my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend
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Old 02-04-2012, 07:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

My wife's best friend just ended a relationship of 9 years and is newly single. Once my wife's friend became single they started hanging out more and more. I didnt mind it at first becuase they would do daytime stuff together. But recently they have been going out together every weekend, eihter friday or saturday night till very late, often not making it home to after midnight, or even 2-3am. I see this more as behavior of a single person, not a married woman. I talked to my wife about this and told her how i feel, even said i am not trying to tell her to limit here time with her friend, i just dont think she should be going out till wee hours of the morning with a single woman. my wife says i am being controlling and trying to limit the amount of time i spend with her friend, which is important to her. I am being controlling by asking my wife to spend her time with her friend during the day, and not the wee hours of the night?

My wife works a monday-friday work week and i work 6 days a week, so often friday and saturday night are our only times to spend quality time with each other. The weeks get so hectec that i would hardly call those weekday nights quality time. My wife also says i am being selfish because i spend my sundays (my only non working day) doing my hobbies, fishing, shooting, baseball. However i am home each night to spend with her. I figure that all day saturday, while i am working, or all day sunday, are plent of time to find time to spend with her friend, and the nights are for us to spend time together. She says i am being selfish because i am making her schedule her time with her friend around my schedule.

Anyways, just looking for some idependent thoughts/ advice on the isssue. thanks
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Old 02-04-2012, 07:50 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

I hear what your saying, girl time is important though, as is guy time to you. I personally, don't have an issue with my wife going out late, and coincidentally a divorced friend at that, but its not every weekend. Do you have doubts on what she is doing ? Have you talked to her about maybe limit it to once a week ?
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Old 02-04-2012, 08:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

"You are controlling" is something cheaters say. Have there been any change in her behavior towards you? Any distance or coldness? Have you gained weight, let yourself go? Newly single people can be toxic to the relationships to their married friends.
Investigate cell phone, email usage. Use a GPS to track location. Show up at the club at midnight to see what's going on. Going out every Friday and Saturday without a spouse is single person behavior.
VERY IMPORTANT- Read about manning up and setting boundaries. You cannot control her, but you CAN control what you will and will not accept in a relationship.
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Old 02-04-2012, 08:09 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

It's not controlling to be wary of what your wife is up to when she is hanging out with a newly single woman and going to bars until closing. Obviously the friend is looking to meet guys and she is using your wife as a wingman.

the problem is that what is your wife doing while the GF is chatting and dancing with guys? Obviously she is chatting and dancing too.

and that's where the boundary is being crossed. It's not that she's spending time that's the big issue, it's that she's spending time in bar being chatted up by guys and hanging with a single friend who's actually there looking.

It's not controlling to not accept your wife repeatedly living the life of a single woman.

here's a big test: Would she be talking with, accepting drinks from, and dancing with these guys if you were there? Would she be comfortable with you seeing what she's doing and hearing what she's saying?

See, that's crossing a major boundary when you are engaging in something you wouldn't do in front of your spouse.
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Old 02-04-2012, 10:20 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

She said you're controlling?

BAZINGA!!!

You may now have a wife who wants to be a single party girl again. She's probably getting hit on a lot, and now she's getting the toxic idea in her head that she no longer has to "settle" for boring married life.
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Old 02-04-2012, 12:43 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

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Originally Posted by F-102 View Post
She said you're controlling?

BAZINGA!!!

You may now have a wife who wants to be a single party girl again. She's probably getting hit on a lot, and now she's getting the toxic idea in her head that she no longer has to "settle" for boring married life.
I agree with this
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Old 02-04-2012, 12:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

Such Women are most cheating and lying whenever there is a chance...and they shift the blame in advance ,like the men are "selfish" .....whereas they do as they please "undercover" and open ...
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Old 02-04-2012, 12:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Such Women are most cheating and lying whenever there is a chance...and they shift the blame in advance ,like the men are "selfish" .....whereas they do as they please "undercover" and open ...
Would she be cool with you doing same with single guy friend? I don't think your expectations are unreasonable or controlling.
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:04 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

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Would she be cool with you doing same with single guy friend? I don't think your expectations are unreasonable or controlling.
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She clearly isn't concerned with your feelings.
This is exactly what you should do for your "Loving"
wife. If you need to hire a baby sitter, do it and go on out there and enjoy yourself.
See who becomes controlling after you do it.
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

The Women could have been previously in mutual SSAs and Bi..encounters...

Its inferred that she was trying to find an advance alibi of you being "selfish"...

