Understand, I do love her, but have mix feelings. sometimes I am in love, sometimes I hate her for lying to me. we have two beautifull kids and would not want to hurt them, they will suffer the most by this. But i am destroyed, hurt, going crazy. I told her, she should have keft that secret untold forever. I was very happy. now I am destroyed and feel betrayed, wasted all my time with her. I should have been given the option to decide whether to accept her the way she was back when we've met.
she told me the reason she lied was because she was deeply in loved with me and did not want to loose for her past mistakes, that she cannot live with the idea that i am not around her. She told me that she would accept any decision i take, but she will always love me forever, but would take the punisheshments for lying to me. she is also destroyed. i can see in her eyes. she knee on me asking for forgiveness, but i can't. i am so hurt inside that i can't. only our kids are keeping me from runnign away. PLEASE HELP, I NEED PROFESSIONAL ADVISE.
You are absolutely correct, she lied to you. It was very hurtful. You have every right to chose the criteria for the woman you want to be your wife. You were honest and she was not. It is a hard thing to deal with, because now you question the other things she said to you.
So now, the question is what do you want to do about it? What result do you want? Telling you to grow up and let the past be the past does not help when these types of emotions are involved, so work to get where you need to go. Some questions to consider:
Do you believe her story that she loved you and did not want to lose her?
Do you believe that she loves you?
Has she done other things wrong in the relationship? Were you able to forgive her?
Have you done things wrong in the relationship? Was she able to forgive you?
Your posts suggest a Christian outlook. If correct, what does your religion teach about forgiveness and marriage?
What things could she do to help re-establish your trust in her? What things has she offered to do?
Why did she choose now to reveal this to you?
No matter what, there is no magic pill or solution. It will take some time to deal with this. Perhaps it is wishful thinking, but I think you want to resolve this so that you can stay with your wife. That is commendable, but it will take some work. If that is the case, tell her that you want to stay, but are hurt and betrayed and need to work through this. I would suggest counseling for the two of you to work on this.