Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman) - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 10:25 PM Thread Starter
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Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

I read this on comment on a Yahoo.com article about Gal Gadot's husband being proud he's married to Wonder Woman.

"SHOW ME A WOMAN -- ANY WOMAN -- and I'LL SHOW YOU A GUY WHO WAS TIRED OF BANGING HER -- NUFF SAID."
and this were some of the responses the comment received:

"That's called marriage." and "In other words, men are incapable of commitment in a monogamous relationship."

This is the kind of stuff that makes question if it's even worth getting married. Makes me think that most men will eventually cheat anyway so...why bother?! Maybe it's better to face the pain of being alone than the pain of being cheated on.

Anyway I don't mean to offend any men here so please don't take it personally. I just wanted to rant a bit about this kind of attitude some men seem to have. I know women can be bad too but as a straight woman I tend to focus more on men's behavior.

Thanks.


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post #2 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 10:28 PM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

Marriage is wonderful, truly a gift, if you are married to a good man. Just be selective about the man you accept to marry.

Actually, that could be a good thread: How to spot a good man.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #3 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 11:20 PM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Originally Posted by NatashaYurino View Post
I read this on comment on a Yahoo.com article about Gal Gadot's husband being proud he's married to Wonder Woman.

"SHOW ME A WOMAN -- ANY WOMAN -- and I'LL SHOW YOU A GUY WHO WAS TIRED OF BANGING HER -- NUFF SAID."
and this were some of the responses the comment received:

"That's called marriage." and "In other words, men are incapable of commitment in a monogamous relationship."

This is the kind of stuff that makes question if it's even worth getting married. Makes me think that most men will eventually cheat anyway so...why bother?! Maybe it's better to face the pain of being alone than the pain of being cheated on.

Anyway I don't mean to offend any men here so please don't take it personally. I just wanted to rant a bit about this kind of attitude some men seem to have. I know women can be bad too but as a straight woman I tend to focus more on men's behavior.

Thanks.
I sometimes feel the same way. My experiences with people so far have taught me that no one can be trusted. But, I know that that's just most people, and that there are a few good ones out there. I just have to find them

If I wasn't religious, I would not get married. Outside of moral reasons, there's no point. Never understood why people bother in today's society. But speaking for myself, I'm a monogamous type guy. Only a sleezeball would "get tired of banging" a good woman who loves him.

"The problem with unproductive people, is that they tend to be the most reproductive people." - Unknown

"If you can't kill then you will always be subject to those who can." - Ender Wiggin
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post #4 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 11:31 PM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

If you look at statistics on infidelity, you will find that women cheat almost as much as men.

About 20% of men cheat and about 18% of women.

You just have to learn to pick carefully. Take time to get to know the person. And structure your marriage to be as affair proof as possible. How do you do that?

Try what these two book teach:

"Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs"

Surviving An Affair -
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post #5 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 11:39 PM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Originally Posted by NatashaYurino View Post
I read this on comment on a Yahoo.com article about Gal Gadot's husband being proud he's married to Wonder Woman.

"SHOW ME A WOMAN -- ANY WOMAN -- and I'LL SHOW YOU A GUY WHO WAS TIRED OF BANGING HER -- NUFF SAID."
and this were some of the responses the comment received:

"That's called marriage." and "In other words, men are incapable of commitment in a monogamous relationship."

This is the kind of stuff that makes question if it's even worth getting married. Makes me think that most men will eventually cheat anyway so...why bother?! Maybe it's better to face the pain of being alone than the pain of being cheated on.

Anyway I don't mean to offend any men here so please don't take it personally. I just wanted to rant a bit about this kind of attitude some men seem to have. I know women can be bad too but as a straight woman I tend to focus more on men's behavior.

Thanks.
Respectfully have you ever read a political board? Do you think everyone in the world of politics behaves that way? Ever read a sports board? Do you think every sports fan is that way? Why on earth would you judge all men by some numbskulls on some dumb movie blog. The are probably 15 year old children.

I am a man and I have never cheated. Read my posts I rail on cheaters men and women. I absolutely hate that **** with a passion. As far as I know none of my male friends have cheated on their wives, two of them were cheated on though. I was cheated on. All of us survived by the way. One is remarried, and one seems to be on his way to R (though I hope he is not making a mistake, but he will get there as he is really growing as a person either way).

I don't know your story but were you cheated on in the past? Is this part of your fear?

Look the truth is nothing in life is guaranteed, I understand the fear, my Father cheated on my Mother and a bunch of other women. I was cheated on. It is a big risk to put your heart out there. Nothing good in life comes without risk though right?

You can minimize the risk by learning about human nature, reading books about men, talking to good and bad men, reading books about what makes a good marriage, understanding proper boundaries, figure out what you expect and don't settle even once. But most of all looking for character. Character that has nothing to do with your relationship but that is shown in actions that no one really sees. Look for a man who does stuff that you know is difficult and hard that no one sees, only because it is the right thing to do. That will give you a good sense of what kind of man he is.

