Re: Do I forgive and forget? Or do I cancel the wedding and leave?
I was married for many years to a man who would only very occasionally become very mean and cruel when he drank. It wasn't until the final year of our marriage that I realized that all the terrible things he would say to me during those 'it only happens once every 3-5 years' drunken rages, were how he really felt. He was just able to keep control of himself most of the time because he knew those weren't things he should say out loud. But he still felt them, thought them, and they formed the ways he interacted with me and treated me. Mostly in subtle ways at first, but increasingly as the years wore on. He said he loved me, and he enjoyed all the advantages that being married to me afforded him, but the truth is that he didn't actually like me very much.
Alcohol rarely actually changes people. Alcohol does not manufacture out of thin air, thoughts and feelings that did not already exist somewhere inside the individual. What it usually does is makes them even more themselves. It removes inhibitions. It brings thoughts, feelings, desires, and behaviors to the surface that people are normally otherwise able to keep tamped down and controlled. I think the chances are very high that if your fiancé said those things to you, OP, that somewhere, perhaps very deep down, he has thought them or felt them. Even if he would normally never say them to you, and even if he would normally not even allow himself to entertain the thoughts consciously.
Whether this incident is a deal-breaker is entirely up to you, OP. But from experience, I will say that being married to a partner who feels like they've done you a huge favor - for which you now owe them bigtime - by being with you, is a recipe for misery. If you want to stay in this relationship, you two need to get to the bottom of what's going on with him and with your relationship. Don't find yourself married to someone who doesn't actually like you very much.
You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi