Quote:
Originally Posted by kajira
Many times when couples first get together "sparks fly", you feel alive and vibrant, embracing together what may lay ahead. However, after the trials and tribulations of life, you may notice things change. These are personal reflections, please feel free to add or comment.
For me I think at first I became complacent. In order to "keep the peace" I went along with things that I necessiarly didn't agree with or may have felt could have been delt with a different way etc. In the begining, I thought this was compromizing, I was wrong. In some occasions, I lost part of myself.
Actions speak louder than words. As time has passed and now with some reflection, I know I had disconnected myself from the relationship. After years of trying to meet him on the dance floor I stepped off. We became more like roommates with benefits (with no intimatcy). I was less concerned about his feelings or well being and more concerned with my children and just exisisting. I read some place that when a woman states "it is a little to late" she is speaking the truth.
Nevertheless, during this time, I think I have lost who I was. I was/am unhappy with who i have become and want better, to be happy. However, in order to be happy with someone else, one has to be happy with one's self, first.
I apologize for jumping around.
Connection for me was more emotional than tangiable. He was working out of town commuting everyday. I tried to explain to him that his family needed him at home and that a cut in pay was worth it, to have his "time" for his family. A woman can only beg and plead for so long. Another example, i wish he would have gone that extra step, put some thought into his actions, make me feel special. I tried to do special things to show I was going above and beyond for him, because I loved him.
Lastly, do not and I repeat do not allow the mother-in-law to live with you for an extended period of time. This was my biggest mistake, I never felt like the woman of the house. Sorry guys, but your wife does need/want to feel more important than your mother. Rather than stand my ground, I withered away.
Anyway, enough for now...just my thoughts....it has helped just to write them down, which is a real first for me....thanks for listeing.
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I have thought and thought about this post and wanted to go back to the original because something inside of me was screaming out.
As some know I own a business (a store). I treat that much like my marriage. Every few months I see where things are and change it up a bit. I get in new product. Clean away the old dirt and move things around.
Now how is that like a marriage? good question.
I have to admit I have fallen into the trap of the mundane from time to time. Nothing is worse then that rut, of the same or less sex at the usual time and place and way. The same time together eating the same food. Greeting each other in a numb sort of way because you just always do.
Everyone in a while the relationship or marriage needs a real curveball. If you let yourself fall into the mundane then that is where you will be. Over time it is boring thus the relationship will seem boring and as if you know what to expect.
The customers that come to my store but once a month are always surprised. Everything is always different. Oh look at this I never knew you carried this. No matter how the place is arranged I am always told how nice it is and how much better it looks. To me it is just a bit different.
But in my marriage that spark has always been there because neither I nor my wife lets it die. When ever we start to lose that edge one or the other will do or say something to spark a whole new life to the marriage.
Don't settle for boring. Make it wonderful.
draconis
Re: Connection or Not