If you get to the point were you are happy to be alone it will be much easier to not settle. So work to getting to that place.

One other thing, you speak about marriage. Marriage is not like Disney, it doesn't happen and then everything is happily ever after. If you think that is what it is then don't get married because you will be disappointed.

It's more like learning to play the piano. It can be great fun, and very rewarding, but a lot of times it is boring, lots of times it's hard work. You need to practice and continue to work or you can get sloppy and make mistakes. It is usually harder at the beginning, but there are moments when you are playing where it's just fun and freeing. It's two people learning and growing at a skill. When you get really good at it, it brings immense joy and pride to your life.

Anyway don't give up hope, and please don't judge the world by message boards, if the world was really like it is on the internet it wouldn't last a day. I am sure I would have been punched in the face about 10 times. I would have fought back though.

Last edited by sokillme; 06-16-2017 at 11:46 PM.
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post #6 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 12:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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I don't know your story but were you cheated on in the past? Is this part of your fear
Yes, unfortunately I have been cheated on. You are right this is part if my fear. I was cheated on by a boyfriend and it was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. Worse the pain of losing a loved one.

So sometimes I wonder how much worse it would feel to be cheated on while being married, after years of dedicating yourself to being the best spouse you can be. The feeling that they chose to risk losing everything you built together for years all for the cheap thrill of meaningless sex with someone else just because they are a novelty and you are not.

And thank you the advices, they help a lot. I'll be sure to keep them in mind.

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post #7 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 12:15 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Yes, unfortunately I have been cheated on. You are right this is part if my fear. I was cheated on by a boyfriend and it was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. Worse the pain of losing a loved one.
Yep.

It's a lot easier if you live your life for relationships and for your own personal honor not achievement and things (though those things aren't bad just should not be the motivation only the reward). You dedicate your life and be the best spouse you can be because you love them, and like you do anything in life, because it's the right thing to do not because of the outcome. The truth is we have little control of most outcomes in life. You marry someone because you love them and want to give yourself to them, not because what they give to you. To be able to do that you have to be able to be a complete and confident person, without needing someone. You get ready for marriage by becoming that complete and confident person, not by looking for someone to marry.

Since you are only at stage one, work on becoming that complete and confident self sufficient person. Look you went through the cheating before and you survived, so you can survive it again. But if you have things that bring you joy besides your relationship if it should fall apart losing it won't be so hard. Again it also helps you have the strength not to settle.

The next step will come for you when you are ready.
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post #8 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 12:25 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

I haven't gotten tired of my wife after more than 25 years. I'm not tired of her sexually either, even though she has very little interest in me that way.

OTOH, marriage always comes with the risk of your partner cheating - you can never really know. A lifetime is a long time and comes with many opportunities to do the wrong thing. The only way to be absolutely sure your partner will never cheat is to never be in an exclusive relationship.

Men and women cheat at roughly equal rates, and I expect many were quite sure that they never would - until they did.
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post #9 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 12:39 AM
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I've experienced the love of men who would never cheat on me. And they never tired of me sexually or romantically. These are long term relationships I'm talking about. They ended for other reasons, sex and monogamy were never an issue.

There are men who can love completely and for life, without ever getting tired of you. Don't let negative messages to the contrary make you believe otherwise!
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post #10 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 12:42 AM
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PS...Paul Newman (sexy hunk from the 70's for anyone too young to know!) once said "why go out for hamburger when I have steak at home?" when asked if he'd ever step out on his wife. They are still married, not sure how long but probably at least 40 years.

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post #11 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 01:05 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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PS...Paul Newman (sexy hunk from the 70's for anyone too young to know!) once said "why go out for hamburger when I have steak at home?" when asked if he'd ever step out on his wife. They are still married, not sure how long but probably at least 40 years.
Sorry to break it to you but they are both dead now, but they were married up until he died so the point still stands.
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post #12 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 02:23 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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PS...Paul Newman (sexy hunk from the 70's for anyone too young to know!) once said "why go out for hamburger when I have steak at home?" when asked if he'd ever step out on his wife. They are still married, not sure how long but probably at least 40 years.
Thing is, he was talking about his second wife, the one he cheated with on his first wife.

I read that he said in an interview that cheating on his first wife was something he continued to feel guilty about years and years later.

He is dead now.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #13 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 02:24 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Sorry to break it to you but they are both dead now, but they were married up until he died so the point still stands.
Joanne Woodward is dead now, too?

Had not heard that.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #14 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 02:38 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Joanne Woodward is dead now, too?

Had not heard that.
Nope I guess I am wrong, I have a fake memory of her being dead, but maybe that was from the bio of her when he died. She is 87.
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post #15 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 02:40 AM
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Re: Hard time believing it's worth getting married. (as a woman)

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Nope I guess I am wrong, I have a fake memory of her being dead, but maybe that was from the bio of her when he died. She is 87.
I heard she has Alzheimer's now.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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