregnant.This was because my girlfriend insisted on it,I had no doubts whatsoever.A few people on tam told me do it too.When I got the email from the lab that carried out the test I was happier than I ever had been in my life.
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post #12 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 03:20 AM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

I'd think it was perfectly reasonable. A woman knows the baby is hers. A man does not.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #13 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 05:00 AM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

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I'd think it was perfectly reasonable. A woman knows the baby is hers. A man does not.
Not always. There was a case on the Jeremy Kyle Show where the woman knew the baby had been fathered by her partner.

Only she was wrong.


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post #14 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 05:53 AM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

I don't see how it would matter w.r.t. my father, but I would wonder why my mother came under such widespread suspicion of cheating that everyone thought this was necessary. Depending on the results, I would want to know who my biological father might be.

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post #15 of 460 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 07:59 AM
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Re: How would you feel if you found out your father did a DNA test on you?

I would think he was insane, there is no doubt he is my dad and I am his "golden girl".
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