Can finances really ruin your marriage?? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 08:09 PM Thread Starter
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Can finances really ruin your marriage??

My husband of 4 yrs is the only one who works & we have 3 kids. I cant afford to work because of daycare costs for our youngest son. He is always stressed works 6 days a week & as far as intimate time we only have sex 1x every 3 wks. I feel helpless & very disconnected . I am starting to wonder if he wouldve been better off without me and kids( when we married I had 2 girls from previous marriage he had no kids) we had our son year into marriage. His family has recently started making comments about how he chose this life with me and they warned him I love him very much and I still feel he does to me as well but he has said many times he cant continue living like this bc of finances and that I dont understand bc he has all the burden on him to make more etc....but I do feel his pain as we are a team so I thought but I just am confused at this pt...

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 08:48 PM
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Re: Can finances really ruin your marriage??

Everyone struggles early on. There are ways to bring in some extra income as a sahm. Start researching.

You can cut your expenses a lot by using coupons, etc. research online.

His family has no reason to stick their nose into your business.

The other thing is make home as comfortable as you can since he's putting in long hours. When he is home it should be his oasis.

You aren't helpless. You can help a lot. It's not as hard as you may think
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 09:03 PM
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Re: Can finances really ruin your marriage??

Yes i think finances can ruin a marriage, there are a lot of work from home jobs now than what use to be.

Do you have a hobby where you can make things and sell them, maybe get a part time job different hours from his and he can watch the kids while you work.



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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 09:10 PM
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Re: Can finances really ruin your marriage??

Some additional info would help.

How long have you been married?

How old are you and your husband?

How old are your children.

Does the father(s) of your other two children pay any child support?

There are work-at-home jobs that you might be able to get. Have you considered doing this?

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 09:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Can finances really ruin your marriage??

I am 29 and he is 28. Married 4 years.

Our son is 3 and older girls are 9&10.
The girls father is not in pictture sees them once a month on a good month. No cs help. He is remarried with 2 other kids and sadly doesnt pay much attention to my girls. Thankfully my husband has taken on the father role since early on and he cares for them so much as do they.

I unfortunately am Not too crafty and dont have anything to sell either. I have went on a few interviews in last couple wks only to confirm what i dreaded...paychecks would go all to daycare.

We are what we consider "working poor" make too much to qual for anything w/state help but too little to stay afloat for 5 people.

This is all so frusturating and any idras would be great!!

Last edited by rionz; 06-18-2017 at 09:30 PM. Reason: forgot add a line
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 09:37 PM
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Re: Can finances really ruin your marriage??

Hi rionz.

Before I make my real comment, let me point out one thing. You both work. Your husband just happens to be the only one that currently brings home a paycheck. As you said, you are a team and both obviously feel invested in making your relationship work.

Please do not take any stock in the ignorant comments made your husband's family. If their opinions held any water, he wouldn't have married you. And if they can't see that you and he are a team after four years, then they probably never will.

It's so awesome that you have so much empathy towards your husband. Finances are tough and unfortunately many men (the good ones, anyway) often still feel like they have to carry this weight on their shoulders alone. If he is feeling high levels of stress over this, sometimes even small gestures can be enough to show him that you understand, really care, and want to help.

I don't know how good you are with finances, or if you do any of these already, but some suggestions could be:
- Couponing. Most of the major chain food stores and food manufacturers issue coupons through newspapers and online. If you flexible regarding brand names, sizes, and meal planning, you can save $10-$20 per week on food (that's $500-$1000 annually)
- Buy food in bulk and separate out into smaller portions at home. You have three kids. Chances are that you have enough hungry mouths at any given time that food would rarely go bad. Even if more expensive at the time you buy, typically, the larger the package, the lower the "cost per unit". Look at the different sizes of the same item on the shelves. It's amazing how much further a dollar can be stretched this way
- If you drink coffee or alcohol, drink at home. Don't get it from coffee shops or bars. The mark up is outrageous.
- Check your doors and windows for drafts. A lot of money goes into heating and cooling living space. Eliminating drafts, especially is summer and winter, can save few bucks each month.

There's other things, but you get the general idea. Share what you're doing with you husband. Sometimes the little things we do make all the difference. They will show him that his effort is appreciated and you are trying hard to make sure the money he earns is being stretched further. He'll be reminded that he's on a team, his stress goes down and happiness goes up. Can't hurt to try, right? Good luck...
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 09:42 PM
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Re: Can finances really ruin your marriage??

Quote:
Originally Posted by rionz View Post
I am 29 and he is 28. Married 4 years.

Our son is 3 and older girls are 9&10.
The girls father is not in pictture sees them once a month on a good month. No cs help. He is remarried with 2 other kids and sadly doesnt pay much attention to my girls. Thankfully my husband has taken on the father role since early on and he cares for them so much as do they.

I unfortunately am Not too crafty and dont have anything to sell either. I have went on a few interviews in last couple wks only to confirm what i dreaded...paychecks would go all to daycare.

We are what we consider "working poor" make too much to qual for anything w/state help but too little to stay afloat for 5 people.

This is all so frusturating and any idras would be great!!
Why have you not gone after child support from the father of your two older ones? It's really not fair to your husband to not get some extra money for them.

When it comes to a stay-at-home job, you don't have to be crafty.

Do you have a computer? Is that what you are using to post her with? You could look for some kind of work to do at home on your computer.

Or you could start a home based day care.

There are other things you could do.

Your husband sounds like a good guy who is trying to do the right thing. Lord knows he is doing more than he probably should.

Another thing to look into is for you to look into is to get some training. Is there a state run community college near you?

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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-18-2017, 09:45 PM
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Re: Can finances really ruin your marriage??

Why don't you make the father of your girls pay child support? The tax-free income might give you some breathing room. If you need a lawyer, most do free consultations. And if you need to, you can offer to pay them after litigation. The girls are also rather old, so you can hammer their father with back child support. I see it every day in my current line of work.

On another note, are you two using some form of birth control? Don't think only having sex 1x every 3 weeks means you can't get pregnant. Because if you think it's hard now, imagine how hard it will be if you get pregnant and have a 4th kid.

Are the girls old enough to watch your son, so you can work during the summer? This can help pay for any lawyer fees to get child support. You may not be able to continue working once school starts back up, but hopefully that will help.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 06-19-2017, 02:29 AM
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Re: Can finances really ruin your marriage??

Work different shifts so no child care is needed.
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