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post #31 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 07:12 AM
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Cool Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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If you can be happy without a relationship, then do so. Most people are much happier when they are in a good one. There is always a risk, and never a guarantee - and marriage guarantees nothing. But love does promise everything - you can't always turn that into reality, but many people do. I think it's the risks that make good relationships so precious.
That may all well be true, MBH, but let's just say that I've encountered and endured "marital risks" enough already in this rather sophomoric lifetime of mine, to even make someone who is in and around the ripe old age of Methuselah, have some rather serious second thoughts of ever getting remarried!

I'm reasonably happy flying solo now, but at the same time, I can get lonely as hell!

Guess that's the reason why God just recently put a big old puppy in my life!



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Last edited by arbitrator; 06-17-2017 at 07:19 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #32 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 07:18 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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That may all well be true, MBH, but let's just say that I've encountered and endured "marital risks" enough already in this rather sophomoric lifetime of mine, to even make someone who is in and around the ripe old age of Methuselah, have some rather serious second thoughts of ever getting remarried!
I get that, I surely do. My wife and I were very reluctant to get married - we were (and are) very skeptical of marriage, and don't think it is necessary or advisable, generally. We only married for the practical benefits (i.e., health insurance, which was needed to save her life). We don't regret it - but we'd also divorce for pragmatic reasons, yet stay together. Other than a few benefits, all marriage does is raise the cost and pain of exiting a relationship that should be over anyway.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #33 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 07:50 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

No reason for marriage in todays world satisticaly it a poor bet.

At a mimimum a prenup would be advisable ,one thats fair for both and spells out how things will be devided .
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post #34 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 09:34 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Being a cheater does not mean he was not a great actor.

People can be strong in one area and weak in another.

True and he was great.

I think he felt shame his whole life for what he did to his first wife and oldest child. It must have hurt them terribly.

I wonder if Joanne Woodward felt shame?

It would be good that they did, cheating is shameful. Sounds like they at least tried to make amends in other things, Newman's own is a charitable thing isn't it

I wonder how their three daughters felt about what their dad and mom did to his first wife and their daughter. I am not sure the first wife ever remarried.

It also affects peoples lives besides the cheaters forever.
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post #35 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 09:42 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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@NatashaYurino , below is a paste of stats from a single site.:

- In over 1/3 of marriages, one or both partners admit to cheating.
- 22% of men say that they've cheated on their significant other.
- 14% of women admit to cheating on their significant other.
- 36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a coworker.
- 17% of men and women admit to having an affair with a sister-in-law or brother-in-law.
- People who have cheated before are 350% more likely to cheat again.
- Affairs are most likely to occur two years into a marriage.
- 35% of men and women admit to cheating while on a business trip.
- 9% of men admit they might have an affair to get back at a spouse.
- 14% of women admit they might have an affair to get back at a spouse.
- 10% of affairs begin online.
- 40% of the time online affairs turn into real life affairs.

The above doesn't come from a very reputable source, but is some parts of it is accurate - then there is some interesting info there (in regards to cheating WITH the SIL or BIL - ewww)

Now from books and other better sources, the amount of men who cheat (married or not) is about 65% and women are pretty much the same amount. Especially taking into consideration that women have a mental ability to bend reality more than men (ie: blow jobs are not sex. Ask a man, and we'll differ on that). So depending on country / culture - infidelity hits 30~65% of marriages.

With people I've met IRL and online - the 60% (give or take) cheating men and women seems realistic. WE all have the capacity to cheat. Some of us are better at not doing it than others.
Don't even count yourself as immune to cheating. My wife was pissed when a close family member on her side, cheated on his wife. 4~5 months later, she does it to me. Go figure.

You can try to "pick" Mr. perfect as much as possible. There are no guarantees. There are preachers (married) have sex with married women in their own churches - IN the church itself sometimes. Me, I'm not religious, I'm kinky, into some aspects of BDSM, have experiences doing threesomes - but I never cheated on my wife or past girlfriends. There simply isn't 100% full proof way of knowing.

You said it was very painful. I'd say its even FAR more painful when its your married partner and you have kids.
I've been hospitalized twice and spent months on medication to keep my heart from exploding. 180 over 1?? type of stuff. I was monitoring my heart a few times a day. I lost about 30lbs in about 3-4 weeks. It felt like a 400lb weight was on my chest. My head was pounding, I had PTSD pretty bad. I still twitch or have muscle spasms and panic attacks every once in awhile - that I never had before.

Love is great - but yeah, opening your heart is always a risk in life.
Now she won't even want to leave the house.
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post #36 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 09:59 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

I've read that married people are happier and often more successful. Marriage gives many meaning in their lives and a desire to provide, protect, and cherish. Caring for another person, and raising children, helps you grow and mature as a person.

There are many health benefits to marriage as well.

But you have to really want it and commit. It's surprisingly easy to fall out of love when you disagree on parenting, finances, time together, etc., and when couples fall out of love it opens the door to turning outside of the marriage to have your needs met. This is why many spouses who cheat "affair down." Most are not looking to cheat. They start by confiding in a third person who "gets them," and offers Needs like admiration, respect, attention, sexual flirting...things they are not getting at home.

The success of a long-term marriage IMO comes down to how well you can weather those periods of time when you're only in-like or even in withdrawal from your spouse. Some long-term married couples say this can last months or years. The successful ones pull out of it. The failures cheat and destroy the marriage.
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post #37 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 01:38 PM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

In some marriages, cheating is the least of the problems encountered... I would not fixate to that alone. Given the rampant spread of mental health issues and stress, the last thing you want is a BSC spouse, cheating or not.
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post #38 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 01:49 PM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
That may all well be true, MBH, but let's just say that I've encountered and endured "marital risks" enough already in this rather sophomoric lifetime of mine, to even make someone who is in and around the ripe old age of Methuselah, have some rather serious second thoughts of ever getting remarried!

I'm reasonably happy flying solo now, but at the same time, I can get lonely as hell!

Guess that's the reason why God just recently put a big old puppy in my life!
It is no coincidence that mans best friend can't talk.
But he can listen.And there is no better cure for the blues than a puppy licking your face.

Last edited by Andy1001; 06-17-2017 at 01:56 PM.
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post #39 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 03:08 PM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Being a cheater does not mean he was not a great actor.
A lot of cheaters are good actors.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #40 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 09:34 PM
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Marriage is wonderful, truly a gift, if you are married to a good man. Just be selective about the man you accept to marry.

Actually, that could be a good thread: How to spot a good man.
That would be a good thread. How to spot a good man, and why many women act as though a good man is rather boring and would rather take a chance on one with more edge.

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post #41 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 12:25 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Marriage is a gamble these days, if you are lucky enough to find someone to get along with every day that is a plus.

As for cheating, I believe it's weak, the person is running away instead of facing difficulties at home.
You think that marriage is a gamble today? Imagine what it was like when your parents picked some guy for you to marry, and you had little to nothing to say about it. And you could not divorce the guy when he turned out to be someone you cannot stand.

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post #42 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 12:29 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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That would be a good thread. How to spot a good man, and why many women act as though a good man is rather boring and would rather take a chance on one with more edge.
It's probably a pretty similar reason why so many men pass up good women and would rather take a chance on crazy simply because she's far better looking than anyone else who will go out with them.

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post #43 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 12:34 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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You think that marriage is a gamble today? Imagine what it was like when your parents picked some guy for you to marry, and you had little to nothing to say about it. And you could not divorce the guy when he turned out to be someone you cannot stand.
It seems counter intuitive but...

I think maybe it's like a fire, you can have a flash fire where all the heat is at the beginning and it burns out quickly, or you can have one that builds slow and burns long.

I am with you though I could never do it. You have to depend on your parents not being *******s, and your spouse's parents as well. Though that seems as risky as just waiting to bump into someone. I actually think online dating with comprehensive surveys make a lot of sense, I would have done that if I hadn't met my wife. They were not all the rage yet. My one friend met his wife on there, they seem to be going strong.
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post #44 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 03:02 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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That would be a good thread. How to spot a good man, and why many women act as though a good man is rather boring and would rather take a chance on one with more edge.
They probably mean a "good man" as opposed to just a "real man". Huge difference.
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post #45 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 03:03 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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No reason for marriage in todays world satisticaly it a poor bet.

At a mimimum a prenup would be advisable ,one thats fair for both and spells out how things will be devided .
Prenups are no longer a protection these days.
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