dislike for husbands family..not sure how to handle - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 4Likes
  • 2 Post By EleGirl
  • 1 Post By aine
  • 1 Post By EleGirl
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 02:50 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 18
dislike for husbands family..not sure how to handle

I have a huge dislike for my husbands stepmother and half-brother. Reason being is they are just awful people. The brother and his girlfriend had lived with us and were disrespectful and never wanted to spend time with us (double dates etc.) When I had tried to make an effort to build a relationship. I had a birthday party for my 30th and all my close friends were there the girlfriend had told they were going to be there, last minute they cancel. I asked them why they hadnt gone since it was important to me that they be there they said one of my friends bothered them and they did not want to be around them then they said it was becuase they were tired (they would go back and forth...) anyways I let it go and we decided we would move forward. Into the new year I come to find out that the stepmother and brother had been gossiping about me, saying that I "hated" the girlfriend becuase I and my sister(not sure why they brought my sister into it..?) Were racist (she is of east Indian descent I am hispanic) and that is why we married white men..thus really bothered me so I asked my husband to confront them, the brother then contacted me telling me he did not know where those comments came from and kinda blamed his mother. I had seen a screen shot of this comment he had made to my FIL, which bothers me more becuase I feel like he tried to make my FIL see in my a different light. Another reason I have a dislike for this brother especially is he is makes very bad anti muslim "jokes" on social media and I have no respect for ignorance. The stepmother denied any gossip although she has in the past abput other family members. My question is, I want to avoid them at all cost but I feel it is affecting my husband. I cringe qhen he mentions them and she has asked for us to visit and I do not want to( she lives 4 hrs away) and I do not want our children (2 yr old and 2 month old) left alone with that women ( she had physically abused my husband as a child) ... they just create so much stress!! Am I right to avoid them?? Is anyone else in this type of situation??

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk

eva8686 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 03:07 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,689
Re: dislike for husbands family..not sure how to handle

What was the physical abuse she did against your husband when he was a child?

if they are being hostile towards you, then your husband has to support you in this.

If I were you, I would refuse to be around them. And I would not allow my children around anyone who spread ugly gossip about me.

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is offline  
post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 03:48 PM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 3,190
Re: dislike for husbands family..not sure how to handle

If they live 4 hours away then you will not have to see them often. Speak up for yourself and confront them if they say anything that offends you. When you show them where your boundaries are, they will not bother you again.
aine is offline  
 
post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 05:05 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Emerging Buddhist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: World-wide
Posts: 1,451
Re: dislike for husbands family..not sure how to handle

Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
When you show them where your boundaries are, they will not bother you again.

+1

नमस्ते 🙏
Emerging Buddhist is offline  
post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 06:44 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 18
Re: dislike for husbands family..not sure how to handle

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
What was the physical abuse she did against your husband when he was a child?

if they are being hostile towards you, then your husband has to support you in this.

If I were you, I would refuse to be around them. And I would not allow my children around anyone who spread ugly gossip about me.
According to his dad he got home from work he had red marks around his neck (he was around 3 yrs old). My husband had told me that she would drag him up the stairs by his hair and that she was a bit excessive when it came to discipline. He does not like talking about it.
My thought exactly, I wasn't sure if I was being too harsh. When I spoke to his brother I told him that I was going to limit the relationship she had our children as I dont appreciate someone speaking badly of me and possibly speaking badly of me or others I care about in front of my children if im not there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
What was the physical abuse she did against your husband when he was a child?

if they are being hostile towards you, then your husband has to support you in this.

If I were you, I would refuse to be around them. And I would not allow my children around anyone who spread ugly gossip about me.

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk
eva8686 is offline  
post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 06:48 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 18
Re: dislike for husbands family..not sure how to handle

Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
If they live 4 hours away then you will not have to see them often. Speak up for yourself and confront them if they say anything that offends you. When you show them where your boundaries are, they will not bother you again.
The stepmother lives 4 hrs away his brother lives in nearby so they now stop by more often than I like. I did confront the brother and he tried to make it seem like it was all misconstrued when I saw the exact message he had sent. I told my husband I was going to let it go but it continues to bother me where I simply do not want to be around people like that. I don't feel like I can trust them or be friends with people like that. I won't confront the stepmother as she will deny everything, she tried to blame the racist comment on my FIL (of course they are divorced and they hate eachother!)

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk
eva8686 is offline  
post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 09:48 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,689
Re: dislike for husbands family..not sure how to handle

Just limit your contact with them as much as you can.

When you do see them, just say hi when you see them. Bye when they (or you) leave. And as little as possible in between.

Let them stew in their own petty crap.

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is offline  
post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 04:04 AM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 3,190
Re: dislike for husbands family..not sure how to handle

Quote:
Originally Posted by eva8686 View Post
The stepmother lives 4 hrs away his brother lives in nearby so they now stop by more often than I like. I did confront the brother and he tried to make it seem like it was all misconstrued when I saw the exact message he had sent. I told my husband I was going to let it go but it continues to bother me where I simply do not want to be around people like that. I don't feel like I can trust them or be friends with people like that. I won't confront the stepmother as she will deny everything, she tried to blame the racist comment on my FIL (of course they are divorced and they hate eachother!)

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk
They sound like bullies and like all bullies you have to face up to them and put them in their place. Do not be afraid, call them out when necessary, be nice, smiling but firm.
I had the same crap from my in-laws (who are different culture too) when I was newly married and much more naive, particularly my BIL and MIL. No more, they know I am a very nice and kind person, but if they pull anything I will call them out immediately, I don't care who is watching, listening, about saving their faces, (a big thing in their culture) etc. They come to my house only when invited and treat me with utmost respect, why? Because I set boundaries. If I want to go visit, I do, if I don't I won't. My H is cool with it and I think is happier with the way things are now because I don't strive anymore or bother him with what he said, she said, etc. You must reach a point, where your peace is more important than what they think.
aine is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Should my fiance come out as bisexual to my family? Or? What? Maj1996 General Relationship Discussion 139 03-19-2017 02:09 AM
Need Advise. Mindspun2 Mindspun2 General Relationship Discussion 59 12-28-2016 11:54 AM
First Post - Need help, *long Post* MrW General Relationship Discussion 92 10-12-2016 02:19 PM
Help!! Family not accepting :( pragmaster The Family & Parenting Forums 25 06-16-2016 01:13 PM
I hate our neighbors. H and I can't agree on how to handle them. kag123 General Relationship Discussion 26 05-03-2016 05:39 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome