Let me start off with some background. I am the deployed wife. My H and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5. It is my first marriage and his second. He has 2 kids from the previous marraige that we have shared custody of, boy 10 and girl 14. Our relationship with his ex is very open and amicable, and when it comes to the kids we are all on the same team.
I have been in the military for 13 years. He knew from the time we got together that I love my career in the military and I planned on staying in until I could retire, presumably at my 20 year mark. During that time though my military "deployments" or time away from home has never been more than a month a time. Until last November when I got selected for IA duty, in which case I have now been in the middle east since December.
I personally have been enjoying my time away from the family. My husband on the other hand has warped into someone that I don't even recognize anymore. He gets angry when I post on FB to other people or my own wall before posting anything to him. If I call him at one time one day and I haven't called him by that time the next day then he freaks out saying he was worried something happened to me. Its like everything turns into a fight. I feel like I am walking on eggshells from the other side of the planet. I have found out that he is very passive aggressive. It's embarassing for me that it has taken me this long to figure that out. And I feel it is compounded now that he has had to take on all the stuff that I used to do, laundry, dinner, baseball practice, wrestling practice, etc....
How can I be supportive without sending him into a passive aggressive fit? I don't want to schedule a phone call everyday, because there might be a time that I don't get to call and I don't want him to worry. This has happened in the past month and it ended up with me crying and apologizing for not being able to get to a phone. I also have given up Facebook because I don't want to forget to post to him first. His arguement on that is that I shouldn't have to think about it, that he should be the first thing on my mind. Which he is, but now it's because I am worrying about what I am going to say in our next conversation that is going to set him off.