I'm not sure what this means

l2k · 01-22-2012, 09:35 PM

I would like to get some opinions on this. I'm a Korean adoptee, and I signed up for a trip to go back to Korea this summer. There are about 15 of us going, all adoptees, and the majority are women. We all are in a group on Facebook, where we post questions, thoughts, feelings about our adoption, etc. This trip isn't until June, so we have a long time before to get to know each other, and we have. We are setting record number of posts in there, some threads will go over 200 comments, it's just really an awesome bonding experience, with a group of people that can understand each other in a way no others can. Well one of them has really connected with me, she likes almost every comment I make, and we have great bantor between us. It didn't take long before we were emailing each other, and of course we found out we had so many things in common, including drug abuse. We had both been through treatment, and I'm still clean. She recently relapsed, but is clean again, and actually went to Washington DC to protest the death penalty. She's an amazing person, but she's really young, 26. I'm 40, and I would never really consider someone that young. She's different on so many levels. When she left to go on her protest, she said she wanted me to keep her company on her layover, so I gave her my number, and we started texting then. She's on vacation in Miami, and we've been texting, she sends me pictures of her on the beach, and various places. I had said I wanted to move out the state I'm at, and she told me to move to New York. I'm like why New York, and she said she's going to start law school there this fall. She also just invited me to meet her in New York, for a adoption healing weekend, and she said after, we should take a couple of days to see the city, and this in May, before we go to Korea. So my question is, I have never asked her romantic questions. I tell her she's pretty and beautiful, when she sends me pictures of herself, but I don't ask her if she likes me romantically, obviously she likes me as a friend. Is this just a friendship that's developing, or is this heading towards romance? I know I wouldn't invite just a friend to visit me in New York, only someone I was romantically interested in, but we are also both Korean adoptees, so that is the exception I guess I could make. Even so, I wouldn't invite another Korean adopteee to hang out with me, unless I had romantic feelings. I guess I'm not sure how I should feel about this, or if I should just not let any romantic feelings develope for her, and treat her more like a little sister.

EleGirl · 01-22-2012, 09:47 PM

I think it's pretty clear that she has romantic feelings for you. If you go visit her she will think that you are visiting her for romance.

There are 14 years between you. That's not really too much. I think it's on the edge of what is considered 'normal', but it's not heard of by any means. One of my sisters is married to a man 15 years older than she. They have been married since 1982. She was 26 when they married.

If you are considering visiting her you should discuss this with her. What her expectations are and yours are.

l2k · 01-22-2012, 10:56 PM

Wow, that's a great story. I mean I know age gaps are out there that are larger, but to be married that long is really awesome. I am divorced, and it was short, so I can appreciate how long that is.

I would love to be with this woman, she's like everything I ever wanted in a person, but I'm afraid to let any romantic feelings develop. I just had some weird break ups, where it's just fantastic for about 3 months, and then the go back to their ex or something happens and it's suddenly over. I'm just gun shy I guess, because I have never discussed romance with her, and I'm almost afraid that she's going to say she doesn't consider me that way. I just don't want anything on this once in a life time trip, to become awkward for her or me. So I'm just trying to be really careful about this.