nicole2011

My husband and I have been separated for almost 4 months now. I want to tell him that I want a divorce. My problem is gulit. I cant get over it. Feeling bad for telling him this bc i know he loves me with all his heart. What can i do to get the courage up to tell him this. I think deep down he knows that im not coming back. When we do talk, he seems all happy just to talk to me. We are going out to dinner tonight but i really didnt want to go. I didnt want to tell him no. I know ppl say just tell him but its easier said than done. Any thoughts or suggestions.

southern wife

Hmmm this is a tough one. My suggestion would to just tell him the truth about how you're feeling. You're already separated, so what's there to lose?

s.k

if your a 100% sure you want a divorce then maybe you should go to his house before you go to dinner and tell him if you go to dinner and dont say anything then your sending mixed signals. you should tell him how you feel and explain that you cant go to dinner with him. did you seperate to end it or to give each other some space??

nicole2011

I'm not looking to date anyone. Not interested in anyone. We separated to give each other space and in that time I realized that I don't want to be with him for the rest of my life. Like I sayed it has been 4 months and istill don't miss him, so that should tell me something. My ic told me that I was done with the relationship.
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s.k

You need to talk to your husband and let him know what the score is. He probably asked you out to diner to tel you that he wants to give it another go. I think you should let him know before hand what you want and if you both still want to go out to dinner then it will be as friends. Do you truly believe think that there is no hope for the two of you?? In the 4months you have been separated have you spent any time together gone out to dinner or met up during the day

lovesherman

Your husband deserves someone who is passionate about him, so do not drag out the inevitable. Rehearse ahead of time what you will say to give yourself courage. Once it is done you will feel a great sense of relief. Divorce is always sad, but you both will move on to find other partners.

nicole2011

Sk we have been out on several occasions. I was hoping that some feelings would come back.
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s.k

If its not meant to be its not meant to be good luck to you however i do think you should tell your husband that you want a divorce and see if you can remain friends

Jellybeans

Just tell him. The longer you string him along, the more heartache for him.

desert-rose

Think about how you would feel if you were on the receiving end. If someone breaks up with you, you want them to do it in a way that honors the good things you shared, and just regrets that it is the end of a path, but also acknowledges clearly that it is one, right?

He isn't going to be happy if you're with him just out of obligation. But, if you don't tell him soon, you're just going to cause him more pain because he can't move on.

Don't pick on everything that's wrong with him and don't trash his self worth and don't pick a fight so you can push him away in anger. It might feel easier, but that's cruel.

Just explain to him that you loved him, but you don't feel that way about him anymore, that you do still care about him, but this relationship is over for you. Tell him that you believe he will find someone who can give him what you can't.

Basically, just be honest and be kind. Think about how you'd like someone to tell you. Or, if you had a son and his wife was divorcing him, how would you want her to tell him? And, you can write it out and practice a few times before you talk to him, so you know what to you want to say. I agree with the other poster here who said you should do this at his house and not go to dinner with him to give him false hopes.

Spare him pain, but be clear and firm and honest.

nicole2011

Thank you all for your responses!
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