It seems that when a wife is feeling neglected in her marriage, there are differing schools of though on how she can get back the affection, attention, time, and companionship she is missing from her husband.
In His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Harley talks about how complaints are an opportunity in marriage to learn what we can do better to meet our spouse's needs. He says that lovebusters like independent behavior, selfish demands, and criticism destroy the love we have for our spouses and should be addressed head-on. He is a licensed clinical psych with over 30 years experience in saving marriages. He says that MC has a very low success rate, around 17%.
Laura Doyle, a marriage coach, says in her bestselling book The Empowered Wife, that wives can inspire their husbands to meet their needs by focusing entirely on themselves. She has a list of 6 intimacy skills that when a woman practices, she says can singlehandedly turn around almost any situation in marriage (except serial cheating and addiction). Her point is that once we stop trying to control our spouse, even if they are doing things that bother us or hurt us, and start giving them respect, which is like oxygen to men, husbands respond much better to their wives and will strive to do what they can to make their wives happy, including choose to give them their time, affection, attention, and companionship, as well as meet other needs.
She also says that MC is unhelpful in saving marriages and that many cause more damage to the marriage than help.
Here's an article that goes into a bit more detail on her approach:
It's the Intimacy, Stupid: 6 Steps for Women to Stamp Out Divorce | HuffPost
So what do you think? If your wife is feeling neglected and/or unhappy, do you want her to complain so you know? Or do you agree that if she changes her perspective and behavior, it will go a long way in changing your reaction to her? What are the top ways your wife can show her respect for you? Do you think MC is disrespectful to you, by making you hear all of the things your wife thinks you are doing wrong?
In His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Harley talks about how complaints are an opportunity in marriage to learn what we can do better to meet our spouse's needs. He says that lovebusters like independent behavior, selfish demands, and criticism destroy the love we have for our spouses and should be addressed head-on. He is a licensed clinical psych with over 30 years experience in saving marriages. He says that MC has a very low success rate, around 17%.
Laura Doyle, a marriage coach, says in her bestselling book The Empowered Wife, that wives can inspire their husbands to meet their needs by focusing entirely on themselves. She has a list of 6 intimacy skills that when a woman practices, she says can singlehandedly turn around almost any situation in marriage (except serial cheating and addiction). Her point is that once we stop trying to control our spouse, even if they are doing things that bother us or hurt us, and start giving them respect, which is like oxygen to men, husbands respond much better to their wives and will strive to do what they can to make their wives happy, including choose to give them their time, affection, attention, and companionship, as well as meet other needs.
She also says that MC is unhelpful in saving marriages and that many cause more damage to the marriage than help.
Here's an article that goes into a bit more detail on her approach:
It's the Intimacy, Stupid: 6 Steps for Women to Stamp Out Divorce | HuffPost
So what do you think? If your wife is feeling neglected and/or unhappy, do you want her to complain so you know? Or do you agree that if she changes her perspective and behavior, it will go a long way in changing your reaction to her? What are the top ways your wife can show her respect for you? Do you think MC is disrespectful to you, by making you hear all of the things your wife thinks you are doing wrong?