I feel like I am losing my wife
If this is in the wrong section I apologize. New to this site and haven't read into ever subcategory. I'm typing this on my phone so if there are odd typos or auto correct I'm sorry.
For the last few months my wife has been acting like a totally different person. She is easily irritated, not sleeping, losing weight (from already skinny), not wanting to do things with me, not talking much to friends, going for very long walks, no interest in sex, doesn't want me to touch her, often sleeps in the guest bedroom.
She recently told me that 10 years ago she was raped. She was 15 and it was before I knew her. This is something that she has NEVER told me or hinted at before. We have been together for 6 years married for 3. The day she told me that she was raped she also went to the doctor and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and given escitalopram. She said she was on similar meds in the past, before we met. She is also going to be going to therapy.
I feel like I don't even know my wife anymore. Or who she was to begin with. This is something that she straight up hid from me our whole relationship and I don't think I ever gave her reason.
I don't know what triggered her to be like this. It has been 10 years since the attack and she was fine for at least 6 years. She has been slowly telling me details and each time it feels like it's being ripped open again. I wish she would just tell me it all at once so we can move past this and I could help her.
When we met she said she was a virgin, which I do NOT care about. Do not twist my words. However since telling me this she has confided in me that she slept with one guy twice, then was raped by him and his friends. So she has had consensual sex before. I don't care that she has, I care that she lied. That being said, I understand it. I understand that she wanted to hide it or forget about it. It's more that she went above and beyond to stick to the virgin role. Acting more naive than she probably was, basically like she had never seen a naked man or penis in her life. She became pregnant as a result and aborted, she told doctors infront of me that she had only been pregnant 3x (with me). It's the lying that bothers me. An abortion could be relevant as she has had 3 miscarriages since we have been married (none recently).
Now our life is a mess and it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under us. She isn't who I married. Maybe the meds and therapy will help. She says she doesn't know what triggered it. It just slowly came on until she couldn't take it anymore. At first I thought she was preparing to leave or having an affair.
In a way, right or wrong, I feel cheated because I unknowingly agreed to this. She should have told me. She should have felt like she could tell me. Does this even usually happen, someone being affected by a rape 10 years later after being previously fine? I dont understand how she can go from fine to this. This isn't something that I can't talk to friends or family about, due to the personal nature.
I don't know what to do at this point. I wouldn't leave her if she was raped while we were together so why am I even thinking about it just because it happened before we met? The affect on her and our relationship is the same. I would have done things differently if I had known she was raped. The first time we had sex was the first time she had sex since her rape. I think I should have been aware of it. I haven't been careful what I say or do, or what my friends say. I have a couple friends who often say things like I was raped or he raped me while speaking about a video game. My wife admitted that it always bothered her. She says she didn't want to be treated differently, but to an extent she needs to be. I have done things that upset her that I wouldn't have done if I knew.
In a way, it's like starting from scratch.