I'm so stuck I need help!!
I'm at wits end right now. Hubby&I got married too young and too fast and I went through hell at first. We still have tons of problems but it gets better over time and he does try to change. I have just been drained though. Just been a lot of counseling and waiting/patience and small improvements but a lot of disappointment, frustration, resentment, and having needs unmet. I value marriage and feel like I did commit to good and bad, but I just needed a break. I'm depressed and on meds and feel like I completely lost myself. Im working a retail minimum wage job when I have a college degree. I skip out on social events frequently. Last year was a rollercoaster up and down and with the new year and my birthday coming up I just felt like I needed to be in control of my happiness this year. So I asked hubby if I could go back to my hometown and get a job and my own place and try independence and soul searching for like 6 months to a year to clear my head and refresh myself.
I gave notice at work, then panicked and retracted it. I decided to 100% commit to my marriage and turn things around and made several grand gestures. I got an immediate response of basically a slap in the face. He wronged me and drama started all over again. I saw the same pattern from before so I gave notice again.Saturday was my last day at work and I mailed a lot of my belongings to my parents house. I had the car fully packed and was ready to go.Then I ended up in the ER with an ovarian cyst. Im on pain meds and supposed to rest.Today I had to take my dog to the vet and pay $475 to run tests on her b/c they think she either has kidney failure, diabetes, or Cushings. Whatever result will cost me more money and with my health issues Im not fit to drive and Im supposed to follow up with my gyno soon. The longer I stay here the more my move out fund is being depleted. So I basically gave up and decided my sabbatical needs to be postponed or canceled altogether and tried to reroute my packages back here....only to discover that, in thinking I was going to leave, hubby started to pick back up some of his old habits/ways. I'm not even gone yet!!! Im devastated and I feel stuck and I just feel like if I try to stay Im hit and if I try to leave Im hit.
Should I keep going ahead with leaving or should I just be a good wife and focus on myself and pray that hubby grows up eventually? I just dont know what to do anymore and I dont know where to turn to!