The Little Lies - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 08:14 PM Thread Starter
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The Little Lies

Every marriage has the little lies I assume because no one is perfect. I just don't understand why lies have to continue. It's like I can't receive the truth anymore. My husband tells stories to make himself look good I guess but why? I know more about him through his family than him. I just don't understand why he has to lie about so much! I have been very frustrated for the past 3 days because our home keys have gone missing and I know that I left mines at home because I was the only one going to work that day. I left them on the bed and I usually come home to put them on the key ring. So all of a sudden I can take find my keys. He lost his keys as well but I find out from the neighbor in our apartment building that he left his keys on the porch. So for 3 days he has been lying about the keys having to be somewhere in the home. I have his set and still mines are just nowhere to be found. It's so exhausting having to be the only responsible one it seems. I feel that once he lost his keys he found mine and then lost those as well. Why won't he just tell me? It's not like I'm going to divorce him for it! I just wanted to rant guys thanks so much I would love to hear from you guys.

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 08:37 PM
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Re: The Little Lies

How old are the two of you?

Does his family say that he lies? What's his history about this with his family?

Do a google search on "Pathological liars" and "compulsive liars"

This is a mental health disorder. Here is a link to get started with learning about why some people do this.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...ological-liar/

Why do you leave your keys at home when you go to work. Don't you need them to get into your apartment when you get home after work?

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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 12:29 AM
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Re: The Little Lies

When he tells you he's screwed up in some way, what is your reaction?
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 08:00 AM Thread Starter
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How old are the two of you?

Does his family say that he lies? What's his history about this with his family?

Do a google search on "Pathological liars" and "compulsive liars"

This is a mental health disorder. Here is a link to get started with learning about why some people do this.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...ological-liar/

Why do you leave your keys at home when you go to work. Don't you need them to get into your apartment when you get home after work?

Well I see what you mean about the disorder but most of the signs aren't there I guess but I will look further into it. And that was the only time I left my keys because I knew my husband would be home and he didn't have to work so I just left them. Never again I tell ya. I just hope that we start to become more open and not afraid to tell each other things I'm no angel I would tell him I'm busy at work when I simply don't want to text only because I know his feelings would get hurt. But I'm praying things become better.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 09:22 AM
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Re: The Little Lies

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Every marriage has the little lies I assume because no one is perfect.
True ... none of us are perfect.. but who ever said we have to be....in fact.. perfect would probably be boring...uneventful... or we'd feel we had to live up to some angelic way of being... who wants that... too much pressure!! and what would you have to laugh about !??

We are all flawed , we have quirks... we may do something stupid, say something stupid in a moment, embarrass ourselves, loose our keys for the 3rd time (using your situation)... I think by being honest with our spouses.. it helps us be more accountable ...sometimes I wonder if some just don't want to be accountable.. it's easier to cover up...tell a story...

People don't like to look bad.. when you have opened up fully vulnerable with your partner.. and find acceptance.. these things become less of an issue...

I couldn't be with someone who lies.. I'd call them out.. I've done this to a guy friend of ours.. I lost respect for him, always telling stupid stories to make himself look good.... Being married to someone who did this would be terribly frustrating.. things NEED to add up, Trust is important !! If they can so easily fib with little things.. where is the divider line on the bigger things down the road...do they even have a LINE drawn in the sand...


Did a thread on the various forms of lying yrs ago here... to be real is to be authentic..it's just more respectable.. how would anyone know who we are -if we are putting on a mask - just to make ourselves look good...

Lies Lies Lies ~ Why People Lie ~ how much is acceptable to you ?


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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 12:53 PM
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Re: The Little Lies

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Originally Posted by youngnmarried16 View Post
Every marriage has the little lies I assume because no one is perfect. I just don't understand why lies have to continue. It's like I can't receive the truth anymore. My husband tells stories to make himself look good I guess but why? I know more about him through his family than him. I just don't understand why he has to lie about so much! I have been very frustrated for the past 3 days because our home keys have gone missing and I know that I left mines at home because I was the only one going to work that day. I left them on the bed and I usually come home to put them on the key ring. So all of a sudden I can take find my keys. He lost his keys as well but I find out from the neighbor in our apartment building that he left his keys on the porch. So for 3 days he has been lying about the keys having to be somewhere in the home. I have his set and still mines are just nowhere to be found. It's so exhausting having to be the only responsible one it seems. I feel that once he lost his keys he found mine and then lost those as well. Why won't he just tell me? It's not like I'm going to divorce him for it! I just wanted to rant guys thanks so much I would love to hear from you guys.
I've been married to a chronic liar for 25 years and I can tell you that unless something changes now this isn't going to turn out well. I don't know your spouses motivation for lying but I can tell you that if it's something that a good long talk can't sort out you need to take steps to stop this in its tracks now. If this is something that goes deep this can and will cause so much damage over time.

