Re: When do friends come before your spouse?
I came to TAM as well to get a better picture of this phenemone called Emotional Affairs. I feel that my marriage was torn apart by my exH showing favor to other women to my disadvantage.
One thing that I find interesting is that at time as we had met each other in grad school I had some male friends as well.
I always expected my male friend to be respectful of my husband and I told my husband if he felt that they were not I wanted to know about it and I would do something about it.
My exH never expressed that courtesy to me. And what I found to occur all to often, is that the more contact a woman had with my exH, the more emboldened and dismissive her behaviors was towards me. I had really started the marriage with assumption that everyone was going to be on their best behavior. Instead, I now realise that there are a fair few people out there, women, certain women who don't care or who maybe even get off on befriending me without any regard to the other relationships he may have or will have in the future.
Sadly, it's for this reason that I am also suspicious of women who behave too chummily with men or who say (as if it were a badge of honor) that they get along better with men than with women.
I don't want to tell my partner what he can or cannot do, but I would like for him to be cognizant of someone who is becoming progressively disrespectful of the web of relationships that he represents.