Women are (sexually) vulnerably emotional,these women think with their "bodies" than with their Intellect...and thus has less Executive Control on themselves ...

hence chances are higher that they might be going for all "merry go rounds" possible with the alibis and times they are getting and as in this case the corruption is almost explicitly Probable..

Monitor ,if can be so.

Last edited by Stryker; 02-04-2012 at 02:00 PM.
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

When I go out (lolll about once every 4 months) I am out until 3 or 4 am because I just am. I'm not up to anything sneaky. Just hanging out and having a good time with my ladies

But every weekend? No way. Once a month til 2 or 3? Ok...maybe. But I would think even 1 time a month is a lot. For me, anyway. I get the itch about once every 4 months to just get away and talk with other ladies about stuff.
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:52 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

Need more details.

How old is she (you)

Where does she go? Big difference between a meat market club, and sitting in a friend's living room or a quiet wine bar.

Does she come home sober, or is she ****faced?

Anything that seems "not ordinary"?

I hang out with some guy friends once a week. We meet for beers, sometimes dinner. I get home, when I get home. My wife respects my time, my friends, and my time with my friends. In return, she is shown respect in how I act when I am with them. Neither of us make it an issue.
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Old 02-04-2012, 02:07 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

Your marriage is in a dangerous place right now. In my case I just blow it off and my W went her way and I went my way with my work. Well after 13 years of her going out and me working....My W with started sleeping around.

What worked for me is finaly confronting my W and when I got the "controling" card thrown at me, I told my W that " I'm not going to control you , but I can control what I want in a marriage"

I told my wife that it is clear to me now that you have priorities and they are not about this marriage so it was time for her to move on.

Showing my W this confidence in willing to let her go if she continued her behavior made her think twice about what she about to loose.

So with a smile on your face inform your wife that are are willing to just let her go and find someone that wants you and you will not control another pereson to be with you but go find someone that WANTS to be with you and respect you enough to be with you at NIGHT.

Becareful she may call your bluff, but do it now b/c your wife along with her toxic friend are not interested in your marriage and will continue to snow ball this behavior into some serioue cheating that you can stop now by have the confidence to be willing to just let her go and show her the reality of what will happen if she continues.

Again you are not controlling her but controlling what you want out of a relationship and marriage!
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Old 02-04-2012, 02:16 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

Schedule time with her around one of your friend's schedule on as regular basis as she is now,especially if you have a friend recently single.She might not like the shoe on the other foot.If they're going to places where hooking up with others is the primary focus,then I'm sure you're aware that most guys on the prowl usually travel with at least one other guy.

Hope you don't have any reason to worry,but I'm afraid you do.
You might follow up on where she says they're going and what really goes on there,if she's being truthful about her whereabouts.

It's your marriage and you have every right to want to feel secure in it.Good luck.
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Old 02-05-2012, 07:29 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: my wife recently staying out very late with girlfriend

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Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
Obviously the friend is looking to meet guys and she is using your wife as a wingman.

the problem is that what is your wife doing while the GF is chatting and dancing with guys? Obviously she is chatting and dancing too.
That's it in a nutshell. Are you comfortable with your wife drinking, dancing, flirting and partying all night with guys that want to bang her? And I don't think your wife is just taking a bullet for a friend. She's having a grand little time herself. She's LOVING the attention.

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Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post


here's a big test: Would she be talking with, accepting drinks from, and dancing with these guys if you were there? Would she be comfortable with you seeing what she's doing and hearing what she's saying?
It's that simple. See if you can go next time. Hang out with them for an hour and see how much she enjoys herself. Ask her after that hour how she could POSSIBLY enjoy these nights to the tune of 6 hours a night every week. Because, you see, when you're not there, it's A LOT more fun. That's the REASON they go to these places without you.

Have her followed. Put a gps in her car. As soon as she parks, have your friend/PI stop by and take some simple cell phone video. I can GUARANTEE her actions will be A LOT different than what she describes to you.

How does she explain away getting slobbered on and groped by strange men all night? How does she even explain these nights now? "By honey. I'm going out to party with strange drunk horny men all night. Don't wait up".

I mean, I ask that question like I can't understand it. Many years ago my wife did the same thing and I can't even COMPREHEND the fact that I stayed home and took it. It's got to be some odd kind of denial. I don't really remember what I went through. What is your thought process as she walks out to door with you giving her permission, essentially, to cheat.

Have her followed. I can GUARANTEE it will be an education.
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