My hubs was telling stories from day one I just wasn't aware of it in the beginning. When it began to become apparent I was to embarrassed by him to call him out. Most of his lies leave me scratching my head, they don't produce any gain for him. There's nothing but risk involved for lying about the stupidest things. Why risk making an absolute fool of yourself over something so dumb?

Example....I needed scissors one day here at home but they had been missing for days. I figured one of the kids lost them again. I had been mentioning the lost scissors to hubs for days telling him if he finds them to let me know. They're usually kept in a small junk drawer in the kitchen. On this particular day I looked through the drawer again, still no scissors. Hubs was sitting in the dining room watching me go through the house looking for them, again. As I began heading upstairs to look in the bedrooms I heard him get up and go out onto the back porch where he keeps all his tools and fishing gear. The back porch is off our kitchen. I knew at that point where the scissors were. I froze on the stairs and listened. He quietly came back in. Already knowing what was about to happen I walk back in the kitchen and there he is standing with his hand on the junk drawer and soon as he sees me he pulls the drawer open and lifts the scissors out saying that I obviously missed seeing them in the drawer. After 25 years he still doesn't get that I know all his tricks. I stood there silent and just shook my head and after several silent seconds said "No hubs". He knew by the tone of my voice that he was busted. He didn't say a word and then walked away.

If this had happened 15 years ago I would have walked into the kitchen thinking that I had truly missed seeing them and he would have then launched into a speech about how my absent mindedness caused to much stress for everyone in the house and would have gone on about how I had b****ed out everyone over a lost pair of scissors that were never lost.

Just be careful because liars can hone their craft over time and make life hell. Talk with your spouse now, call him or her out, keep the issue out in the open....don't let it slide.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 01:25 PM
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Cool Re: The Little Lies

Other than for power or attention, I cannot begin to understand why people want to knowingly lie about something!

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 03:14 PM
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Re: The Little Lies

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Originally Posted by youngnmarried16 View Post
Well I see what you mean about the disorder but most of the signs aren't there I guess but I will look further into it. And that was the only time I left my keys because I knew my husband would be home and he didn't have to work so I just left them. Never again I tell ya. I just hope that we start to become more open and not afraid to tell each other things I'm no angel I would tell him I'm busy at work when I simply don't want to text only because I know his feelings would get hurt. But I'm praying things become better.
Lying all the time is THE sign for pathological compulsive liars. The source of the lies is the next issue to look at.

It could be that he simply feels like his real life is not good enough, so he invents a different life-story via lies. Or it could be that growing up it was the only way that he could cope in his family of origin (FOO). For example if he was severely punished for every little thing he did that was not perfect, he might have learned to lie to get out of overly hard punishments.

The problem is that he is doing this as a adult. He needs therapy to learn to not do this. Hopefully he's not also suffering from something like narcissism, psychopathy, etc.

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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 03:18 PM
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Re: The Little Lies

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Other than for power or attention, I cannot begin to understand why people want to knowingly lie about something!
To create the life they want, not the one that they have.

Her husband lost keys. He does not want to be the **** up who leaves keys on the porch for someone to steal and maybe even break into his house. So he lies and says he does not know what happened to them. So in his mind, he is now not that **** up. And he is delusional enough to think that his lies are enough to convince everyone else that he is not the ****up that he is.

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 04:56 PM
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To create the life they want, not the one that they have.

Her husband lost keys. He does not want to be the **** up who leaves keys on the porch for someone to steal and maybe even break into his house. So he lies and says he does not know what happened to them. So in his mind, he is now not that **** up. And he is delusional enough to think that his lies are enough to convince everyone else that he is not the ****up that he is.
All despite the sad, sad fact that everybody can clearly see him for what he truly is ... except himself!


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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 05:12 PM
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Re: The Little Lies

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All despite the sad, sad fact that everybody can clearly see him for what he truly is ... except himself!
Yep... For some reason people who do this think that they are very cleaver. It's a delusion that they have.

They will often fool people who do not know them.

Sometimes pathological liars will choose something in particular. One well know lie are the guys who make up stories about having been in the military. They are often guys who never even served. Some are able to get a way with this for decades, even their entire life time. They become the war hero that everyone looks up to. They apparently cannot deal with who they really are, just an ordinary guy. Nothing wrong with being an ordinary guy.. but they cannot handle it.

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