General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Despite what you hear, he is actually very involved as a father, but he's also very controlling of our kids' opinion about me. I'm afraid of what might happen if there is a custody battle.
Everyone else thinks he is the most wonderful guy in the world--he never acts like this outside our home. Because of this, for many years I thought I must be to blame, but I've finally decided there is no excuse for treating someone like this. The only problem is I have no good options at this point.
Sorry but I didn't listen to it, I don't care to hear things like that it upsets me. To me any type of verbal abuse is uncalled for. If people do not know how to talk to someone in a decent manner, then perhaps they need some counseling to learn how.
However, if you find this to be unacceptable then you and your kids do not need to be around it. Your kids are learning this how things work. I sure wouldn't want my spirit broken because of someone else not knowing how to talk to people. I'm sure you and your kids spirits have been broken, to me that is abuse in itself.
What I went through with my ex was 1000x's worse then that. Your tape is in a calm voice. My ex was talking to me in a similar way while holding me hostage in my own apartment. He took my keys and all the phones out of the wall. It went on for hours. I was crying, he took pictures and was laughing at me.
I found a phone in the baby's room and called his mother, I should of called the POLICE! His mother talked to him and he let me leave, but followed me in his car. On the freeway at 75mph, he got in front of me and slammed his breaks nearly killing my daughter and I. God was with me that day saving my life.
I left the marriage, he stalked me for a year later. He had a woman move in 3 days after I left. My ex was also very unfaithful. I went through a year of hell! This tape is a fabulous example! There is no need to be treated this way! Posted via Mobile Device
I married a much better man. My husband now puts my needs before his for the last 12-13 years.
The abuse went right to my daughter. The courts would not let stop visitation. He ripped her apart emotionally and is proud. He no longer speaks to her and refuses to let her talk to her siblings. That broke her heart. My daughter had a great role model as a father with my husband. I'm grateful for that! Posted via Mobile Device
Yeah, I don't think you need to be afraid of the custody battle, should there be one. His lawyer might suggest he not even bother if he knows about this recording. Your H is a calm abuser... Maybe its because you are calm back. If my H were saying things like like that to me I would not sit there and listen calmly. Best wishes to you and your family! Posted via Mobile Device
Yeah, I don't think you need to be afraid of the custody battle, should there be one. His lawyer might suggest he not even bother if he knows about this recording. Your H is a calm abuser... Maybe its because you are calm back. If my H were saying things like like that to me I would not sit there and listen calmly. Best wishes to you and your family! Posted via Mobile Device
You will be ok in a divorce. Courts always rule in the womans favor. How do I know ? I am friends with divorced guys. You should not tolerate that. Good luck
^^^ not true. My H had temporary custody with a very good chance of permanent. They didn't believe my claims of verbal, mental or physical abuse. They believed his claims of alcoholism on me. Difference - he had proof I never got proof of anything. Kudos to the OP for getting proof! I guy like that will manipulate the courts without solid proof. Posted via Mobile Device
Made me sick to my stomach listening to it. How did you tape it? The audio comes through very clearly. This will be very good evidence if you ever need it.
I hope you have grown up in a environment with a loving father figure. That you do not think this is what the average man is like. As a man I can say that I am embarrassed that I share the same gender as this jerk. Sorry you had to suffer under this freak. Hope you find happiness.
I honestly think this video can help other women understand that this is verbal abuse. Is this your husband or are you making an awareness video? Posted via Mobile Device
Despite what you hear, he is actually very involved as a father, but he's also very controlling of our kids' opinion about me. I'm afraid of what might happen if there is a custody battle.
Everyone else thinks he is the most wonderful guy in the world--he never acts like this outside our home. Because of this, for many years I thought I must be to blame, but I've finally decided there is no excuse for treating someone like this. The only problem is I have no good options at this point.
You say you have no good options right now. Maybe we can help you realize the options you do have.
How old are you? How long have you been married? What level of education do you have right now?
You said that you have family near by, could you go live with your family for a while?
It sounded in the video like he was hitting you. Have you ever called the police when he does this?
Answer those questions and we can start to look for your way out. Your exit plan.
Thanks for all of the comments. I'm 38, and I have a college education and a good job. In fact I think that is part of the reason his language is so denigrating toward me--he's threatened by it and wants to knock me down so he can feel superior.
I should say that his language is not like this every day. It seems to go through waves, and worsened by stressful situations in life. He has slapped me on only a few occasions over 13 years; otherwise the abuse has only been verbal. I've never called the police. He's mostly kind to our kids, and does a ton of stuff with them, but very recently he has been lashing out against our oldest son, who is now 12. Still, the kids are very much attached to him. I know they love me too, but it seems like they have less respect for me. He sets himself up as the primary parent. I'm afraid how things might unfold in a custody battle. At least now I'm still seeing my kids every day.
I posted this on a legal advice website, and all they said to me was, "This sounds like typical end-of-marriage stuff." And they made me feel like a jerk for even posting it, even when I told them I went to great lengths to make everything anonymous. This is why I'm nervous everything may backfire on me.
Please, get him out of your life. He sounds like a scumbag.
You deserve respect and happiness. You're his wife and mother of his kids... he is ungrateful.
You may have to share custody of your kids, but you need to be happy and safe. Your kids will be much happier, too, especially if they are around when he is doing this.
10Likes
Verbal abuse on tape 
I never got proof of anything. Kudos to the OP for getting proof! I guy like that will manipulate the courts without solid proof.
