General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion.
We've been together for 6 years. He is my first boyfriend. Before 25, I put all my efforts on study. Traveled to different countries for my degrees. In 2005, we met in another country, we had kisses and afterward he kept calling me. I was touched and then I moved to his city in Canada to see if we could work out in 2006. I made a mistake here. When he asked to live together, I agreed. So, we don't have the romantic dating period.
In the first year, we had lots argue and I never felt fell in love with him, or I never knew what is falling in love. He always apologize after our argument. I made another mistake here, I was still only focusing on studying and working, never thought about our relationship. Just stayed with him.
From the second year, our argue got less and less. We got alone well, like a family. But I started to not will to have sex or kiss with him.
Now I am turning 31, he is 31. When he talked about getting married, I felt so scared and told him I am not sure if I want to marry him. He is a very good man, kind, nice. But I just don't feel the passion.
My questions are:
1. After living together for 5-6 years, do you still feel passion to your partner. Do you still want to kiss them, I mean the long kiss?
2. We don't have good sex. I never had climax when we had sex. Is there a possible way to fix this?
I regretted a lot that I only thought about career and study in the past years. I feel scared for breaking up at my age since I want 2 children. I also felt extremely sorry to him. I really don't know what to do at this stage, break up or get married?
Please help me, I don't have much relationship experience and your opinions are very valuable to me.
Re: Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion.
Yes you should still feel passion for your partner after 5-6 years. It’s different than when first together during the ‘honeymoon period’ but there should be passion. And yes you should still want to kiss.. have long passionate kisses.
Yes it’s possible to fix not climaxing. Have you ever had climax? Do you mean that you don’t climax during intercourse? Or do you two try other ways to climax and it still never happens. Most women do not get climaxes from intercourse alone.
It sounds like you care for him but have no passion for him and never had any passion for him. There might be a way to build passion but it would take both of you working at it.
Re: Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion.
Does your partner complain that he has lost passion as well?
A lot of times relationships lose passion because the couple does not spend enough time together, at least 15 hours a week, and do not make meeting each other’s needs a priority. Look at the links for building a passionate marriage in my signature block below. They are for books that could help you a lot. Since you obviously care for him a lot and it sounds like he’s a very good man it is worth putting some time into the relationship. Say if you two work on the exercises in the book and give it 3-6 months. If you can rekindle, or even create new passions then you have a solid relationship that you can go forward with.
If on the other hand, after all of that nothing improves then, no it’s probably best to not marry him.
Re: Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by together2011ca
We've been together for 6 years. He is my first boyfriend. Before 25, I put all my efforts on study. Traveled to different countries for my degrees. In 2005, we met in another country, we had kisses and afterward he kept calling me. I was touched and then I moved to his city in Canada to see if we could work out in 2006. I made a mistake here. When he asked to live together, I agreed. So, we don't have the romantic dating period.
In the first year, we had lots argue and I never felt fell in love with him, or I never knew what is falling in love. He always apologize after our argument. I made another mistake here, I was still only focusing on studying and working, never thought about our relationship. Just stayed with him.
From the second year, our argue got less and less. We got alone well, like a family. But I started to not will to have sex or kiss with him.
Now I am turning 31, he is 31. When he talked about getting married, I felt so scared and told him I am not sure if I want to marry him. He is a very good man, kind, nice. But I just don't feel the passion.
My questions are:
1. After living together for 5-6 years, do you still feel passion to your partner. Do you still want to kiss them, I mean the long kiss?
2. We don't have good sex. I never had climax when we had sex. Is there a possible way to fix this?
I regretted a lot that I only thought about career and study in the past years. I feel scared for breaking up at my age since I want 2 children. I also felt extremely sorry to him. I really don't know what to do at this stage, break up or get married?
Please help me, I don't have much relationship experience and your opinions are very valuable to me.
Don't marry this man. He doesn't sound like a bad man, but you're thinking of marriage for the wrong reasons. You're settling because you feel you've reached a stage in your life when you should get married. Put away the shoulds, "I must get married because I'm 31 years old", "this is what you do after you finish your studies" kind of talk. Think logically about this. You like him more as a good friend than as a potential spouse. The difference between a friend and a romantic partner is desire. You don't feel any desire for this man. Do you really want to go through 30-40 years of this? It's not fair to him either. He deserves someone who loves him the way he should be loved. However, if your idea of marriage doesn't involve romantic love or desire, this man sounds like he would be the perfect spouse for you.
Feeling sorry for someone is never a reason to get married. Why should you sacrifice your future happiness that way?
Getting married to the wrong man can make you miserable. You already have some clear signs that married life with him won't make you happy.
Re: Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion.
No, don't marry him. The relationship you describe doesn't sound like long term material. Really, can you see yourself growing old with this person? Marrying him when you are not truly in love with him is not fair to you or to him. Let him go - both of you deserve to be with someone you are in love with and who loves you in return. He may be hurt now but not as much as if you marry him and decide a few years and kids down the road you can't take it anymore.
Re: Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by together2011ca
We've been together for 6 years. He is my first boyfriend. Before 25, I put all my efforts on study. Traveled to different countries for my degrees. In 2005, we met in another country, we had kisses and afterward he kept calling me. I was touched and then I moved to his city in Canada to see if we could work out in 2006. I made a mistake here. When he asked to live together, I agreed. So, we don't have the romantic dating period.
In the first year, we had lots argue and I never felt fell in love with him, or I never knew what is falling in love. He always apologize after our argument. I made another mistake here, I was still only focusing on studying and working, never thought about our relationship. Just stayed with him.
From the second year, our argue got less and less. We got alone well, like a family. But I started to not will to have sex or kiss with him.
Now I am turning 31, he is 31. When he talked about getting married, I felt so scared and told him I am not sure if I want to marry him. He is a very good man, kind, nice. But I just don't feel the passion.
My questions are:
1. After living together for 5-6 years, do you still feel passion to your partner. Do you still want to kiss them, I mean the long kiss?
2. We don't have good sex. I never had climax when we had sex. Is there a possible way to fix this?
I regretted a lot that I only thought about career and study in the past years. I feel scared for breaking up at my age since I want 2 children. I also felt extremely sorry to him. I really don't know what to do at this stage, break up or get married?
Please help me, I don't have much relationship experience and your opinions are very valuable to me.
Re: Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion.
Before even reading your post, I had my answer. The tone in your title says it all. I don't know anyone that would marry someone if they didn't have that "spark". Sure it can fade away the longer you are married, but starting without it... I can't understand that.
Re: Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion.
Thumbs down on the marriage. It'll be bad for you and bad for him.
I'd also say... MOVE OUT! You two sound more like friends sharing a flat than lovers, like Will and Grace or something. If you don't know after 5 years then you really do know, it means it's not there.
Seriously, there's better for both of you. I'm not saying you're bad, I'm sure you're great, but just not for him and vice-versa.
Re: Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion.
Maybe she doesn't want to walk away from a decent guy, because they are hard to find. He looks good on paper but if there is no passion, what kind of marriage will they have? One that is just for appearances and having children? Sounds very empty and sad to me.
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Should I marry him after 5-6 years living together without passion. 
I have been with my husband for five and I want to kiss him all the time. You can only marry this man if sex and passion is not important to you.
