I love my wife very much and there are so many great things that I love about us and our relationship, we've been married 2 years and together for 3 years (5 years total). However, there are things about our relationship that makes me overthink what our compatibility could be long-term; maybe call it a gut-feeling.
For example, I have always been a put family first type of person and help/support family when need be. I get along with my family very easily and like being around them. On the other hand, my wife gets easily agitated when spending too much time with her family and always likes to leave before they start getting on her nerves. There is a lot of complaining that she does about her family, I listen, and let her vent but I don't understand her; maybe because I don't experience this with my family and I’m more family orientated.
I also loved in the beginning of the relationship it seemed like she had a close relationship with her mom, I always thought that was great. However, I see that's not the case the longer I'm with her; they sometimes argue as if she was still in high school and my wife is currently in her late twenties. The only thing I can compare it to, is I see how my sisters are with my mom and it's a totally different dynamic, they talk to each other daily and they never get into fights at this age.
Another thing that made me fall in love with her at the beginning of the relationship is I loved how she seemed selfless and would do things for friends and family without complaining. She's still this happy, go-lucky, helpful person to friends/family when they are around. However, the longer I've been with her it seems like I get the behind-the-scenes of how she actually feels. She vents to me how she does these things for other people and nobody ever does anything for her in return; which I don't believe is true. As a husband, I'm happy she trusts me to vent about this but I feel like I was tricked in thinking she was really this selfless person when instead she does these things out of guilt and they are not genuine. In past conversations I would say, if you are doing these things, you should do them because you want to not because you feel guilty about saying no and then complain about it later. This is just another thing I don't completely understand about her now.
I also don't appreciate the way she makes me want to see her values as being the right way of thinking and doing things. I would do things to help my family and she would make statements like I feel bad because they take advantage of you. In another example, my family would tell me that I should lose weight and start eating healthier, and she would say don't you get annoyed that your family is always talking about your weight. However, I don't feel or think any of this; it's like she's trying to put these thoughts into my head when I know anything my family tells me is coming from love, it doesn't bother me at all.
I would see my niece and tell her things like, "look how big you're getting", and she would make statements to me saying I shouldn't say things like that to her because she will grow up with self-esteem issues about her body. The part that annoys me is my wife is the one with self-esteem issues, no one in my family has self-esteem issues about weight including my sisters and their kids. It's just another thing that annoys me because she tells me what I can and can't say to my own niece.
It feels like there are two versions of my wife and the person I fell in love with is not actually her true self. It's so hard to think about this not working because there are so many other great things that I love about our relationship but these type of things just make me think about our compatibility in the future with a family.
Am I reading into this too much? Am I crazy to be thinking these things?
I just don't know if any of these things would cause issues for us down the line by not matching up the way I thought we did. I’ve been feeling less confident lately in the strength of our marriage.
Thank you.
For example, I have always been a put family first type of person and help/support family when need be. I get along with my family very easily and like being around them. On the other hand, my wife gets easily agitated when spending too much time with her family and always likes to leave before they start getting on her nerves. There is a lot of complaining that she does about her family, I listen, and let her vent but I don't understand her; maybe because I don't experience this with my family and I’m more family orientated.
I also loved in the beginning of the relationship it seemed like she had a close relationship with her mom, I always thought that was great. However, I see that's not the case the longer I'm with her; they sometimes argue as if she was still in high school and my wife is currently in her late twenties. The only thing I can compare it to, is I see how my sisters are with my mom and it's a totally different dynamic, they talk to each other daily and they never get into fights at this age.
Another thing that made me fall in love with her at the beginning of the relationship is I loved how she seemed selfless and would do things for friends and family without complaining. She's still this happy, go-lucky, helpful person to friends/family when they are around. However, the longer I've been with her it seems like I get the behind-the-scenes of how she actually feels. She vents to me how she does these things for other people and nobody ever does anything for her in return; which I don't believe is true. As a husband, I'm happy she trusts me to vent about this but I feel like I was tricked in thinking she was really this selfless person when instead she does these things out of guilt and they are not genuine. In past conversations I would say, if you are doing these things, you should do them because you want to not because you feel guilty about saying no and then complain about it later. This is just another thing I don't completely understand about her now.
I also don't appreciate the way she makes me want to see her values as being the right way of thinking and doing things. I would do things to help my family and she would make statements like I feel bad because they take advantage of you. In another example, my family would tell me that I should lose weight and start eating healthier, and she would say don't you get annoyed that your family is always talking about your weight. However, I don't feel or think any of this; it's like she's trying to put these thoughts into my head when I know anything my family tells me is coming from love, it doesn't bother me at all.
I would see my niece and tell her things like, "look how big you're getting", and she would make statements to me saying I shouldn't say things like that to her because she will grow up with self-esteem issues about her body. The part that annoys me is my wife is the one with self-esteem issues, no one in my family has self-esteem issues about weight including my sisters and their kids. It's just another thing that annoys me because she tells me what I can and can't say to my own niece.
It feels like there are two versions of my wife and the person I fell in love with is not actually her true self. It's so hard to think about this not working because there are so many other great things that I love about our relationship but these type of things just make me think about our compatibility in the future with a family.
Am I reading into this too much? Am I crazy to be thinking these things?
I just don't know if any of these things would cause issues for us down the line by not matching up the way I thought we did. I’ve been feeling less confident lately in the strength of our marriage.
Thank you.