Is it or Isn't it? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2017, 03:38 PM Thread Starter
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Question Is it or Isn't it?

Hello Boards, and fellow Forumers!

So is it considered cheating if a man talks to other women but fails to tell or hides the fact from his spouse?

No Sexy

No filtering

No Dinner dates

No coffee

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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2017, 03:57 PM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

I imagine it depends on context. I talk to women all the time as part of my job, and with those I've gotten to know we'll shoot the **** a bit after taking care of business. Or maybe I'll take a break and stand out in the hallway with a female colleague talking about whatever or simply joking around. Chances are I'm not telling my wife about it, and chances are she'd get kind of bored if I did.

What kind of context are you talking about?
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2017, 04:09 PM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

There is a difference between inappropriate and cheating. Getting lunch with a single co-worker may be inappropriate, but it isn't cheating. Cheating involves intent. Whether the intent is sex or an emotional connection, there has to be reason besides friends to be there.

That being said, talking to other women for various reasons isn't inappropriate. Talking about life with them isn't inappropriate. Intentionally hiding it from your spouse because you are afraid of the consequences is inappropriate.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2017, 04:17 PM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

Define talks to. Giving directions to a female stranger? Talking about the donuts in the break room with a female coworker? Discussing footwear preferences with a shoe store clerk? Confused.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2017, 04:19 PM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

R1,

Does he lie when asked when you know the truth, or does he just lie by omission?

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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2017, 10:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

So its small talk, just about work nothing sexual. GTDad and more that scenario, BS talk...
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2017, 11:13 PM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

I do that every single day. The majority of my coworkers are female, so I don't really have a choice. My wife shoots the **** with men at her office every day as well.

Why the need to hide it? What's going on at home?

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2017, 11:29 PM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

I have gone to lunch with female co-workers just as I go to lunch with male co-workers. I generally don't mention either to my wife, nor do I hide either. I consider both to be appropriate as long as the conversations at lunch are appropriate.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 04:36 AM
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 05:39 AM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by R1-Ronin View Post
Hello Boards, and fellow Forumers!

So is it considered cheating if a man talks to other women but fails to tell or hides the fact from his spouse?

No Sexy

No filtering

No Dinner dates

No coffee
Who are the women?

at work, in the bar, in the restaurant, online?

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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 07:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

Work, and usually work related.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 08:06 AM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

No.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 08:10 AM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by R1-Ronin View Post
Hello Boards, and fellow Forumers!

So is it considered cheating if a man talks to other women but fails to tell or hides the fact from his spouse?

No Sexy

No filtering

No Dinner dates

No coffee
Not in my book. It is talking or having a conversation. But for me, I always talk with my W and part of our conversations start with, "I spoke with so and so...." We go from there. If I do not say I spoke to so and so about nothing in particular it is not cheating. It was a conversation not worth discussing with my W.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 09:11 AM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

What they don't know won't hurt them especially if it's innocent.. I have been to lunch with male co-workers and don't feel guilty or the need to tell my spouse. I have chatted with other males as well and I never felt what I was doing was wrong. As for spouse I wouldn't be bothered by it as long as it doesn't cut into family time.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 03:28 PM
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Re: Is it or Isn't it?

Let's answer the first question of if it is cheating? No.

Is it disrespectful to not tell you and lie about it? Yes.

Is it worth ending a marriage over? Not unless the lying is about everything. Even then the marriage would not end because of sexual cheating.

Good luck.
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